AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

You can’t ask him to come back.

Really hope you feel better soon though 💐

You’ve made the right call OP. Wishing you a restful night and a speedy recovery x

@Dinosaurhearmeroar you’ve got this in the bag.

you will feel truly awful until the antibiotics kick in. Lean on Grandma. She may be 75 but she can deal with one night of broken sleep if it allows you to rest and recover.

you have made the right choice not asking DH to come home.

someone said “this too shall pass” we have 4 age 6 and under and DH worked abroad every two weeks for a week. It was tough, we had V&D, UTI’s, croup (really bad ambulance called out x3 and blue lighted) falls and trips.

I promise it is all a distant memory. We muddled through the nights with support from parents and I was shattered. But nothing a few relaxing days and lie ins could sort.

Hang in there until he is home and know you held the fort and are the strong women helping DH in the difficult early weeks of a new job

…and another. I blame video games for this spate of violence.

Bit harsh. Think we’re all hoping the OP survives the night.

Do your best lovely that's all you can do.

My partner went to the US for a meeting so was away for 5days when my second was 8 weeks and I had 5 yo. It was an annual meeting for funding and was essential he went and couldn't be moved. I had been hospitalised in pregnancy too due to liver issues and severe fatigue. Bed times were messy, 5yo wanted me, I needed sleep, baby needed me. Lots of playing hot potato with the baby and sharing the care of my eldest. They held baby whilst I got her ready for bed. Then FIL did the bed time stories, and MIL sat with her whilst she went to sleep.

They left the day my partner came home but that bedtime he had been awake for 30h and was very jetlagged. Both children were crying and as much as partner wanted to help he couldn't see straight and I had to send him to bed. 4yo went to sleep around half 10, baby and me had to hide in the dining room at one point as it was the further point from the bedrooms.

It felt like the longest week in the world but we survived. As long as everyone gets fed and some sleep that's a win. I hope you all feel better in the morning.

In hindsight it might have been a good idea to rearrange the jabs. My daughter had a reaction to her 4 month jabs and in 8h we had a phone appointment with the HV followed by 3 GP appointments and then a visit to the paeds assessment unit. I have always made sure that I arranged jabs when I have support. I was on my own with her from 5am to 1pm as my partner was in work and I couldn't contact him and it felt like lifetime.

What ridiculous, dangerous advice. Have you actually read the op’s posts? She has been told by a GP that she may require hospitalisation. It’s not ideal for the dad to come back but abusive? To expect him to be there to care for his own kid while she’s in hospital? I’ve literally heard it all.

As a pp said, the op has been full of grace in her replies to posters, some of whom have been at best unsympathetic and at worst absolutely vile.

Op I really hope you feel better in the morning. I think you’ve done the right thing trying to power through with help from your mum but if you are in any doubt at all please get to a&e. I don’t think a red bull will cut it in this situation 🤦🏻‍♀️

I hope that the anti-biotics kick in and starts to knock the infection on the head. Wishing you, your mum and both your little ones as peaceful a night as possible and hope that the new day is a better one. Sounds really full on and concerning, I had never heard of this condition before and I do not blame you for feeling wobbly. One day you wlll look back on this and feel proud of the way you coped, it just feels shit at the moment especially as you are waiting to see how the infection progresses. Sending a virtual hug

I actually really worry sometimes that people will listen on Mumsnet and not realise how serious some conditions are.

i has seen time and time again people say to (mainly women) you will be fine, pull yourself together, I am a single parent and I do it when sometimes there is a potential that the person needs medical help asap. I do worry that someone could actually take advice and end with something as serious as sepsis because they think the need to put their families first, not trouble anyone and be a good wife. This type of eye infection is so so so serious and it is being treated like she is calling him back for a cold. Yes the grandma is there but right now what makes sense is dad being on standby for if mum suddenly does need to go to a&e.

You can’t pull him from work to help you- you already have help !

Also to add, from what OP has shared, this is an evolving eye issue which may require prompt escalation. On top of this is the obvious anxiety together with the normal stressors of having two young kids. Yes grandma is there but there are times where it should be ok to ask your husband to come home - in this situation, if I was in your shoes OP, I would have.

I remember having a serious medical issue and my DH jumped on the next flight home. I really hope you start to recover soon OP. I can imagine this feeling very scary for you.

Have you also got a very young baby? I'm a single mum of a 2 year old and also work away while my parents look after my child however at 8 weeks old I would be very concerned about leaving a child alone with a guardian let alone also a 4 year old with someone potentially having to go to A&E and struggling in pain. I would have got straight back. No one should be judged in that situation as it's the right thing to do.

I'm surprised at the amount of people saying coming home could look bad on him? Why? Has the OP said what industry he works in because I can't imagine there are many jobs that require this level of image/reputational consideration for what's being discussed as a one-off?

I think unless you’re dying then asking someone to come back from work at a new job because 2 people can’t cope for 1 night with a baby and a toddler is verging on cruel and abusive. And believe me I hate 99% of men so rarely stick up for them but come on, he’ll feel ridiculous saying he has to go home! Neck a red bull, take some pain relief and power through.

I now work away in London and yes, I would say that to DH or any other man in a similar scenario.

No you can’t ask him to come back!
ride it out

Sorry you’re dealing with all this - there’s nothing worse than having to be responsible for kids and older parents and feeling ill. Ideally you wouldn’t want your husband to come back but eye infections like that can be very serious, absolute agony and make you systemically very unwell as you’ve already said. You may need hospitalised for IV antibiotics if the antibiotics (presumably oral) don’t work. Then you will need your husband to come home or help of some kind. Don’t suppose there are any friends nearby that could lend a hand if it comes to it?

I'm really surprised by the responses telling OP she's being unreasonable. Leaving a mum with a serious infection to her eye, looking after a young baby and a 4 year old on her own over night - he's not going to lose his job if he goes hone to attend a medical issue for his family. Men and women do that all the time at my work especially with very young babies.

I also believe it really enforces misogyny suggesting men aren't needed at home for situations like this and that it's bad if their wife "can't cope" alone - he shouldn't even have to explain himself other than to describe it as a medical emergency. The men I work with would absolutely go home in exactly these sorts of situations and people don't view them badly for it. In fact some of the men I know who do have frequently had to go home to tend to family issues if exactly this kind, recently won various awards and prizes for their contribution to the business.

Would you guys be telling a man to just suck it up if the roles were reversed?

AIBU. The section of Mumsnet where empathy comes to die. Christ on a bike.

Hope you have a okay night and the eyes a bit better in the morning. It sounds like a really tough situation. xxx

lean on grandma tonight but take care of your eye and get to a&e asap tomorrow if there’s not an improvement. My son had peri orbital cellulitis and it was NASTY.

update us in the morning - god speed!

Hope you're doing OK @Dinosaurhearmeroar, I had occular cellulitis and keratitis in both eyes at the end of last year and it's not pleasant. Doctors are very firm about making sure you're aware that any changes or worsening means a trip to a&e so I completely understand your anxiety, especially with 2 small children.
I'm glad you've made your husband aware and please take any help grandma is able to offer. I hope your antibiotics kick in soon and your eye and face start feeling a little better x

Hope you manage sleep OP and that when you wake up the antibiotics will have kicked in.

I broke my ankle when my DD was 3 weeks old and I had a 2.5 year old too. Looking back on it now I can't quite believe how I did it but DH went back to work and we just carried on. I remember having DD in the carrier, ds in the buggy (thankfully a super maneoverable microlight), one hand on a crutch and one on the buggy with the dog lead wrapped around the handle.

We are a resilient bunch even though it sucks sometimes.

Hoping the Calpol does the job. Sometimes after being unsettled like this they do crash out so fingers crossed.

If not, do take advantage of the extra adult in the morning to get an hour or so. It's not the same as a full night's sleep but it does help and will support your recovery. Good luck

In what world is a non improving eye infection not very serious?
Jesus fucking Christ.
I think op’s situation warrants attention first thing tomorrow