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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say no to 17-year-old daughter’s boyfriend sleepovers?

30 replies

Wildradish · 17/03/2026 19:56

My dd is 17. She’s been with her boyfriend for two months (dating for three so five months in total together). She’s started asking if she can stay over at his for a sleepover - he lives about 20 minutes away. We’re always happy to collect her. We’ve only met him once for about 10 minutes despite them both going to college in our city.

He’s her second boyfriend (she was with the other one for a year). And we felt at the time she was too young for a sleepover as did his parents with that particular boyfriend.

Apparently current BF’s mum is happy for her to stay over. My DH has briefly met his mum when he’s gone to pick up our dd.

DD is our first teen. Her sibling has a profound disability so we won’t encounter this again. The ex boyfriend used to come round a lot but dd is suggesting she doesn’t want to bring current boyfriend round because of her sibling. We can’t work out if she doesn’t want to bring him round or he doesn’t want to come (she has said she’s asked him round before but he’s brushed it off). She tends to go round once a week and his mum is usually there but I’m aware they could be having sex (she has said they’re not and with previous boyfriend she asked me to take her to the doctors for an appointment for contraception). She’s not on anything at the moment.

I’m not quite sure what to do. I think she deserves a bit more from a bf as he’s quite low key and we’ve not really met him. I’m not sure how serious he is about her and she can be quite sensitive and a people pleaser.

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 17/03/2026 20:11

LoudSnoringDog · 17/03/2026 20:06

She’s 17 and asking your permission. Legally she can have sex. I’m not sure what the issue is? How long do you intend to restrict her given she could just go without having to ask?

she could just go without having to ask?

Maybe not, unless she's going there to live? I couldn't come and go as I pleased, as my parents had rules for the children under their roof; and I didn't fancy living under a bus stop.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 17/03/2026 20:09

It sounds like they’re spending evenings together at a house where the mum is happy for her to sleep over? So they are probably having sex.

At 17 I’m not really sure the point in saying no tbh.

LoudSnoringDog · 17/03/2026 20:06

She’s 17 and asking your permission. Legally she can have sex. I’m not sure what the issue is? How long do you intend to restrict her given she could just go without having to ask?

Wildradish · 17/03/2026 20:05

We’ve said we’d like to spend a bit more time with him. But he seems a bit reluctant to come round. Similar to accepting lifts. He seems to avoid them.

OP posts:
Pineappleice43 · 17/03/2026 20:04

I would want to meet him first and get to know him before letting her stay over at his.