Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset about partner leaving dried bloody bogies on carpet?

63 replies

satsumafrog · 17/03/2026 18:50

This is so gross, well I think it is. The carpet on OH's side of the bed is covered in bogies and dried blood from picking his nose and dropping it on the floor. Every time I go to his side to open the curtains I'm nearly sick. I've hoovered it up and told him to stop but it's there again piling up every few days. He has bought some tissues and now they're lying there with blood and bogies on too. It makes him so repulsive to me and I've told him. It's there again now and I'm really angry, he says I'm overreacting. Am I??

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Allseeingallknowing · 25/04/2026 17:16

satsumafrog · 25/04/2026 13:22

He told me he wouldn't do it again and I've just gone round his side of the bed and at least 20 on the floor. Everything else is manage but I can't get over the ick from this. Is it leaving worthy?

100% yes!

feckingcat · 25/04/2026 17:15

My ex was like this, his car was covered in boogers, he slid out of bed naked, leaving a poo streak, he hardly showered, never cleaned anything.
For 7 years he slowly got worse and worse until I left him. I remember returning to the house to get things after a month and oh my god the stench of the unwashed, damp mouldering clothes in the utility room, a toilet like he’d thrown up, shit and pissed all over it, clothes everywhere., rotting food, bins overflowing, blinds all closed up and house not aired.

I had never been so glad to get away, maybe you picked up mine after I dumped him…

HotGazpacho · 25/04/2026 16:24

There’s no way this can be real.

ClaredeBear · 25/04/2026 16:22

I don’t want to get hysterical but he’s completely disgusting. No person does this unless they’re a complete pig. You deserve better!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 25/04/2026 13:41

Is it leaving worthy?

It was leaving worthy the first time you asked. It hasn't changed.

frecklejuice · 25/04/2026 13:41

He isn’t going to change, he has shown you that time and time again. That leaves you with two choices, stay together and put up with his disgustingness or leave him. It has to be your decision.

Original poster
satsumafrog · 25/04/2026 13:22

He told me he wouldn't do it again and I've just gone round his side of the bed and at least 20 on the floor. Everything else is manage but I can't get over the ick from this. Is it leaving worthy?

OP posts:
Ineedadvicepleasesorry · 20/03/2026 21:52

I feel your pain!
My STBXH left snotty tissues everywhere (following extended cocaine abuse, it turned out), constanly dirty toilet, dirty cotton buds, and ejaculate on the bedroom wall (in not one but 2 houses after i asked him not to) on many occasions!

Gross dirty fucker.

Namingbaba · 20/03/2026 21:37

I agree it’s gross but it’s the disrespect that would bother me the most. He clearly doesn’t care.

GeishaTrumpet · 20/03/2026 20:58

CinnamonBuns67 · 18/03/2026 23:41

Yanbu. That's really gross and what a child would do.

Even my two year old can manage to use a tissue and put it in the bin. There is no excuse for this OP, it’s grim.

BauhausOfEliott · 20/03/2026 20:55

satsumafrog · 18/03/2026 22:37

Definitely over. I don't really know what to do. He has other things I like but feel we're much more like flatmates now than anything else.

Nobody would want a flatmate who carried on like your husband does. If anyone left snot and shit everywhere in a shared flat they’d be chucked out.

Tuesdayschild50 · 19/03/2026 09:35

Absolutely vile.
Thank god I have my own man free home .
I couldn't deal with a man in my house ever again .

MyLimePoet · 19/03/2026 02:00

You'll manage somehow if you leave or he leaves. Just disgusting and horrible. Urgh.

MyLimePoet · 19/03/2026 01:57

satsumafrog · 17/03/2026 22:10

Thanks everyone. It's so horrible but sadly he has other awful habits too. I can't even bring myself to write the worst one but it involves his ass and the toilet seat 🤢.

No intimacy for a very long time. I couldn't bring myself to. He also spends about 5mins every morning hacking up phlegm, whether or not he has a cold. I'm often woken up by the sound of it and him spitting it out.

Are these habits good/bad enough, grounds for divorce? I've lost any desire I had for him years back and after repeatedly asking him to stop these things they still continue. As someone commented habits get worse as you get older, I'm afraid of that!

I couldn't be with someone as disgusting as that. It's just grim. Yuk. The hacking up phlegm would make me heave

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 19/03/2026 00:48

CrazyGoatLady · 18/03/2026 03:20

So you are essentially using this man who you don't love and aren't attracted to, and who has foul unhygienic habits, to subsidise you working part time. You've decided you not having to work full time is more important to you than not having to put up with his vile snot and shit smearing.

You're in a marriage of convenience, and those have since the dawn of time meant that the less wealthy party trades off their own expectations, needs and standards for a partner for the money the wealthier/higher earning partner brings.

If this is your situation and you won't change it because you want the financial security he brings, at least be honest with yourself about what you're doing. And it would probably be fair to be honest with him, too. Men will also often stay in these arrangements willingly because they don't want to clean their own mess, they still want the wife work doing and the kids looked after with minimal effort. Even if there's no love or attraction there - it's a business arrangement, in effect. If you both want to agree that's what your marriage has become and you both consent to stay in it, well - that's up to you. Then at least if you have a spare room, you can tell him he's moving into it so he can be disgusting in there. You don't have sex anyway so sharing a bedroom is just for show at this point. You can tell the kids he snores if you don't want the truth to come out.

Show quote history

This with bells on

CinnamonBuns67 · 18/03/2026 23:41

Yanbu. That's really gross and what a child would do.

CherryBlossom321 · 18/03/2026 23:36

Get rid.

TY78910 · 18/03/2026 23:34

That’s actually disgusting wtf

Original poster
satsumafrog · 18/03/2026 22:37

Definitely over. I don't really know what to do. He has other things I like but feel we're much more like flatmates now than anything else.

OP posts:
The13thFairy · 18/03/2026 08:34

The honeymoon's well over then!

SweetnsourNZ · 18/03/2026 04:10

PropitiousJump · 17/03/2026 18:54

FFS that's absolutely revolting. I wouldn't share a room, let alone a bed, with someone who did that.

I wouldn't share a house even. Disgusting behaviour.

CrazyGoatLady · 18/03/2026 03:20

satsumafrog · 17/03/2026 22:53

What is LTB? No he's not on cocaine. He's got a good job at a university and we have 2 children, age 14 and 11. I work part time and don't know how I'd cope financially if we separated. No he doesn't touch me, we have zero intimacy, the last thing was a hug 3 years ago when there was a death in the family. The last sex was well over a decade ago.

Show quote history

So you are essentially using this man who you don't love and aren't attracted to, and who has foul unhygienic habits, to subsidise you working part time. You've decided you not having to work full time is more important to you than not having to put up with his vile snot and shit smearing.

You're in a marriage of convenience, and those have since the dawn of time meant that the less wealthy party trades off their own expectations, needs and standards for a partner for the money the wealthier/higher earning partner brings.

If this is your situation and you won't change it because you want the financial security he brings, at least be honest with yourself about what you're doing. And it would probably be fair to be honest with him, too. Men will also often stay in these arrangements willingly because they don't want to clean their own mess, they still want the wife work doing and the kids looked after with minimal effort. Even if there's no love or attraction there - it's a business arrangement, in effect. If you both want to agree that's what your marriage has become and you both consent to stay in it, well - that's up to you. Then at least if you have a spare room, you can tell him he's moving into it so he can be disgusting in there. You don't have sex anyway so sharing a bedroom is just for show at this point. You can tell the kids he snores if you don't want the truth to come out.

LakotaWolf · 18/03/2026 02:59

He’s putting you and your children at risk for every single viral and bacterial illness and condition he may end up having at any point.

There’s a reason why soiled linens are considered biohazards in hospitals and elderly care facilities.

Pathogens, bacteria, and viruses are shed and spread via blood AND feces.

Completely aside from the repulsiveness of his behaviors, he’s actually putting you and your children at risk of contracting any and every illness he himself has or is exposed to. He doesn’t even need to be exhibiting symptoms himself - people can be carriers of illnesses and spread them to others without actually “catching” the illness themselves.

You maybe able to overlook his habits out of fear of leaving him, but are you able to overlook the physical danger he poses to you and your children? He’s essentially a constant Typhoid Mary.

Ferrissia3 · 18/03/2026 02:04

I think this is honestly the most disgusting thing I've read on mumsnet.

TealSapphire · 18/03/2026 01:36

Can you imagine ever wanting him to touch you again? If not, relationship over. You'll be so happy living in a clean space.