To feel I don’t actually like my own children very much

ate they neurotypical? Because all the usual parenting stuff does does often not work if they are not,and it’s exhausting. You get all these parenting tips… and feel like a failure… but they just don’t work…

Your poor son was clearly very embarassed and ashamed by you stripping him and discovering' his accident.You could have so easily avoided tbis escalation by sending him to the bathroom and giving him the space to and privacy to undress and wipe his bum n the bathroom and then running a bath for him to get properly clean.

What time do they go to bed?

How does the 5 year old cope with school and soiling himself

Yes , I found that a bit concerning too . The k8ds are picking up on something . I wonder if the op is depressed . I had pnd for a few years after my second . Didn't recognise it until years later .

This also links into the advice where you give positive commands rather than negative ones. So, “stop running” becomes “walk please” - and apparently that’s easier for them to process

This sounds like extreme emotional dysregulation and not just average tanrums
Personally I would see your GP

I have a 2 yo and 5 yo (and baby!)

what works in this house when they talk rudely (give me a biscuit! Or I hate you!) is to say the sentence you want them to say (every time they do it and eventually they copy you). I say do you mean please may I have a biscuit? And the two year old says it. And then after 50 times she’s starting doing it. Rather than say stop shouting, I say try that again in a normal voice.
even when 5 yo is mean to his sister I say, try saying it’s my turn now and then I’ll give it to you. Rather than saying stop arguing or stop hitting your sister.

honestly it sounds so basic but it’s giving them the tools they don’t have. It’s been such a game changer here. I’ve stopped saying stop this stop that, stop this stop that

Sorry that you are having such a tough time. Don't know whether this helps or not but I think your examples sound pretty normal- not that all kids do exactly these things but that they are within the normal range of things kids do. It is incredibly hard work at this age with two and you sound at the end of your rope. FWIW the fact that they are pressing all your buttons doesn't mean they don't like you- they love you. They are pushing boundaries, which is normal developmentally but very hard when you are going through it.

The lack of external support makes everything 10x worse. What's your situation- working, SAHM, any childcare? Is there any way you can get more of a break occasionally- even if that means a paid babysitter? Obviously that comes with a cost but it may be worth prioritising.

yes , sleep is massive. Mine were very difficult at that age (18/15 now) and sleep was a big part of that.

They're very young and personalities will not be anywhere near fixed as yet I'm sure. Keep trying with instructions but also modelling is massively important. They will change a huge amount before they are actually people who can be likeable or not.

Forgot to say - reason I banged on about sleep is because often behaviour is just about them being over tired.

I would definitely say get into the 7-7 sleep pattern if you can. Dinner at 5ish, CBeebies bedtime til 6 while you clear kitchen, upstairs for bath / shower. In bed by 6.45 for you to read to them. Lights out 7ish.

CBeebies bedtime is brilliant because it’s the same shows and do they get their cues from that.

blackout blinds and all that - especially as going into clock change.

and glass of water at every meal, that they need to drink before pudding.

my two were very different, but both thrived on routine. Appreciate it’s hard to start if you haven’t always done it, and that it won’t work for everyone, but was amazing for us. I can still sing all the bedtime hour songs 😁

plus then, once they’re asleep, but you’ve still got an evening ahead of you, you can pop your head around the door and watch them sleeping, and forgive all the annoying things they did that day !

It might help to think this is a developmental stage and actually normal
She is learning that there are things happening outside of her and also about control .
Her emotions are all over the place and she is learning to regulate them, not always successfully.
Firstly she isnt shouting at you, shes testing boundaries.
Its crucial to stay calm, firm but kind
Your reaction teaches them whats acceptable and how to emotionally regulate
Dont take it personally
Deep breaths
I didnt try to cajole mine,just let the storm ride out,then have a chat .

Name the emotion
Oh dear you are cross/ sad/worried

Be kind to yourself, they are exhausting
Nice bath, book, face mask

Are you getting any support?
@Myownones

‘Actually very abnormal’ - are you an educational psychologist and why so rude when OP is showing vulnerability?

It might be worth taking them both to the GP and making sure there aren't any medical issues

You’ve got to tell him what he’s doing is unacceptable and give him consequences if he runs off like that he doesn’t go outside again and explain why so he doesn’t do it tomorrow.
I must say though he might not remember because he is young. So you have to be consistent and do it a lot.
Try to bond with him too and spend more one on one time with him playing with his toys.
As for the 2 years old she might be too young and copying what she has heard but try to correct her too before it carries on.

Sending you lots of sympathy OP, I have a difficult 5yo who has lots of toilet accidents still and also a very active 1.5 year old and it's a very good day where I haven't wanted to scream in frustration. One day things will be different!!

This sounds very hard - but they are both so young still. A two year old is very difficult to reason with and they are almost too young to understand consequences. For the little one the best advice I can offer is distraction- when she starts losing her mind and screaming, diverting attention to something else, even if it’s a snack, a song, a book, or something that involves attention deflecting away from her tantrum. Your 5 year old is old enough to understand more about consequences so set firm boundaries but also loads of really positive reinforcement and that goes for them both. I know it’s hard but ignore the bad stuff (assuming it’s not dangerous,) and really really praise the good. That works well as a distraction technique too: I remember I had a 3 and 1 year old with no help full time at home and I literally thought I was losing my mind. It does get better. Pick your battles and only fight the important stuff, I’m sure you’re doing just great xxxx

Mine are 5 and 2 and I feel like this Toni hr. In particular I’m finding the five year old hard to like at the moment which sounds awful, I have genuinely just found each age harder with him. It’s hard not to look inwards and blame your own parenting, but I think it’s probably a mix of factors.

Please don't feel bad op. Parenting has it's ups and downs and sometimes it can be downright knackering. Mine are teens now but you've taken me right back to when they were little and sometimes (often) I did not have the patience of a saint and was short tempered and grumpy over things like night waking, bed wetting etc. I promise it will get easier.