To give sister home truths

She had a party a couple of years ago and one of our cousins was away on holiday, so quite similar to this situation, and she went on about how unacceptable it is and selfish of our cousin to do that

I think she needs to be reminded about that @NCNCNCNCNCNCC .

Once you pull people up it's never the same sadly.
It causes an atmosphere
Your lucky she hasn't come back and said some things about you. That's what usually happens. All peoples stored up complaints come out and then there's a row

I think people need to keep their councel at times, if they can't fair enough but be prepared for a shift or an argument.

Agree, you are being far too forgiving for her poor behaviour.

If she was a friend you'd have dumped her.

I have a younger sibling who is a selfish pita because they were always prioritised. Mother always gave in to them, they could do no wrong & so grew up extremely entitled.
It's hard because you are made to feel that you are in the wrong for saying no or wanting the same consideration that they get.

You are not wrong. But it's been ingrained for years so unfortunately the sibling will continue to expect that the world will revolve around them with no effort on their part.

Fair enough - in that case I think you were well within your rights to tell her you were disappointed in her. She sounds like a massive hypocrite and it was really bad of her not even to tell you herself that she wasn’t coming.

Well done op!

However you seem to all pander to her behaviour and she certainly has you doubting yourself doesn’t she?

Be reassured you have done nothing wrong and correctly you have boundaries in place - you need to give her a taste of her own medicine- she knows your birthday date and yet she continues to constantly make herself unavailable

You seem to gloss over that thinking it’s not quite meant to hurt you but actually she knows that she is doing it and she relies upon your silence and tolerance

Please consider only sending her a card next time and making yourself busy that weekend and she can have a taste of her own medicine

Very true. My sibling is also annoyed that I have relaxing 'grown up' holidays now even with my (young adult) DC in tow and had expected that we would go with him and his family to 'share' the childcare. It's actually rather liberating to be able to say no without an ounce of guilt knowing that we've been through the toddlers on holiday stage many years ago without any offers of help. Hopefully when the current situation has died down a bit the OP will feel she can free herself from feeling she has to prioritise her sister.

You can happily sit back knowing you don’t ‘owe’ any of these things, as they weren’t given to you.

I’m in a similar position, whilst I hated having zero help raising my kids - was all done by myself and DH - I’m now sooooo pleased that those that didn’t help now have young kids and I never have to repay babysitting or show any interest at all, so I don’t! I also like to mention how relaxing my weekends are now 😂

OP this is ringing so many bells. I have 2 younger sisters and they both do similar, but particularly the younger one - expect the full bells and whistles for any of their events/celebrations but then don't reciprocate. Then if you ever comment on this or make a stand and match their (lack) of effort, you're the mean one!

Please don't apologise. If anything you should have said more, not less and laid out all the issues you've been letting fester, so she can understand it's not you just overreacting to one incident (although I wouldn't think you would be overreacting even if it was just this) but is a culmination of poor behaviour on her part. I understand you don't want to fall out with her but you can acknowledge you didn't intend to upset her without apologising for it. Perhaps make the comparison with 'I'm sure you didn't intend to upset me, but you have really hurt me."

Apart from anything else it was really rude of her to not respond to your MOH. Organising a hen is such a PITA, you'd expect the bride's family to not make it any harder!

You say she has a heart of gold but that doesnt come across in your post. She sounds thoughrless and inconsiderate and self centred.
You on the otber hand sound kind and considerate. She should be apologising to you.

She should be apologising to you not the other way round!!

I can't see this heart of gold you mentioned. She sounds extremely selfish.

OK fair enough she's your sister so she probably does care but its actions that count. This is more than main character syndrome and you deserve better, relationships can't be all one sided.
If anything you've been too nice about this and let her away for too long and I dont really get why? Would you let a friend away with it?

OP i feel a bit sad for you.
You say you dont want to fall out with her but be honest, could she actually care less about you? From what you've said she sounds horrible and you either chose to ignore it or just have a very low opinion of yourself.

OP, have a think about your self esteem.
It seems a tad deliberate and she doesn't like the light on any one but her.
Drop that rope.
She needs to grow up.
As for your mother with her very obvious favorite🙄

If she's the youngest were you brought up to treat her as 'special'? It sounds like for whatever reason she expects that family will prioritise things that are important to her but doesn't feel the need to reciprocate. You're right to tell her how you are feeling and hopefully when she's got over the shock of someone actually calling her out she will reflect and try to do better. I have a similar situation with a younger sibling but unfortunately everyone else in the family continues to treat him like he's the special little boy so I don't think he'll ever change but I maintain I am right to refuse to play along. Currently he is complaining that I haven't put enough thought in to his child's birthday present, didn't visit on his child's birthday and haven't offered to babysit whilst he and his partner go out for their anniversary. My children are almost adults and very occasionally he put £10 in a card (that I suspect Mum bought), never visited or called for birthdays and has never ever babysat or offered to babysit. But apparently I am all kinds of evil for not being more involved with his child.

Stop putting in so much thought and effort for people who won't and don't do the same for your, regardless of who they are. Your sister not coming to your hen do is terrible when you have done so much for her.

Its ok. I know how it feels with siblings, worse feeling in the world falling out when youre close. Still pine for my big sister to this day. I hope she comes to her senses! She'd be a fool to lose such a wonderful sister like you.

@NCNCNCNCNCNCC it is an unbalanced relationship, you give she takes. As simple as that. The other way round is never going to happen as she lives purely in her own bubble for which you are invited into when she needs you, or wants you there.

Do not apologise or dance to her merry tune moving forward. Pop her extremely selfish bubble - she needs to learn this behaviour is unacceptable.