About mothers day getting weird with my brother

It’s obvious, there are obviously reasons this mom has said he needs to go live somewhere else, but when it’s then the daughter buying shoes and going to parents evening then the mom has done more than just taking a break to settle down, she’s basically been absent for 8 months theOP stated she rarely asks about him. He’s now got 2 parents that’s abandoned him

I think this shows there’s a fundamental problem with their relationship. He’s obviously a very considerate young man deep down but your mom brings out a hostility within him. I have a lad the same age and I can categorically say from my experience he’s been harder to parent at this age than my daughter was. I would find it hard especially without my husband around so for that I sympathise with your mom, did she not think for one second how he may feel though. Making him leave his home, she may well have felt she had no choice but to not realise this may cause a lot of damage that will require a lot of work to fix is astounding. There is no excuse for her not to be taking a vested interest in him. He’s at the most important time in her schooling to date and it’s you going to parents evening and you replacing shoes. She’s lucky to get a text message and from the sound of her effort in the last 8 months he’s shown again he’s not a bad lad. He probably had a little money and decided to spend it on you. Don’t let your mom make you feel weird. She sounds somewhat toxic, to ignore you for something out your control and being put in a position of her own making is unfair.

He will always remember you being there for him, I still remember the person from 35 years ago (My boyfriend mum)💐

@SubtleSnake Also, giving a gift (in any circumstance) is significant for the giver, as well as the recipient. Your DB might feel estranged from his own mum, and him giving a gift to a mothering figure validates his own need to be loved, cared for and 'mothered'.

@SubtleSnake That's such a wonderful gesture. Don't let your mum spoil this. You don't have to be a biological or traditional mother to be celebrated on Mother's Day, and it sounds like your DB just wants to acknowledge your generosity, and to thank you.

There aren't two sides. There's a sister whose doing her best by her brother after his mother absolved herself of all responsibility for him. It's a positive that he wants to acknowledge what his sister has done for him.

Your mother should be grateful that you were there for her son!

She sounds like a friggin narcissist. She’s obviously feeling threatened and taking it out on you. You deserved the card and she didn’t. She needs to grow up.

Echoing what others have said, you haven't done anything wrong. It was a very loaded question your mother asked you and you were caught by suprise. Now you are forewarned by her sense of competition, even thoughts she'd given up on him and you have stepped up.

It would be lovely if you could thank your brother for his lovely gesture though. He showed his vulnerability by getting that gift and, caught in the moment, you rebuffed it a bit (it's ok, you are young and learning too and clearly doing a brilliant job with him)

You didn't do anything wrong OP and neither did your brother. I think your mum is likely feeling guilty for neglecting your brother and is taking it out on you. 💐

Your brother is 15 and did something kind and thoughtful for you on Mother's Day - give him credit for that! Tell him it was really thoughtful of him and you really appreciate it and it means a lot to you.

As for your DM, well, she sounds like she has issues of her own. She has to work that out herself and not take it out on you, and more importantly not on the kid in this situation, your 15-year old brother. Poor kid sound like he needs a bit of kindness and support so it's great you can be there and are willing to be there for him.

I hope you properly acknowledge your brother’s thoughtful gift. It’s lovely that he did that off his own bat. Your mum needs to get a grip.

U should be really proud of ur brother, what a lovely boy, he’s done all that without being asked, it shows what a wonderful role model you are to him, you’re doing more for him than his own mother so a gesture of appreciation from him as Mother’s Day is technically about all the females around us that take care of us, whether that’s a sister or aunt.
ur mum is clearly feeling jealous as it wasn’t done for her, the fact she even asked the question, would she have been happy if you answered no

Are you paying all dbs expenses or doe dm contribute at all? How old are you and what are your plans going forwards?

Your mum was hoping it would fail so he would have to come back and conform to her rules except your brother has flourished under your care. She doesn’t like her shortcomings being blatantly clear for all to see!
You have done nothing wrong and everything right by your brother x

Wow, well done @SubtleSnake
Parenting teens can be difficult at the best of times so parenting a teen with problems, who is not your child, when you are presumably fairly young yourself and not an experienced parent is a huge challenge. But it sounds like you are making a fantastic job of it. That takes a really special person and your brother obviously recognises that. You have taken on the parenting role. He wants to show that he appreciates you and you are absolutely entitled to accept that.
It sounds like your Mum recognises it too and Mother's Day probably brought her own shortcomings into sharp focus for her. Maybe that's not a bad thing, it could be the wake up call she needs, who knows. But that's not your problem to solve. Focus on your brother and be proud of what you and he are achieving together. Enjoy your chocolate and drink out of that mug with confidence and pride.

Even from that couple of paragraphs, your mum sounds like a self-absorbed PITA.

Neither you or your brother have done anything wrong or even out of the ordinary, don't let her make you feel weird about it as the situation is obviously very positive in every respect, except for it highlighting her flaws, which she doesn't like.

How lovely from your brother 💐 your mother can’t have it both ways!

You've done nothing wrong and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job getting your brother's life back on track. Well done. Obviously your mum has her own issues but you are not responsible for that and sometimes you just have to acknowledge that some people in our lives are a bit irrational and you can't get to reasonable solutions with irrational people.

You haven't done anything wrong, your mother is manipulative.

She shouldn't have even asked if your bother had given you anything.

What does your mother expect, she threatened to send her child to care and manipulate her other child into parenting a wayward sibling.

This is excellent advice... Please please respond positively (in spades) to give reaching out. He needs this positive affirmation more than you can ever know.

You've done a lovely thing taking him in. He's been thoughtful in acknowledging that. Your mother has let him down, and also you by creating a situation where you are caring for him, so she should just be quiet. And she should have a think about why he didn't get her anything.

Well ok fair enough.

It's a different post to the one you made before to me though

This is spot on. He needs you, and you should really acknowledge your role in his life as his safe person. You’ve done a great job op, be proud. And so should he be for making that acknowledgement.

She gave you, her daughter an ultimatum of either her son, your brother goes into care or you look after him. Relinquishing all of her motherly responsibilities right there, if you speak to her again I would probably remind her of that. You have done absolutely NOTHING wrong and you sound like an amazing sister, he’s very lucky to have you. Happy Mother’s Day