About mothers day getting weird with my brother

This ⬆️

Yeah that’s what it sounds like has happened here. For the 15 year-old to suddenly be going back to school and being good for his sister, it seems like the issue was his Mum. Especially since the teenager has recognised “this is what it should feel like to have a supportive Mum” and to then actually thank her with a gift on Mother’s Day.
Poor lad, I hope he turns his life around.

How? She was about to kick her teenager out into care and her daughter has picked up the slack and helped him sort his life out.

Given he’s been able to sort his life out without too many issues living with his sister (pretty rare at 15) there’s clearly been some terrible parenting done by Mum.

What a lucky boy to have you, if ypur mum still wanted to be the mothering role she could still be attending the parents evening and buying/contributing to clothiny him etc

You are obviously a great role model for your brother and he feels happier and more settled with you. How lovely of him to get you a card and a gift. What a thoughtful young man!

Your mum palmed him off on someone else. That’s how he sees it anyway.
There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. Your mum is just struggling with the situation and lashing out. She’ll calm down.

That was extremely sweet and mature from
your brother and your mum should be proud he’s turned a corner and can appreciate what you have done for him. She sounds jealous and maybe guilty for letting him down she he needed her. You have been there and clearly done a great job by talking him in and clearly connecting with him and supporting him. Well done, you are a great big sister and were there when he needed you. He sounds lovely and so do you.

As a social worker I can assure you that plenty of parents want to put their kids in care for reasons that are miles away from dangerous behaviour. It's usually because the parent has screwed up earlier in the child's life and by the time they reach teen years the relationship has broken down and the parent isn't able to do what they need to do to fix it. The number of emotionally immature parents who relate to their teens on a level of peers is extraordinary.

Not sure why you mentioned it TBH. It was extremely sweet of him to get you a gift and you're doing a brilliant thing looking after him. Your mum clearly feels insecure and supplanted but she kicked her 15 year old son out so I'm not sure what she expects.

With your Mum willing to put him in care, I’d imagine the behaviour was dangerous, surely?
However, for it to have dramatically calmed down in just 8 months from living with you, it sounds like your Mum just couldn’t be arsed to parent her son and unsurprisingly your brother acted up.
For a 15 year-old to recognise what a Mother should be like (and then thank you for it), and then your Mum’s reaction at lunch despite rarely asking about him, it does sound like your Mum is the issue here.
You’re clearly doing something right with your brother and I hope it works out well for you both.

Your mum is completely in the wrong here. Don't let her impact the lovely thing your brother did.

Well done for taking care of your brother. It is an amazing thing to do. 💐

Your brother isn't weird. Neither are you.

Your mum on the other hand sounds a controlling manipulative woman.

Imo, when your dm went to her dd to say she was going to put your bro in care, this was a direct attempt to maintain control over you and force your bro to conform to her controlling.

Were the school aware of all this? What do they say when you turn up and they know he now lives with you send has a future?

You have done a very good thing. Don't let your dm spoil it. Don't let her wreck your relationship with your bro. Or make you feel weird.

Oh, and going to lunch with your mum, it was booked a while ago? Who suggested it be just you and her at a mother's day lunch? Who paid for it?
You didn't have to go. Be careful. She will be jealous of you, and your bro for dpi g well, and do her best to ruin it.

Your bro sent her a happy mother's day text. Did he want to or did he just do it because of her expectations and fall out.

Don't worry about her. Don't let your bro think her storming off is his fault somehow. Ignore her until she apologies, its not about her.

She thinks it all is about her. You've done a great thing. Her son is turning his life around. She brushes over that, and is more concerned for herself, and for some reason you don't know who is right.

It's great to know you are questioning your dm, and realising she doesn't have yours snd your bro best interests at heart. Don't apologise or make your bro apologise.

You have given your brother stability and love and he appreciates it and wanted to thank you for everything you have done. That’s wonderful. In terms of your mum she asked, it would be odd to lie so I’d say he got me something to thank me for taking him in.

Also, I think at 15 given what he’s experiencing, that your brother did that for you and messaged his mum says a lot about him. The two of you are amazing and I think your mum needs to consider therapy.

It wasn't obvious why PP asked me if I felt like a good mum when I threatened to put my child into care no. It was strange

Well, I’m getting a sense of why their relationship broke down and he’s living with you, just from that post.

He is really lucky to have you. You have done nothing wrong. Her emotionally manipulative behaviour doesn’t need responding to. Don’t be organised by her.

Your bother sounds lovely, he’s acknowledging that you’ve given him the stability he didn’t feel with your mum. None of this is your brothers or your fault.

Honestly if I were your mum in this situation I’d feel ashamed, sad and embarrassed. She’s projecting that feeling onto you two which may in part explain how he’s ended up with you.

Just crack on, he sounds like he will shape up to be a wonderful young man staying with you, his wellbeing is the most important thing here.

You're doing your best he's starting to thrive AND showing appreciation. Well done.

another on agreeing with @SalmonOnFinnCrisp. you felt shocked and awkward earlier but now you can talk to him and tell him you love him, how proud you are of him and thank him again for the card, chocs and sentiment. So many don’t get any acknowledgement of Mother’s Day from 15 year old boys not even a text like your mum did. Also agree to proudly use your mug and let him see it.
you and your brother have done absolutely nothing wrong, quite the contrary. Your mum is hurt but that’s separate. She was really wrong to say you had engineered things this way.

What an amazing sister you are! Stepped up when he needed you and given him a home, structure and routine allowing him to settle and thrive with you.
What a beautiful gesture from him showing how much he values you… honestly such a moving story.
I would well imagine your mum feels hurt but that’s not down to you or your brother it’s her own failing as his parent but she taking it out on others rather than reflecting on herself.
Time will heal, leave her to it to now!
You are amazing and hope your brother continues to thrive.

You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s difficult having an emotionally immature Mother. She can’t think about anything but herself and is unable to empathise. She probably didn’t have a great role model in her Mum I guess. It’s the way things are.

You deserved the acknowledgment from your brother. Don't feel guilty about it. You have probably changed the trajectory of his life and you should be proud of yourself. All kids need is just one solid adult. Well done. I get how uncomfortable that must feel for you though. Keep showing love. You sound like an incredible example of a human being.x

How lovely of your brother to do that for you. You should be v proud of yourself - and him. You must be v close and he must love and respect you a great deal. I hope you gave him a big hug and said how thoughtful it was of him and how much you appreciated it - so important to reward good behaviour, rather than focus on bad.

Your mum shouldn’t have got angry with you or your brother. She should be pleased he’s doing better. It’s obviously tactful not to mention he got you a card and gifts as it would be likely to hurt her. But if she asked you directly, you shouldn’t lie to her.

I can see why your mum’s hurt if she was at the end of her tether with your brother’s behavioir - it’s not easy as a lone parent. But she should be happy and grateful he’s improving since living with you. And she should still be covering his expenses - presumably she still gets child benefit? - and trying to rebuild her relationship with your brother, by supporting him as much as she can. Must be hard for him (and you) not having his dad. Does he have other men (grandad, uncles, family friends) who take an interest in him?

That was a thoughtful gesture from your brother, don’t make him think it was weird or wrong. He’s being vulnerable showing you he’s grateful.

I can understand your Mum being a little hurt, but she needs to work on her relationship with her son, not blame you. Focus on your brother, he’s the child, your Mum will have to deal with it.

She hasn’t been less than a great mum. She has been a shit mum. Also, her reaction is understandable only from the angle that she is self centred and so she is incapable of understanding the role op has played in brother life versus herself ready to put him in care and even now not showing much interest.

How?
Shouldn't mum be grateful that her son's taken care off by his own sister?
She clearly couldn't manage

Your Mum sounds self centred. Is she supporting your brother in any way at all - does she send over his child benefit, message him to ask how he is, liaise with school? You should probably be claiming some kind of financial support for looking after him. You should be proud of yourself for helping him out & he obviously appreciates all you do for him. I assume he is aware she made a fuss?