About mothers day getting weird with my brother

Your mum's reaction says a lot about you and your brothers upbringing and why he came to live with you.

You sound like a lovely sister and your brother did nothing wrong and you also didn't do anything wrong by telling your mum what your brother did for you on Mother's Day.

He also sounds thoughtful and caring and you are bringing out the best in him and shaping him into the young man he will soon be.

Unfortunately your mum sounds immature and best to just give her space.

I agree with this. It's lovely that he's shown his love and appreciation for you. Frankly your mum doesn't deserve anything especially after telling him he could go into care if you didn't take him.

If this is how your mum behaves then there is little wonder your brother is doing better living with you. Sorry. The present came from a good place, what a nice lad actually! He wanted to say thankyou and he should be allowed to. Don't let your mums jealousy and weird behaviour ruin that for you or your brother.

Ps - and thanks for being a fab big sis!

Kinship care is really hard and takes guts. Well done OP for prioritising the child in this

What an incredible big sister you are. I think your mum's reaction is probably at the root of her problems. He is clearly thriving under consistent care. She does not deserve your care given you have assumed so much responsibility.

Your mum is ignoring the fact that you are the one currently parenting him! Also, it’s not “Mothers Day”, it’s “Mothering Sunday”, which honours all women who are mothering children, regardless of their familial or biological relationship to them. You are providing a large part of the ‘mothering’ in his life at the moment, and it is wonderful that he has acknowledged and thanked you for it, and hasn’t forgotten his mum either. She probably has a lot of guilt and anger about the situation, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that you and he are clearly doing well.

It sounds like she gave him up as a lost cause and you gave him a second chance. You have clearly been a positive role model for him which was all he needed, he appreciates that and wanted to show you. I think he did a lovely thing. By all means try to keep the lines of communications open with your mum but don't let her behaviour ruin what was such a lovely gesture. Between you and your brother you have both turned things around in 8 months, continue as you are and things can only get better.

Her reaction shows she knows you are doing a better job than she could.

This.

You've done a brilliant thing and your mother sounds absolutely awful. That said you should've predicted this response and shown some tact for your db's sake not hers.

You're amazing and if her reaction is an insight into how she is generally, no wonder he's with you

No, you're obviously doing better than her. If she behaved like this with you, I'm not surprised he left. Just keep on doing your best for him.

I agree you've done nothing wrong and your brother's choice to show his appreciation is very loving and loving thoughtful of him.

There is clearly some back story here. I can absolutely imagine an extremely strained relationship between a mum and teenage boy. I can understand how that might end up with the boy living with his adult sister. What I can't possibly fathom is the mother so completely abdicating her responsibilities that you're the one paying for his shoes and she doesn't attend parents evenings with you. Maybe there's a very good reason for your brother's anger towards your mum. Maybe your concern for her feelings are misplaced

i think your mums response perhaps explains something of why your brother struggled with your mum.

Well done you for stepping up for your brother when he needed someone in his life to do so . He obviously appreciates all that you have done for him .
In regard to your mother . Oh dear , she had a sharp reminder of her shortcomings towards her son and she was jealous of his obvious appreciation of you . Shame on her . She threw her teddies out of the pram in front of you and flounced off as soon as she could .
Don't contact her and leave her to calm down and realise that she was in the wrong to react like that .I
Hopefully she will see she's been a bit dumb and will apologise .

I think it’s lovely that he went and got you a little something, teenage boys can be so thoughtless or embarrassed to show appreciation, it sounds like he’s finally feeling settled and flourishing.
Your Mum can’t threaten to put him into care, have you look after him for months and expect him NOT to get you anything.
Parenting IS tough, she was struggling to cope and you were, by the sounds of it, the only option left.
She is allowed to feel a twang of disappointment/regret what she shouldn’t have done was verbally said anything about it apart from ‘how lovely’.
What she shouldn’t have done is thrown a hissy fit and made it all about her, which I suspect is a pattern rather than a one off.
Let her ignore your messages, leave her to stew and carry on as you are

I think you’re doing a really good job of looking after your DB and he appreciates it. There is nothing wrong with showing you how much he appreciates your support.

I would stop trying to contact your “D”M and give her a bit of time to cool off. When yiu are bank in touch i would put her on a serious information diet. My own “D”M is very similar. When I talk to her I ask her lots of questions about her own life avd we talk about that, which works because she’s simply not interested in other people. We always say about her “anything you do say will be remembered and used against you”.

Sending sympathy though, it can be tough having a Mum who can’t figure out basic parenting

Well it’s time for your mum to pull her socks up then. Surely this should be her wake up call. Can you suggest he starts seeing his mum one evening a week and building up to staying there?

Your mum was likely embarrassed as she’s done a piss poor job of raising her child herself and you’re obviously better at doing it. This is her problem, or yours. Sounds like your DB is doing well and you should be proud. He obviously appreciates you and can tell who the adult looking out for him is. Just ignore your mum.

You stepped up to look after him where she couldn't, for whatever reason.

If she was a decent mother, she'd be happy that you're doing such a good job that even a 15 year old appreciates it.

It's not about you really. Mothers day has held a mirror up to her own failings.

Exactly this.

No good deed goes unpunished

your mum is incredibly unfair. Forget it OP. It wasn’t weird, your brother just gave you a token of appreciation. You’re doing a great thing and it seems like you’ve caught him from slipping away.

So often, an argument about A is really about B

In this case, I imagine Mum's reaction is about the wider situation, not the card

Your brother did a lovely thing and your dm has dumped him on you. You sound like you’re doing a brilliant job with him. I’d let your dm stew, she threw him out and is now resentful?!

Let her have her tantrum. Don’t message her. She’s the one that palmed her teenager off. No wonder he doesn’t see her as a mother.

You sound lovely. You have taken on a big role in your brother’s life that sounds like a game changer for him. Neither you nor your brother did anything wrong, and the fact he sent her a text maybe shows he’s trying to keep communication open with his mum which could easily have collapsed given the circs. She should focus on the positive. And you should use your mug with pride, that’s a lovely thought from a teenager. Cherish it.