About mothers day getting weird with my brother

Mothers dont choose to give up on their children at the drop of a hat.... she likely tried everything she could and did the best with what she had and nothing worked. It doesnt make her a 'less than great parent' she will be feeling like a complete and utter failure with guilt none of you unless you have lived it could even fathom.

You didnt do anything wrong OP, its great hes settled down for you but please try to understand where your mum.is coming from, she doesnt ask about him much probably through the above feelings she carries, she will also carry a huge amount of resentment (not towards you) but towards herself and the situation.

I have a teen, he still lives with me but I wont lie and say hes easy, hes disrespectful and has said numerous times how much he hates me, hes brought things to my door I never thought he would all without leaving his room! Refusal to go to college etc so I understand why your mum reached breaking point.

Give her time and your brother time and then start on getting them to repair their relationship. It wont happen overnight or even quickly but theres always hope that it will be repairable.

Don't underestimate how incredibly hard it must have been for a 15yo boy to be so emotionally vulnerable, especially in his circumstances. Your response might have felt like a rejection, and he must already feel rejected by every other parental figure in his life. Please go give him a hug, say thank you properly and that you love him and appreciate him!

At the forefront of this is how your DB feels, and he's expressed his feelings to you. Its lovely that you've taken him in and he feels settled enough to do what he's done.

Your DM on the other hand, while having the right to be upset needs to realise that she doesn't get to give up on her DC yet still get to be treated like his DM.

Your mum is being very unfair. You stepped in where she couldn't and she owes you gratitude, not sulks and silence.
The fact your brother did what he did and has improved under your care doesn't speak well of her parenting of him and now she seems to be reaping what she sowed, doesn't like it, and is taking it out on you.
If I were you I'd not chase her. She doesn't seem to be a positive influence in your lives right now, so don't let her create upset and drama. Concentrate on your brother and let her get on with it. You've done nothing wrong and it's not on you to try and fix anything.

That gesture from your brother says it all. Your mother handed him over to you because she couldn't cope with him. You have made a success of it and his appreciation of you is evident in his actions. Your mother is reaping what she sowed. She sounds quite immature and self centred. Do not give it another thought. Let her contact you. You have done nothing wrong. She does not deserve any recognition from him as a mother. You earn't the praise and she wants to take credit for it.

Well, if it wasn’t before, it should be abundantly obvious why your brother was struggling as he was. What a lovely thing he’s done and how wonderful of you to be such a safe place for him. It sounds like you both would benefit from distance from your mum because it sounds like a really dysfunctional family dynamic.

The old fashioned term for Mothers Day was Mothering Sunday.

You are generously and successfully doing the mothering in this situation.
Your brother knows it and showed his appreciation in a very mature way.
Your mother also knows it and showed her jealousy/embarrassment/humiliation and reactive personality in a very immature way.

I would give her time to come to her senses. But from the little you say about her maybe she won’t come to her senses at all and it can be surmised that that’s what caused the problem in the first place.

In the meantime, you are doing a fantastic job. Well done !
Your mum should be very proud of you.

Absolutely agree with this. Your mum sounds like a piece of work and your bro is lucky to have you. Let her storm and sulk!! You didn’t asked for this, are clearly doing a great job and your mum needs to grow up. She can’t have it both ways!

I can see why your bother thinks more highly of you than her.

You really need to take a step back from her and think about how she behaved.

she turned a nice gesture from your brother into a drama and is now abusing you by ignoring your calls.

I suggest you start ignoring her.

I can't

She's dumped her son on his sister and she's clearly doing a good job.

She's jealous

@SubtleSnake I'd be a bit wary she'd try to take him back. Which will put it all back to the beginning

Out of interest, does she help financially? Do you get his child benefit?

Well she’s handed over parenting to you so what does she expect 🙁

She’s sulking because she knows you’ve stepped up in a way she couldn’t, and him celebrating you yesterday just highlights that. It’s her problem not yours, and not his. Don’t let her derail his progress, it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job 👏🏼

You’ve taken on a huge responsibility, one that should have been your mums, but one that you have stepped up to regardless. How exactly is she spending her time these days with you caring for her son full time? Of course you shouldn’t feel guilty for him giving you a small token of his appreciation, it actually shows what good work you have done with him that he can recognise this.

Seems your brother has started to turn a corner, thanks to you OP, not your mum.
She sounds awfully hard work - threatening to put him in care unless you took him in, sulking and ignoring because he gave you a very small token of appreciation. What do you get out of your relationship with her? Was she a good mum to you? I’d be tempted to let her sulk indefinitely! Don’t let her drive a wedge between you and your brother.

I can see it from the child's side, certainly.

your mom sounds horrendous.
you sound lovely & like you’re doing a GREATjob with your brother.
your brother sounds sweet!
please do not take away from what he did to show he cares about you (and feels neglected - rightfully so - by your mom). This is a 15 year old doing better because of your intervention, opening up & showing /telling you that. Keep supporting him in that!

ignore your mom’s fucking tantrum. This is very much NOT about her!

This is the one. Is she narcissistic?
I don’t like the way she ‘span’ the fact that you are taking on her responsibilities and doing better into something offensive to her.

My guess is he’s better/emotionally safer with you.

Sounds like you’ve done an amazing job supporting your brother and bringing stability to his life, something your mum wasn’t able to do.

Its lovely he recognised that and sounds like he’s really growing up.

Leave your mum to sulk, she’s obviously got a lot of issues to work through and should be grateful for what you’ve done when she gave up on him.

This!!! She sounds awful OP. If she can’t see why he might have treated you after caring for him for 8 months when she was happy to put him into care, then she is a bit thick tbh.

Both of you block her for a bit and get some peace.

The fa t she flipped demonstrates she has a temper and is emotionally difficult.

Your mother's reaction is her fighting her own demons, and not a reflection on anything you've done.
What is important is that you're there for your brother and he appreciates that.
Don't allow your mom's turmoil to spoil his gesture.

Sorry - it is clear that your mum is the issue here. He communicated that in the message that accompanied his lovely gift. He’s very lucky to have you, but there is clearly stuff going on with your mother that you have simply not realised for him to be settling with you and for feeling that he is safer and more loved in your care.

You're obviously doing a good job and he's obviously v grateful and happy. He's sounds settled and doing well. Maybe he was craving care, attention and routine and you've given him that. Well done. I would leave your mum alone for a bit and keep doing what you're doing. He's done nothing wrong either and you should maybe let him know, that you understand why he got you the present and card and thank him

Sorry you have to put up with this. You clearly connected with him in important ways that his mum obviously couldn’t. Obviously his dad opted out, so was even less helpful. I understand your mum is jealous but obviously you’ve done everyone a huge favour. Feel like it puts more pressure on you too though. Hope you can be ok.

He’s basically thanking you for stepping up and saving his life and sanity. If your mother were doing her job properly, she would have been happy and grateful that he’s settled down after being with you not throwing a drama. Even if privately, it was upsetting for her. She sounds very hard work-you have done a big thing in supporting your brother-he wants to show his appreciation.