AIBU to want to sell my house and daughter wants continue to rent it ?

You probably missed the updates. The OP rented her own home to her older daughter. And lives in her partners house. She does not own two properties. Just the one her daughter lives in.

I totally agree. This now deleted post was one of the worst I have seen on these boards.

Sorry too late to EDIT my post.

I hadn't read your following posts.

I'm glad you're looking at buying another property for the security.

I feel for your younger daughter. Being the more responsible one always bites you on the bum.

The op says it’s a rental house. Does that mean there are two houses? One she lives in and wants to sell? Or do they all line together?

Hi Chloe, so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

It sounds like your daughter is being thoughtless, although I appreciate that she is worried about her own kids.
As the local renting market seems relatively affordable, if she receives housing benefit, she could look into whether this would cover any increase in her rent on a different property. The entitledto website is a good place to start to check benefits eligibility.

Either way, you have been very selfless for at least the last six years in respect of your daughter - probably time that she tried to get a change of perspective. You are certainly not at all selfish!

I wish you all the best 🌻

I couldn't deprive my mother of having the money to enjoy her life whilst she has the chance. Could equity release work? In your situation, I wouldn't worry about leaving an inheritance for your DD when she has been so self centred. I don't know all that much about equity release but maybe it's a way to give you the money you need without having to deal with DD guilt tripping you.

Am I the only one thinking 850 to 900 is quite manageable still? When I hear about people being priced out of an area its usually £1300 upwards.

I think the ages of the grandchildren are probably relevant here. Are they both young teens or is one younger? £15k would be the difference in 4 years worth of rent, would that be long enough for her get on her feet a bit more?
While I feel for your daughters situation, I do think it's unreasonable of her to be insisting on a bigger house with a garden, when that is going to impact the quality of your remaining time, and it's hardly 'throwing them out on the streets ' to suggest she cuts her cloth accordingly. The one daughter also has to recognise that you have to be fair to both long term.

Oh give over. If you were my offspring I would sell the house from under you and spend the rest of my life on expensive cruises! I would make sure you didn't inherit a mouldy penny.

If you look at OP's posts, you can click "see all" and see all OP's posts for updates. You know. Get the whole situation picture. Like a sibling so house will need to be sold eventually anyway, financial help plan...

Just felt like that "see all" should be pointed out...

I think you are the one with cancer (I'm so sorry ❤️) which is life changing, even if not life limiting (🤞🏼).

I think if you want to sell your property & release some capital to enjoy now, you should!

BUT if I were you (& I'm obviously not! But I have had a life changing medical event, a stroke and it has changed my life completely! My financial plans are in ruins BUT I own my home (well me & the bank!! But the stability is so valued!! If I was renting I'd be so worried I'd be asked to leave (because of private landlords selling up)) You need to be carefully considering your own housing situation. You're not married, it's your partner's house. Life changing health issues change people & relationships. I'd look at downsizing the property you own. But still keeping A property that you could move into should you need to. Which you could let your daughter rent (if you're still so inclined to)

i can't believe your daughter is calling YOU selfish, you're her Mum. Doesn't she care more about your diagnosis & quality of life?? FFS.
yes, renting is hard, renting & being a solo parent is hard (where is the kids Dad in all this, does he contribute??) You wanted to sell 6 years ago ! She's taken advantage of your generous nature for 6 years & is now being horrible to you?!?! Jesus.

@Chloe2434 PLEASE don't feel guilty. You are an amazing mum and have given above and beyond to your daughter. But you do have to prioritise yourself now. Tbh it's so disappointing that your DD doesn't feel the sake way.
There is no reason for her not to rent a smaller house from you if she doesn't want to rent privately. If she has to sleep in the lounge so be it, it's a subsidised roof over her head.
I'm speaking as someone in a not dissimilar position re accommodating a DD and grandchild so understand all the issues. But she has choices, has been exceptionally privileged with the support you've provided, and should be returning that support now. Not giving you grief.
I wish you well, your deserve much better.

Have you worked out what this would cost you in fees and stamp duty? We just moved and it cost us about £30k. Would it actually be better to get an equity release/mortgage to get the capital that you want? But your daughter should be more respectful and appreciative and understanding of your position

Look into selling your DD a percentage of the house.
Would that work?
Have the house valued then work out how much 50,000 would buy.
Have a proper document drawn up.
You get 50,000 Your DD then pays a mortgage and also pays rent to you for the percentage that you still own.

YANBU. Daughter is on a good deal and knows it. Time for her to grow up and face reality.

As horrible as this is and she shouldn't have called you selfish, because this is an awful situation for you - Nothing would trump putting my children on the street. I just couldn't. Social housing is awful, run down, filled with mould, and private renting is a rip off.

Before anyone jumps on the UC band wagon paying rent - It's capped. They pay up to £700 maximum on private rentals. It's my job to know this. Sometimes they pay even less depending on means tested income (work , capital, inheritance. If you left her inheritance over 16K, then her UC will stop completely. If you left her a mortgaged house like the one she is living in, then she can potentially claim Support for Mortgage Interest.)

Either way, I think if your daughter found herself homeless with children then I wouldn't be expecting her to support you through your cancer journey, because you'll both be in a horrendous situation.

Can you do a 2nd mortgage on the home and increase her rent slightly? Or increase it anyway to get some extra income for yourself? Lump sum from pension? Draw down?

This is a very complex situation to be in. People saying the daughter should have saved - Great. Yes. She would then have her UC cancelled and need to live on those savings to pay rent/mortgage, and then reclaim, but a capital deprivation decision would need to be made, to ensure she hasn't purposely made herself broke to claim benefits.

All scenarios leave them screwed. One major scenario can be prevented by not putting your child and vulnerable grandchildren on the streets. You can have peace of mind knowing they have a roof over their head, they won't have to struggle, you can continue a good relationship with your daughter.

If you do decide to sell, then I think you need to accept that your daughter is also a mother, and a mother will be furious about her children being made homeless. 3 bed houses are in short supply. A privately rented one starts lowest arpund 1300 a month.

What do you want for your daughters future when you are not here and she will still he a single mum?

Good luck with this one.

I think the best thing to do in this situation is for you to serve her notice legally. She needs to apply for social housing and go through the process of being made homeless. She obviously can’t afford to privately rent, so this is the best way to meet her long term needs. Maybe you could help her out with moving costs and decorating her new property when she gets one. As much as I sympathise with your DD, it’s your house and your money, and she’s been very lucky to have rented it so cheaply for this amount of time.

I'd have thought that if OP had funds from the sale of a house she wouldn't have any need to worry about finding the cash to rent, etc..

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis.

Edit ... sorry OP I've just seen that you're intending to purchase a smaller property.

The entitlement from your daughter is shocking. This is your house and you obvs want to be fair to both daughters. Not just the one who is already getting a lot more financial support. Your plan sounds reasonable. You absolutely should free up a bit of cash to enjoy life in care you can’t in future (although I hope your cancer recedes obvs). Your daughter should be supporting you not calling you selfish, when it is clear who is the selfish one.

I think the bigger issue here is not that OP wants to free up money to spend now, but that this is OP’s main asset, and will have to be sold eventually because she has another daughter who will inherit half of it. That’s a minefield.

My Gran lived in a big house that she shared with my Aunt (separate kitchen, living areas, but still just one house). When my Gran died, half of her share had to go to my Mum, so my Aunt had to sell. But she didn’t want to. She dragged it out for years, letting the house fall apart so it was unsaleable, and eventually bought my Mum out for a derisory figure. They never spoke again.

OP’s older daughter has got to vacate this property at some point, otherwise the other daughter is disinherited.

@BoredZelda
OP is choosing to put herself before the needs of her child and grandchildren. By definition that is selfish.

Really?

I am a tad shocked by some of these responses. OP has a terminal illness and wants to enjoy the rest of her life, for however long that may be, and spend some of the money she has earned over the years - let's be clear it is her house and her money after all.

The DD needs to learn (quickly) to stand on her own two feet. I cannot see for a moment that someone who has financially subsidised their adult DD and two DGCs for several years can be labelled selfish!? Are you all for real?

OP I'm not sure what the answer is from a financial perspective but I would be expecting my DD to be finding ways to help herself. The DD is the selfish one expecting her terminally ill mother to live the rest of her days supporting her and her family and consequently not being able to create her own last memories before her illness takes hold. Shocking.

That's not OPs fault, I grew up in a family in real poverty, my mum didn't expect her mum to house her indefinitely. She worked multiple low paid jobs, my dad worked 60 hour weeks in factories. OP is offering get daughter 15k after 6 years of low rent, when does it end?

I agree with this. Better to sell the house now and give the DD a realistic amount to work with, than put it on the other DD to have to turf her sister out one day.

People can be quite poor, you know.