Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

They are adults they should have made their own mind up to meet you. They need a chat with their dad and can meet you just don't tell mum or they aren't interested in meeting you. Its up to how it make you feel, I would be sad I had not met them as they are part of his life, a video call could be set up if meeting is a problem.

Give the guy a break !

hardly a player 2 women in all those years.

we don't know what went on behind closed doors

sounds like he's found happiness may not necessarily move onto another just cos he split up once

Agree. I hate the word bitter being thrown out when the reality is the kids probably despise their cheating parent and the affair partner for wrecking their childhood.
And not sure how exactly it’s their loss to have nothing to do with a parent who prioritised his sex life over his kids. Imagine being smug and sneering about being one of the reasons kids don’t speak to their parent - just grim.

I’ve posted before about my friend who committed suicide at 5 months pregnant when she discovered her husband was shagging someone young enough to be his daughter. That’s the reality of what damage cheating can do.

@Oldtigernidster "it’s their loss as they are bitter"

What "loss" ?

They haven't lost anything apart from a shitty, cheating father.

And how can you claim they are 'bitter' if you never speak to them ?

Maybe they just have good taste.

That’s very sad. He has no regrets - yet his actions caused his children to break ties with him?

He sounds like a very selfish man.

People use the word bitter when they aren’t willing or able to understand the consequences o their actions/ The aren’t bitter, they just have a moral compass a don’t want to associate with you or their father. .

Well I do hope that your husband never told his children 'you either accept my new partner in your lives or you don't see me either.'

If they've chosen to have nothing to do with him because he left to be with you, that's an awful shame. The fact they've chosen to have nothing to do with you is entirely their right and I don't think you have much to complain about. You got him and that should be enough. You don't get the promise of an easy ride with his children. If you do get it then that's a bonus. But you were never entitled to it.

That’s exactly the story of a friend of mine in his late 40s. He’s good looking and a player, slept with 400 women. Always cheats, has women everywhere. Had various kids with flings who were younger & wanted kids.

he’s now touching 50. Going grey, but dyes his hair. Doesn’t look the 25 year-old he always did. Finds it hard to explain away several kids to impressionable twenty-something girls who want to live with him.

he’s now finding it harder to sleep with babes and get women to stick around. He’s had to drop his standards.

so he’s either getting gold diggers or women he likes who dump him once they find out his real age and he’s got kids and exes all over the place or they ask for increasing amounts of cash to stay with him, which he’s not prepared to pay out as he’s a tight arze.

I told him at least 10 years ago that he would end up alone and penniless, robbed dry by gold diggers and it’s turning out that way.

Like you I was the other woman in my DH’s life. He left her and his DCs (they were around the same age as your partner’s are now) and married me. I have ‘met’ them at funerals, never at other times. We have nothing to do with each other and he has nothing to do with them either, it’s their loss as they are bitter and have allowed themselves to be influenced by their mother.
We have had 33 happy years together with no regrets whatsoever. Go for it and be very happy.

Exactly .
Life is far more complex than that .
Finally , someone else that realises everything isn’t just black or white 👌

And her young kids have been dragged through this random bloke being moved under their roof and calling himself their step father despite still not even getting divorced.

Think I lost interest after the blasé admission of being 'the other woman'.....if only you and your kind knew the hurt that innocent kids, no matter their age, go through

I would not be getting involved with this man.

”how you find a man, is how you lose him”
”marrying the mistress creates a vacancy”
”once a cheater, always a cheater”

Of course his parents are happy you are putting him up, otherwise he, a grown man, is sleeping on their sofa 24/7 and eating them out of house and home.

how do you know once he’s back on his feet and got enough money for a home, he’s not running off with someone and asking you for half your home?

also, how long is he paying the mortgage on his exe’s home?

the whole thing puts you in a bad financial position.

His daughters probably don’t want to meet you because you and their dad had an affair and broke their family up. I doubt it’s their mums say so more they don’t want to.

Under no circumstances should you marry him without meeting his kids.

why has his ex got any control over who he dates and doesn’t date? On divorce, she (ex) should be history. Especially since all his kids are in their 20s, they can make their own mind up about you. They shouldn’t be dictated to by their mother if they should meet you or not.

is he paying his ex maintenance? On divorce it should be over if the kids left home now.

do not move him in until you have your ducks in order. If you drop dead, he can claim your house as his own and your money and savings goes to his ex and grown up daughters.

Since he’s lived with you for 3 years, he could claim maintenance off you even if he runs off with another woman.

no wonder he’s nice to you! Big dollar signs in his eyes.

Also, on divorce he should at the very least be making a new will that cuts out his ex spouse.

i wouldn’t ever date anyone poorer than me. If anything goes wrong, you could lose everything and he won’t be seen for dust.

If you have assets why on earth are you thinking of marrying again?

Not that he’s actually asked you. I suspect having gone through one divorce he will be wary of another.

His kids aren’t kids. It’s up to them if they want to meet you or not. I wouldn’t be interested in meeting the woman my dad had an affair with. Wouldn’t come to the wedding either.

@HeadDeskHeadDesk anyway I actually have to genuinely thank you as it has been interesting to me to hear the other woman’s thought process.

when my ex came home and out of the blue told me he was very unhappy and have never loved me … never mentioned this before funnily enough..and put all the blame on me.. I often wondered what the ow thought. How she justified it to herself.

I am sorry OP but you can't have your cake and eat it.
You had an affair with him and split their family up, he wants to get married - red flags all over the place I am afraid.

If you are married with children you do not allow yourself to fall in love with someone else. If you feel you might then you avoid that person like the plague. You imagine them at their worst etc. we are logical creatures who can control ourselves .

but if we do do it then we fess up and say I fell in love with someone else , that’s on me. And don’t spout the crap about having been unhappy in the relationship. Because if that was the case then you should have left

I agree, exactly my point in my post at 17.29

So he filed for divorce two and a half years ago? His children are no longer dependents. Most divorces are done and dusted in about a year.

I really don’t understand your logic here. It’s not a loaded way of looking at it. The pain you caused his ex wife is no better or worse because you didn’t intend the affair hurt her. No one has affairs to deliberately hurt their partner. On the contrary they are being selfish and not thinking about the person they hurt.

but i see this is the logic you have used to protect yourself from the fact that you caused harm.

its like governments calling people who get killed in a war collateral damage.

And as dd made up his bed who exactly was his wife hiding it from? 🤷‍♀️

Do you honestly believe that ?

I’m not sure I would want someone who could so easily compartmentalise his life as a role model for own DC. He seems to be very good at that.