Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

21 and dropped out of uni over 3.5 years ago? Daughter making up father's bed and wife hiding the evidence? Something's not adding up.

No fool like an old fool.
One day in the future another woman might have same issue with your children refusing to see her.

If he is such a hard worker why didn’t he make his own bed.

If she’s 21 now and you met 3 1/2 years ago she wouldn’t have been at university.

his DD would make his bed up sometimes on the floor and ex would hide evidence in the cupboard so no one saw they were sleeping separately

Sure.

He told you all this presumably, as you haven’t met his DD so they can’t corroborate his stories.

He is living with you because he can’t afford rent and mortgage to house his DC.

Sounds like you have a cock lodger tbh.

I’d look at it purely from a financial standpoint because there is no reason you can’t continue to cohabit as you are with no issues. How would you benefit from marriage ?

Do own your house ??
How much equity is there in it ?
Do you have a pension ?
Savings ?

How will his divorce impact him financially? Please bear in mind the possibility that his proposal could be for his own financial interest.
Most people are considerably worse off after divorce. Will his assets post divorce, match yours ?

Everyone gets married thinking they’ll be together until they die but things can change, even in second marriages. In a divorce, he’d get half your assets.
If anything happens to you,his kids could end up getting a share of your assets instead of it going direct to your own children.
My lawyer told me that marriage overrides any previous wills that have been written.

Protect yourself and your children and see a lawyer before you decide anything.
When you take the superficial romance out of it, marriage is just a form of legalised financial protection.

So just think: Would you be protected or more vulnerable ?

You know that makes no difference, right?

I think you have been taken for a fool. I wonder if he was still in a relationship with his wife when you met him, he wanted out but needed somewhere to go, you became the other woman without realising it.
These days divorce is non blame, either party can apply and the other one can't block it and they do not take 3 and a half years.
You need to demand clarity or he moves out. do not marry him. You have to think about what would happen if you died tomorrow, would he look after your children or would he walk away with whatever money and property you left behind?

And he’s a high earner but couldn’t afford to rent somewhere - it’s not quite adding up is it?

How old are your DC?

You will always be ‘the other woman’ I’m afraid.
There are 2 possibilities here. 1- you didn’t know he was married when you started seeing him, and only found out later. 2- you knew he was married but still went along with having a relationship with him. If it’s possibility 1, why do you want to marry such a sneaky, lying man? If possibility w, the same still stands.
Either way, he is an arse for having an affair particularly as his DDs would have only been 15 and 17 and possibly in the middle of GCSEs and A levels.

So did he move straight into yours from his family home?

How long were you having an affair before he officially ended things with his wife?

And how long after that was it until you moved him into your home?

He did not sleep on the floor for a year. 😂

I’m sure part of the reason you haven’t met his DDs is because of him, he’s got some skeletons he wants to keep in the cupboard.

I have nothing to do with my father’s almost ex-wife, previous ‘step mother’, she had an affair with my father when I was in primary school. (Surprisingly it lasted 20 years before he left for another woman!). My mother did tell me why he left and I refused to have anything to do with her. That’s likely the other part of the reason - they think you’re vermin / scum.

Definitely both above, maybe other reasons too. If he sees them regularly, both him and DCs are working hard to make sure you don’t meet.

I don’t think either of you cared too much about what his DDs would think about the affair… you didn’t meet before he moved in, so why stop there? Just get married. Although I’m wondering how quickly you let someone with dubious moral character move in with your children!!

I doubt that their mum is controlling the narrative, who would actually want to meet their dad's affair partner.
Marry him if you want but his relationship with you vs his DD's will likely remain separate.

The girls are now adults and can choose whether to meet you.

Also delayed until maintenance doesn't have to be paid and the children still housed.
I'd put money on his ex being fucked over.

How do you know he’s a brilliant dad if you’ve never met his children? You are not seeing the full picture. I would go in with caution.

Do they definitely know about you? I mean they might know about the affair but do they know you are currently in a relationship and living together? Don’t just take his word for it.

It is up to them whether they meet you and i’d respect their wishes but I’d be suspicious about what they know. Even with respecting their wishes, this will put a strain on your relationship. They will always always come first for him (as they should, but not to your detriment. And most men in this situation with added guilt carry on treating the daughters like they are still at the age they were when they split up, not adults).

I had a family member seeing a divorced man for about 5 years (about 10 years after his divorce, which had followed his affair with someone else). He would not tell his adult daughter about his new relationship. She was approaching 30. Anyway he was a bastard and he was cheating with someone else who did meet the family.

Bitter is not a nice descriptor. Betrayed or hurt might be better.

Good fathers don’t shag around and cheat on the mother of their children. If he was a good father but was unhappy in the marriage, he would have separated from his wife and made sure his children felt secure before starting another relationship.

This is a man with low morals, he shagged around behind his wife’s back which always negatively impacts the children. He’s selfish. Marriage vows also mean nothing to him.

What could possibly go wrong?

Seriously OP, do you not want better? A man who doesn’t cheat, who is actually a good father, has good morals, cares about how his behaviour impacts others etc?

I was the daughter in a similar scenario and although I knew my parents weren’t happily married - our lives were turned upside down when my Dad had an affair.

It’s been nearly 30yrs and although I’ve forgiven my Dad and rebuilt a relationship with him I have never forgotten how that felt when I was 16/17. I still got great results, went on to do well etc but the stress it caused doesn’t go away. I don’t think I’ve fully trusted anyone since - it made me realise the person I trusted most in the whole world couldn’t be so I couldn’t rely on my judgement anymore.

I never had anything to do with OW - I think I met her 2/3 times over 15 years, didn’t even want to hear about her. Whether I was a grown adult or not, and even 15 years later I was delighted they were no longer together so I could more easily see Dad on his own.

I think you a completely wrong to think this is coming from their mother although I doubt she’ll be helping.

At the very least, seek some legal advice OP!!

This!! Your lies are showing OP!

He’s a cheat and you sound like the desperate bit on the side.

I don’t think OP is thinking rationally at all 😬😬

Yikes ! 😮