Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

You’re right, you only get one life. But you still have to live with the consequences of the choices you make. Get on with your own life and let his family do the same.

so you have an affair with their dad when they were teenagers - he left his marriage for you and you think the only reason his daughters don’t want to meet you is because their mum is bitter?

Life is messy and these things happen - but you can’t expect these women to just accept you after what happened. They are adults with eyes and morals of their own. They see you as someone who has a relationship with a married man - they will have their own views and judgements. That’s okay.

maybe in time they will soften, but don’t blame a bitter ex wife when you had the affair. Lots of people would have an issue with the woman their dad cheated on their mum with! And in most cases the relationship isn’t perfect - of course it isn’t. Doesn’t excuse the cheating and lying.

You actually believe all his bullshit? slept on the floor?
Why do you have a joint account with him? he’s still married!
You sound incredibly daft and deluded.

A lot of people are in unhappy marriages - I was for many years. We knew we wouldn't grow old together but neither of us had affairs. We eventually went our separate ways.

If his marriage was so bad that he was sleeping on the floor (no sofa?) the teenage daughters would have known about it, and there would be no need for the wife to be hiding the evidence! You have only his word for this, and it's nonsense - no one sleeps on the floor for a year.

I'm reminded of a colleague from nearly 50 years ago - she was having a long term affair with a married man who couldn't leave because of his young children but he was 'sleeping in the spare room and he and the wife were like housemates'. Well until the wife became pregnant as a result of his 'sleep walking' !

But you’re basing all your knowledge of what his marriage and his relationship with his kids is like on what HE has told you. A cheat. A deceiver. A liar.

I assume the only way you know this is that he has told you… and you believe him…
(Maybe it happened a few times. But every day for a year? I doubt it very much.)

Has it occurred to you that he might not want you to meet his daughters in case they don’t corroborate things he has told you?

His daughters are now adults. If they wanted to meet you they could have done so at any time during the last three years.

Marry him , that’s fine, but don’t expect a relationship with his daughters who obviously are sticking to the party line drawn up by his ex. It’s for him to decide what to do about them, and to think about how he will feel in a few years time if they get married, have babies and you both end up feeling excluded from the relationship.

None of it adds up. But as they say no one falls in love quicker than a coclodger who needs a roof over his head

It makes zero sense. Straight from the Script.
I'd be insulted if a sleaze was trying to spin me such obvious lies so he could move into my property.

@Missj25 it's the man's fault that things are shit with his current wife, due to his choices he caused her trauma.

Well if he’s still paying the mortgage, sees his daughters every week & is there at a drop of a hat for them , he is a good dad I agree .

It’s a shame things are so shit regarding Ex wife .
His daughters are adults but it sounds a messy situation .
What does he say himself about it ?, as in have his daughters expressed an interest in meeting you , or are team Mom & don’t want to have anything to do with you either Op ?

He does have a close relationship with his kids by the sounds of things and sees them weekly. The OP has already said he couldn't afford to live independently and pay the mortgage on the ex-marital home. That would be a stretch for most people. He left is marriage to be with the OP so he's obviously not going to not live with her just to keep his kids happy, is he? If he was going to do that he may as well have stayed in his marriage, sleeping on the sofa.

You can judge all you like but affairs happen, people leave, marriages end, people get hurt, children get resentful. It happens.

He hasn't refused to have anything to do with his kids unless and until they accept the OP. He doesn't force them to come to a house where she and her children are. The OP hasn't insisted he introduce them. It sounds like they have found a compromise that works and are handling it as practically and sensitively as they can, under the circumstances, which is never easy.

None of this points to him not being a good dad. Good dads sometimes leave the mothers of their children, just as good mums sometimes choose to leave the fathers of theirs. Things sound very binary, straightfoward and black and white in your world. Unfortunately real life isn't quite like that.

I dont think he'll willingly marry you without a lot of nagging amd manipulation on your part and his dc won't play happy families with you either.

I would never marry a man who put his new partner before his own kids.

If my DC hated my new partner/had never met him, then I’d be getting them to meet and working on their relationship before I even considered taking it to the next level.

How long were you together for before he moved in?

Why did you not meet them before he moved in with you?

It honestly sounds like he jumped from living with his ex, to living with you - in that case there’s no way I’d marry a man like that.

When you say you live together, how does that work,? Your house, his house, renting?

And the poor OPs young kids who had no choice in this lying cheat being moved into their home

That’s not as brilliant dad it’s a feeling-guilty one.

He was shagging you whilst still married. What on earth made you think he was marriage material? Poor kids stuck in the middle of this.

Op what evidence do you have that it’s the wife saying they can’t see you? My guess is they’re not having an inch of you and their mother
has stepped up and took the flack for it to save them having to come across rude and cause further upset between them and their dad. They don’t feel safe to be honest with him, probably because they worry he’ll abandon them again. It’s 100% what I’d do to protect my girls if they needed me to. They’re not interested, if they were you’d have met them. That says a lot of what they think of him and you. As for the proposal you sound well suited so go ahead.

The oldest dropped out of university at 17, probably due to her shit show of a home life and being worried about her mum and sister.

You have a joint bank account with a married man, thats a marital asset.

If I had an affair, moved in with a random woman and her kids, failed to bother renting my own place for my children and barely saw them I wouldn’t consider myself a good dad as they are the actions of a crap dad.

At what stage of the affair didn’t he introduce the crazy and controlling wife narrative?

Hmmm let's assume the daughter is 22 tomorrow... Born in March 2004. She could be younger, definitely not older...

OP and DP met over 3.5 years ago (so around September/October 2022, maybe earlier...)

... Meaning that the eldest DD would have been 18 years and 6 months (ish) at this time, so would have just finished Sixth Form that summer of 2022... so would be joining university around the time OP and her DP met.

So how did she drop out of university before you even met OP??

Because she couldn't have dropped out before she started around October 2022...

I couldn't be bothered.

So his daughters wouldn't be at your wedding? You possibly will never be at theirs or see your husbands grand children or other life events. Sounds to messy.

So the OP was the OW
He stayed living in the marital home for a year while knocking her off
He slept on the floor with his dd making up his bed
His DD were 15 and 17 but one had already dropped out of uni
He moved into the OP’s home with her 2 young kids
3.5 years on he’s still not divorced
Hes ahigh earner but couldn’t afford to rent
OP and him have a joint bank account despite him still being married
The two adult daughters want nothing to do with OP
Hes still paying mortgage fur natural hone
The ex wife is bitter and controls the dd
The OP is desperate to marry the lying cheat

What could possibly go wrong for these true love star crossed lovers?

There’s no way I’d want to spend the rest of my life with someone who had to get his dd to make up his bed for him. Wasn’t he embarrassed to tell you that? And why not the sofa? Or did he realise you’d feel more sorry for him on the floor? He’s a liar and a cocklodger who could have divorced and sold the marital home by now if he has any regard for you. Remember everything you know about him is from him. Keep the minimum in the joint account.

He's not a brilliant dad OP. He's chosen you over his kids.

They're adults, they choose whether to have a relationship with their dad or not. You can't blame their mother.