Ghosted by friend!!! Aibu?

You are overthinking this.

It was objectively a situational friendship that seemingly worked in the situation you were in at the time - then local, school mum set up, DS then friends - none of those still apply - the situation has changed so time to make new situational friends.

Your reflections are also valid on her always falling out with people, being negative and critical to you and culling her SM - these would have been my boundaries to have ghosted her first - why did you tolerate that?

Where are your boundaries and self respect?

I would be flipping this to a positive that “the trash has taken itself out” - that this jealous, negative, resentful, vexatious, contrary character has flounced off - to make room in your life for more radiant friends.

Hi - firstly want to say sorry to hear this- it’s odd & unsettling when a friendship changes & can make you feel a bit lost. I don’t think it’s showing off or weird or anything to mention you moved to an exotic location- relocation is normal and how fab for you that you and the family got to experience it. It’ is important you noted the financial difference and how it may have mattered to your friend- because while you seemed to just like this friend- for her it appears it worked when it worked in the social position she was used to. Friendships often built on social hierarchy don’t continue to thrive when the balance changes which can be so hard when one of you didn’t realise that’s what it was or that it mattered to them so much. You’d think they’d like a match but no it appears she wants to be ‘higher’ hence the mean nasty comments about your home which I’m frankly shocked at- who does that if they are meant to be a friend! It’s downright rude- friend or not. It seems to me that you made a friend, explained you weren’t good at texting -after you moved- upfront- even if this might have made friend sad- she was told and she could move the friendship mentally from ‘everyday’ to ‘away and catch up’ which I have to say as we need to be able to do as we grow up- if someone is upfront as explains what they can or can’t do then that’s good communication! It’s important need to understand- that said- being there when you need to be despite distance- matters. It doesn’t seem you ignored her but she could have been vocal about her needs too rather than passive aggressive which is wrong. Especially as she was so excited about you moving back and now her son has been acting in a mean way- this is not acceptable and you need to make it clear. Yes you miss the friendship and it’s SO hard to accept that someone is being like this, mean, commenting, ignoring you- ghosting- after initial recent care & interest. It can feel like she lured you back to make you feel awful! Try to be calm, remember- short of not being in touch enough- which unless you discussed how this would work while overseas- (you aren’t family!) has to be accepted- especially if she’s so thrilled about your return! And for her son to treat yours like that it’s terrible. Please report it and if you can- have a firm confident word with her- tell her her comments and attitude aren’t acceptable and it’s sad as you did cherish the friendship. It might shake her out of whatever jealous vibe she’s on - jealous and resentful- but remember anyone who does this- wants this effect. Say or write your piece and be- in peace ok!

You should be able to talk about the good things in your life with friends. You don’t sound braggy at all, I had a friend like your friend once, she completely ghosted me and looking back I realise she seemed to prefer it when things were going wrong for me. Not a friend at all really so good riddance.

She’s clearly jealous of you. Coming round and being rude and negative isn’t a pleasant experience and nice people simply don’t do that.
Unfriending someone is nasty and unnecessary. You can still be friends with someone on social media and simply unfollow them without unfriending.
Your friend has decided you are no longer friends and doesn’t want you in their life. It’s harsh when you have a genuine affection for someone but really move on.

Her behaviour speaks volumes.
Don’t waste energy wishing she was still a part of your life and wondering if you did something wrong. We never have any control of what people think of us …. But we can control how we respond to that.
You already know she doesn’t hold some of her ‘friends’ in high regard. It’s never nice to realise you’ve joined ‘those’ ones!
Leave her to her cruel behaviour and surround yourself with people who wouldn’t even consider behaving like that …. to anyone.
You deserve better!

Seems a shame. Have you tried asking her about it OP?

Two things here.
Firstly friends should never be in competition or be jealous of each other. Friendship isnt based on money and material goods. So do you really want to be friends with someone like that? But it might not even be that, you're just guessing.
Second thing you may have just drifted apart. I know you said youre not the best at communicating but sometimes you have to make a bit of an effort, especially when youre the one who has moved away. If you dont appear to make the effort it looks like you dont care and aren't bothered about your friendship.
If you want to try resolve it why dont you speak to your friend to try determine what the issue is and see if you can resolve it and reconnect. Failing that put it behind you and move on.

Yeah I wouldn't get too bothered about the social media thing. It's a bit dramatic to say it's a statement. It's fine to not want to see someone's post if they annoy you. Staying friends online is part of the whole fakery of it. Be glad it's a clear line and take that as your cue to disengage in every way beyond basic civility.

Interesting that that is your opinion. I keep my social media circle fairly small and aim to only have people on there who I actually speak to in real life (besides a few networking contacts who can't see anything I post anyway as my settings are set up to only show posts to selected people)

I think it's fair enough to unfriend people on social media if you're unlikely to pick up a real life friendship with them again. Why would you need to still see their life if you're not part of it?

I agree with you.
However, we on MN can’t possibly know what is in their minds. So it’s up to you to make a decision.
Either you go to see her and ask her, face to face, what has happened to bring about this change.
OR, you just put it down to experience and move on.

It is a statement.
It's a firm, final statement that you can't rightly question because everyone knows that Facebook is just silly. If you make a fuss, you are silly too.
That's how it goes now.

The message has still been delivered.

How do I act when I see her?

Personally I’d say hi and keep walking past, because it will give you the least emotional consequences. Any tense or terse exchanges tend to have more emotional consequences.

If she responds and asks a question maybe the unfriending is not a personal issue but a social media cull. If she says hi and keeps going she is doing the same low emotional consequences thing. If she ignores you then you haven’t really lost out by just doing an absolute basic social norm.

Turns out she’s not a very nice person tbh, wasn’t actually a good friend. She preferred things when she was wealthier than you and her DC out performed yours.

She sounds very jealous and wanted things as they were before not the reality of how things are now.

I agree with this. She was really rude to you and her son is a bully.

It's still going to hurt because she presumably hasn't always been like that. I hope you make some new friends who are worth your time and energy.

I think your lack of effort over 2 years means she’s not keen to see you now.
And saying in advance that you wouldn’t be in contact isn’t great.
I have a friend who has started going away for 3 months each year. I hear from her at the airport then maybe a 1 line text until she contacts me the day she gets back asking to meet up that week.
i don’t expect even weekly texts, but i don’t feel important to get, and I’m seeing her less.

I saw OP’s ‘showing off’ more as trying to find reasons why this friend would be off with her, rather than just boasting. I read it in the context of laying out the circumstances to mumsnet, not ‘oh we’re so great’.

It’s not ‘justified’. It’s just not that mysterious.

I wouldn’t be bothered by the unfriending, its just SM. i don’t understand why people get bothered by that.
Doesn’t mean you can’t say a polite hello in the street.

A video call once every couple of months was obviously not enough to sustain this friendship. And the boys are no longer close either.

It’s not that surprising your friend is acting as she is.

You can make excuses all you want but a text or two once a week doesn’t take long and shows you care.

When you basically go low contact with people you cannot expect them to just sit around hoping one day you’ll give them your attention again.

You wasn’t settling for years and your child wasn’t sick for years. Those would be understandable times when contact slows a bit due to life aboard or not.

Maybe she thought once you came home the friendship would be great which is why she was lovely on FaceTime but when it came down to it and you where stood in front of her she just resented the lack of effort.

I have never had successful with reviving old friendships

Sure but then accept that it will have an effect. You had more important things to do in your new life. The friendship withered and is dead now you’ve come back. Let it go and carry on with the rest of your life. Bumping into someone occasionally doesn’t have to be anything other than a nod and keep walking.

Completely normally. Be pleasant and friendly, unbothered. Don't extend any invitations or make enquiries about her life, just be an adult.
Make like you've cheerfully accepted her decision and won't be responding with any drama.
If she wants bad feeling she can create it on her own. You be sweet and no one can accuse you of any wrongdoing. This is her issue, leave it with her.