Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

One started it, one took it far. Not sure I could be proud of one child beating the other up so much they couldn't walk! She is physically stronger, it was very wrong regardless of sex. A bit of scrapping is standard sibling behaviour unfortunately, one beating the other black and blue is not.

A sibling hitting another sibling generally isn't abuse though, it's a very different scenario, one which many will have experienced at one point or another and there's no real harm done.

The girls taunted him about him being weaker and pushed him and then he hit out. I’d probably do the same if someone did that to me. The sister attacked her brother in a horrific way. This was not self defence. The sister needs to see someone for anger therapy and her bullying behaviour and the brother needs to see someone about this low confidence. Or OP needs to have these conversations.

Bollocks. They were playing a game and he got physical out of anger because he lost. He is the one with the big anger management problem.

Christ.

My big concern here is your son’s behaviour. He has some serious issues if he is lashing out because someone beat him at a game. You need to get him some therapy or anger management. Very very concerning.

Is it possible your DD reacted the way she did because your failure to deal with this properly in any way so far?

And no 9 year old needs a phone.

And yes check what DS is looking at on his phone. And restrict phone time anyway.

Cancelling his birthday won’t do anything. He needs ongoing help.

Obviously, it depends on what exactly happened, but the daughter sounds psychotic to me.

He was so badly hurt he couldn’t walk and was covered in cuts and bruises? What exactly did she do and how long was she beating him for? That’s not normal behaviour in a 9 year old, not even close. Normally childhood fights stop once one party is hurt and stops fighting.

He shouldn’t have attacked her but it sounds like he got frustrated and doing something small and physical is normal sibling behaviour (it’s not right, but it is normal).

I am amazed how many people are applauding her beating him up. When she pulverises a school mate, she won’t be congratulated.

You are as immature as your kids. When a child is already feeling jealous about their sibling’s strength, you are supporting harmless playfighting. You are proud of your dd able to self defend, even when she went too far.
Your son who is 3 years older is physically weaker than sister and you think it’s okay for them to compete with sister and cousin.

What are his interests? If he is interested in running and martial art, then how could his strength be developed.

Both kids are in wrong but based on your posts here, I am assuming they don’t have good guidance. Your focus is on punishment when there are deeper issues here. One kid feeling inadequate compared to sibling. If it’s not addressed, and on top you punish by cancelling his birthday, he can be very resentful of you.

Her and her cousin kept pushing the boy. He hit his sister once. Sister beat her skinnier brother so badly that he couldn’t walk. I previously said they need to be punished equally, but now I think the daughter should be punished more harshly. She is a bully.

I read this last night but didn’t post, then I’ve come across it again this morning. I can only say like others, if it was the other way around, your daughter hit your son and then your son beat your daughter up, causing bruises, would you still be happy?

Sounds like neither of them can control their emotional response. For your daughter to have beaten your son up to the point he cannot walk though…I would be worried about any child exhibiting that level of violence.

It's not a zoo. Zero tolerance for physical violence.
Point out to him that he started it and the retaliator always has the moral upper hand but tell her she over reacted and needs to rein in her temper.

But OP says she is bigger and stronger than the person she beat up - her brother. If she had similarly badly beaten up another, smaller, nine year old girl who provoked her, should OP be proud of that? People keep talking about self-defence, but legally self-defence needs to be reasonable and proportionate. The DD went way too far. Both children need punishing and OP also needs to work on the family dynamics (violence is accepted and a 9 year old has a phone?!).

I would enroll your son in a sport like bjj or judo so he can learn to control aggression

As others have said it wont be long until your son is bigger than she is - this could escalate if you cant get a handle on it now. You need to come down on them both like a ton of bricks. Explain to her the concept of 'one punch' - there is an episode of 24 hours in police custody which is on this concept if she is old enough. Self defence has a limit.

It is never disproportionate for a girl.or woman to teach a person who will one day be stronger and bigger than her, or who is now stronger and bigger than her, to treat her with the respect he owes her.

It is never OK to teach a girl that the feelz of a male must be put ahead of any desire she may have to win a race or to demonstrate superiority in any other field.

I hope the brother learned a much needed lesson - I do t know how a boy gets to the age of 11 still thinking he will get away with swinging first, or that it is OK to vent uncomfortable feelings through violence.

The really troubling bit about the incident is that this boy felt jealous to the point of rage. Somewhere deep inside he must have felt that hitting his younger sister would result in taking her down a peg.

Having been on the receiving end of that sort of treatment from my exH, and stemming from jealousy too, I find it extraordinary that women here can't join the dots, understand that male entitlement and refusal to deal maturely with emotional discomfort are horribly dangerous character traits that start young and continue because they are never challenged - and are trying to portray the sister's response as a negative.

I wouldn't be cancelling the cinema or his birthday.

I would be sitting them both down, individually, and talking about how this is a violence free house.
DH could sit down with DS and discuss feelings. How DS feels and how he feels like reacting and what is acceptable and what is not. He needs to be offered ideas of what to do when feeling jealous. His Dad could suggest he tries to swap his feelings to ones of pride in how strong and fast his sister is getting (remembering that he is male so will end up very strong).
Intervention and discussion often for a while to help DS identify his feelings and how he should react.
DH accompanying DS to an anger management course could be useful.

Your DD I would still admonish for beating a person up. Ask her to brain storm other ways she could have reacted, once she had fought of her aggressor.

Have both use their muscles to spring clean their bedrooms and help their Dad clean the outside windows before they are allowed to attend the birthday experience.

I don’t think she should be punished for defending herself. Your son was the instigator and just because he came off worse doesn’t change that fact.

Of course you are conflicted as they are both your children. But put it in an outside perspective. An older boy at school hit your daughter who she in turn beat up. Would you punish her for that??

Don't punish either of them, you should be sad not angry, they are both probably heartbroken

But she's not just defending herself, she's humiliating him and unable to control herself.
And he's not just competitive he's unable to control his emotions and thinks hitting is ok.
rough housing and wrestling is ok if it's play and agreed to, this was proper fighting by two unregulated kids.
You say you noticed that he felt bad about his sister and cousin being better than him - why didn't you respond to that with him to make him feel ok about it and himself and even proud of his sister.
you're proud of what happened? Have a word with yourself and apologise to your kids that you let it get this far - they will be competitive and hate each other if you do t promote them being happy and proud of each other. Jesus how did it get to a point of him being hurt that badly - is it normal for them to be like this with each other.

they have a phone each at 9 amd 11? Seriously let this be the line on the sand and be a physically and emotionally present parent who is responsive.

most 11 year old boys would not hit a younger girl because they would have strong messaging never to

You're applying adult logic to children's underdeveloped cognitive abilities. Your reply is great in theory, but not for this age in development.

Your son started it. He lashed out physically at your dd out of jealousy. She defended herself. You cannot expect kids to know limits. Cognitively they lack development in impulse control. You can only keep telling your kids hitting is never the answer unless it's for self-defence and only to get away as a first choice, or subdue until help arrives.
I wouldn't cancel anything.

The daughter's talent is running fast. You must really want to make a doormat of her to have misinterpreted that so wilfully.

So beating up someone weaker than herself is displaying "her talent" in your world??

How about in a few years once puberty hits and DS is stronger than DD? Will it be ok for DS to beat her up and leave her injured on the floor if she dares hit him? After all it will be simply using his talents.

DS needs to be punished, sure, but so does DD for her completely disproportionate retaliation.

Punish your son, but not your daughter.

Your son should not be allowed think it's acceptable to batter females when he doesn't get what he wants.

Your daughter should not be made to think she is wrong for standing up for herself, nor that she should hold back her talents in future to avoid upsetting a male because she will suffer the consequences.

Absolutely disgusting on a site by women for women that some posters want you to teach your daughter subservience by the back door.

Do you generally favour your DD over your DS? Because it sounds that way and, if true, will be creating a poisonous atmosphere between the siblings. Parents shouldn't play favourites.