Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

Actually this is a complete load of bollocks.

Don't put adult issues onto young kids.

Op should be teaching her children that there are far more important qualities than who’s the fastest or the strongest. She should be teaching her kids that everyone is different shapes and sizes and about kindness and bravery and showing respect.

She should also be nipping in the bud ant silly
play fighting, because it always escalates and ends up with tears and injuries.

No. Violence is wrong full stop

This! There's a difference between lashing out (still not ok) and beating the crap into someone. Your daughter sounds like she needs help and absolutely the same (if not greater) consequences. Feeling proud of her is pretty shitty of you.

I generally tend toward "fuck around and find out" but the "find out" part needs to be proportionate. If he had hit her and she slapped him back, fine - that might have taught him to keep his hands to himself.

However, your DD completely lost control and took it way too far. Rather than feeling proud of her, you need to spell out that physical violence can result in serious, life-changing injuries.

Since she enjoys sport, maybe a martial arts class might teach her to regulate her temper.

I am so shocked that ANYONE would answer this thread without horror at the horrendous behaviour of any child attacking any other child to the extent they needed carried into the house! Your children sound aggressive and out of control, I don’t care their sex.

I think it’s reflective of the real world tbh. Women of all ages are sick of male shit and him being smacked back serves him right. A little bit of shame will do him no harm either.

Ffs

this response is all that is wrong with this thread

They both crossed a line. Tell ds he shouldn't hit anyone but especially not girls or women and certainly not anyone younger and smaller than him. Tell him he deserved to get hit back and should learn a lesson. Tell DD you are glad she can defend herself but that she shouldn't hit, unless she's in danger, and that although her brother was annoying that wasn't the way to deal with it. Point out in a few years it could have ended a lot differently and you won't tolerate fighting in the house. Then take away both of their screen time for the whole weekend and get them helping around the house.

This is outrageous on so many levels. You really need to review your entire approach to parenting. You son hitting your daughter is awful and needs punishing but your daughter also sounds completely feral if she assaulted him to the extent he was covered in scratches and bruises. As for taking away both their phones, why does the 9 year old have a phone in the first place?

It’s mental isn’t it. And to think some posters are encouraging it.

It’s sad to think that there are children who have to grow up with such ineffective parents.

All children should be able to live safely from violence and that includes sibling violence.

Good grief, I can’t believe you think any of this is OK.

I’d suggest your son has had his punishment, so I’d be giving him a telling off for starting it and not cancelling his birthday.

What your daughter did was much worse. Beating a sibling so they have cuts and bruises and can’t walk is unacceptable. One hard swift punch back would have been commensurate, she can’t just launch into battering people even if they start it.

He deserved to be hit by her but it sounds like she didn’t hit him in self defence (ie to stop him), it sounds like she assaulted him. Is there something else going on here? Jealousy or long term resentment? I would punish both quite harshly. Him for being dumb enough to start a physical fight and her for a complete failure to understand what an appropriate response looks like. They are both old enough to know better.

Oh right on cue, nice one.

So DS hit dd as she was beating him at games and she defended her self - but went a little too far

what would your brother /sister said if DS hit your niece instead of sister

both are wrong tho it may make DS stop and think a bit

so she’s 9 and he’s basically 12 next week - he will remember this and hope he won’t hold a grudge and beat her worse another day in years to come

you def Need to stop this now

when you say had to carry DS in - why couldn’t he walk / or you didn’t actually mean you carried an almost 12yr in / but helped him in

both need punishing. Both need to say sorry

don’t cancel birthday trip

going to school with bruises etc Monday will also be embarrassing for him if he says what happens

Nip in the bud now your son thinking he can use his hands when he doesn’t get his own way otherwise he’ll come up against people who aren’t his sister and will give him more than he bargained for, and good on your daughter sticking up for herself. Hopefully your niece telling everyone will make him think twice. At 11 if he does this at school or out and about he’s going to get a big shock.

Punish him for hitting her and punish her for covering him in cuts and bruises. Yes she should defend herself but not by beating her brother to a pulp. He needs to learn not to hit in anger and she needs to learn appropriate self defence, a slap if someone slaps you or beating someone up when they are really trying to harm you and you cannot get away. School will want to know about the cuts and bruises and how they happened

Sadly so many answers here seem to think because the massive overreaction was by a female on a male it’s fine. The DS doing what he did is objectively wrong and utterly unacceptable. For the DD to render him unable to walk and covered in cuts and bruises is the same. That is NOT self defence.

You sound like it's just up to you, maybe his father will just take him regardless if he thinks that's right.

Physical violence against each other is something which should have been left behind when they were toddlers.Would a disciplined sport help both of them?
Please don't feel any pride that your daughter beat her brother up.
Were you not at all concerned that your son's school would report his injuries, it's really worrying if they didn't/ don't.

So now I have realised what the "game" was-does that mean that he was being bullied & couldn't walk away when he'd had enough though?

Either way his sister either went way over the top "defending" herself or just out & out beat him up.

You’ll get a lot of boy hating comments on mumsnet telling you he deserved it.

But honestly op, this is disgusting behaviour from both your children and it needs nipping in the bud NOW.

You sound gleeful that your daughter really hurt your son. It won’t be long until your son grows up and if you don’t stop them fighting someone will end up injured. You shouldn’t be proud of your daughter for hurting your son.

You should be warning them to stop fighting or there’ll be consequences. I was never allowed to physically fight with my siblings and I’ve managed to function perfectly well as an adult without resorting to violence.

Beardie, you presumably do realise that if your dd assaults someone at school, she could face severe consequences - expulsion/police etc. They don’t care about provocation, you cannot just use violence in that way.

@BeardieWeirdie they were playing a stupid game in the first place where the girls were throwing the weaker child to the ground. It’s quite possible she had hit him first (or he thought she had hit him)

OP has encouraged/allowed play fighting between the 2 different sexes siblings. So he has been getting mixed messages. Boys don’t hit girls unless it is your sister.

They are too old to be playing games like that

Calm your pride in her defending herself because it’s unwarranted.

1. when she is an adult, it’s likely that more than 97% of men will be able to overpower her. Men are hugely stronger. Fighting them is idiotic. Protecting yourself as an adult female comes down more to being careful than physical scrapping. I say that as a 6ft very well built strong tank of a woman. I am under no illusions that the vast majority of men could easily take me down. My size is a minor deterrent and my size lets me pass for a man if it’s dark and my hair is hidden. But in a physical fight, it’s useless and I’ll be overpowered easily.

2. she is not in a “girl power” situation with her brother. They were engaged in childish competitions that played to her strengths and things she’d trained for. They had a childish fight which she took way too far if she ended up properly beating him up.

also the cognitive difference between them is likely smaller than the age gap with a boy/girl that way round at those ages.

they both need to behave themselves and control themselves.

especially because once he’s into/through puberty, if she tries to beat him up again and he fights back, he’ll annihilate her.