Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

No one should ever hit another person, ever.

Ever??
What a strange thing to say.

Of course people are entitled hit someone else when they are being attacked. Do you think they should just stand there and take it?

If your child has been beaten up so badly that you had to carry him in OP, then he should be taken to the hospital. Why couldn't he walk?

What happened when you had to carry your son inside?

This really…

I find Mumsnet so anti boy, it's insane. I can't believe the OP is proud of her DD for beating the crap out of her son and wants to cancel his birthday.

It's just shit parenting, if your kids are this violent, you clearly must not allow them to put hands on each other at all and supervise them to intervene early.

He shouldn't have hit her obviously but she should be punished far more severely as she has clearly used far far too much force to retaliate

Well given the ages legally speaking the boy is the only one who would be held responsible.

He assaulted his little sister and she whooped his ass.

Not saying agree with the fight full stop mind. As I’ve said before I don’t do play fighting full stop.

I mean….if he’s covered in cuts and bruises that’s pretty insane…..
Then you had to carry him in….

theres a line really…..

I think you need to play it really carefully with DS. There is a lot of this ‘manosphere’ bullshit going around online, and if he’s already feeling that way towards his little sister then it might be the type of thing he latches on to later down the line.

I think they both need to be punished in a practical way and 1-1 conversations. Leave it at that for DD- perhaps a conversation about self-defence being proportional, but also a conversation about how it is absolutely not acceptable for a boy/DS to treat her that way and that you can also understand why she might have reacted so strongly in the moment.

However, I think your DS may need more than punishment in the long-term. I think some 1-1 time, TLC with you (and perhaps separately with his dad if that’s possible) and attempts to connect with him and understand how he is feeling right now- big mature talks that are sensitive and understanding to his feelings. I would keep these conversations going and keep and eye on him for a while to steer him in the right direction. Also, does he have a hobby or skill, something that he’s good at and that he can feel proud of himself for? I think he needs something like that to boost his self-esteem.

She didn't just defend herself, she "properly beat him up," giving him cuts and bruises, and he needed to be carried indoors. I'm actually shocked at the level of violence she came back with. I'd ground her for a month!

All sounds nuts.

Both need consequences. Its not acceptable to lash out nor is it acceptable to beat someone until they need carrying inside. Lessons learned by all parties here I think.

God its a sibling spat where they got thumped each, him worse than her. He shouldnt have started it and he's come off worse

They're both in the wrong, both need a telling off and some consequences and some acknowledgment to each other of why it was wrong and what they're going to do in future

But really, most siblings fight, particularly brothers, although obviously you have one of each.

This poster nails it.

As proud as you may feel of your DD your son received a disproportionate amount of injuries and will not forget this humiliation- he’ll get your DD back in time and one day he will be stronger than her.

You need to nip this in the bud - it’s awful you didn’t intervene sooner. Why did you let it carry on? Your DN needs to be told not to squawk, least said soonest mended. Your DD should be told she was out of line for going too far. Is this how you want your kids to behave 😒

@SnowWaySnowHow Absolutely spot on!! Imagine being proud to have raised any child - irrespective of gender - who scratches and hits any other child. You’re raising two real gems there OP 👍 Your poor son for coming off with injuries like that.

It's still assault.

Way too harsh.

An apology and a games in the garden ban. Amy more provocation or making fun of him and escalate punishment

A child was beaten so badly that he's covered in scratches and bruises. Sex doesn't come into it.

OP needs to sort this out now.

I would say you have absolutely failed to handle this

You should have intervened before your ds started things physically with your dd.

You should have intervened before your dd beat up your ds.

You have utterly failed to parent your kids and seem proud that your younger dd was able to inflict physical damage to an older boy. Congratulations. Can't see that coming back to bite you on your arse in the future 🙄

WHAT? DS is smaller and less strong, and his sister gave him cuts and bruises??? That is completely unacceptable! How spiteful of her.

I'm just imagining the responses if it was an older brother who gave his younger and smaller sister a bunch of cuts and bruises!

DD's behaviour was wrong and uncalled for, not to mention worryingly violent.

No not all of us do. I would be livid with both children. But hey mine never hit each other so maybe I can’t judge. The rule ‘never put your hands on someone’ was pretty clear.

Never allowed playfighting because it’s only fun till it’s the same person loosing all the time then they get mad and lash out.

While lashing out one of two things happen. They get super strong and beat the normal winner into a pulp or as seen here get beaten into a pulp.

No play fighting.

I wouldn't punish her for defending herself. I disagree that self defence is supposed to be proportionate. It's supposed to be sufficient to stop it from happening. If a man is trying to hurt you in any way you beat the living shit out of him so he stops and never tries again.

A boy hitting a girl becuase he's jealous of her is really bad and needs stomping out now. Becuase in 3 years and the testosterone kicks in he will be dangerous if he thinks that's how he can treat girls and women in the future.

He started it. She defended herself.

In the future, she needs to stand up for herself against men, and he needs to not hit women becuase they make him feel inferior.

I think your DD is bang out of order. It sounds way too aggressive if he is covered in cuts and bruises. I’d be having strong words with both of them. They obviously don’t like each other and things will get worse if this aggression and rivalry continues. Nip in the bud now. I wouldn’t punish a birthday but I’d make them both miss something they like this week. Your DD needs to be able to stand up for herself but is in danger of becoming the bully. Your son needs to learn to manage his ego. Both need guidance here. Imagine if this happened in school.

Fuck around and find out.
From now on ALL physical or competitive games are off the cards between DS and DD
He needs to be taught under no circumstances do you hit a girl and she needs to be taught not to wind people up

A girl hitting a boy IS a different matter to a boy hitting a girl. We all know it.

It's a bad thing because it leads to shit shows like today. Tell both your kids to keep their hands to themselves.

What a mess.