Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

I wouldn’t worry too much about the niece telling others either. That’s also a natural consequence for him.

I’d have to do a safeguarding referral if I heard this at work. Sibling on sibling violence is a safeguarding concern. Yes siblings fight but being covered in bruises and struggling to walk is completely unacceptable and school will be very concerned.

There is nothing complicated about this situation OP, you’re over thinking it. Your son was wrong to attack your daughter, your daughter was wrong to disproportionately retaliate. That’s it.

You’re an either a man or a woman with such ingrained misogyny that you’re utterly blind. There’s plenty of people that I may have differing view points with on this thread yet you’re the only person on here trying to blame women for men’s shortcomings. Get in the bin.

'if I’m being completely honest I also felt proud that she’s confident and doesn’t back down'

He's covered in cuts and bruises. That isn't not 'backing down' it is obviously physical assault.

Tell them both they have to learn to control themselves or else as a parent I'd hope you'd dish out some consequences, surely?

Exactly.

This has likely made everything so much worse.

So he already feels tension that his little sister and cousin are physically faster and stronger than him. He has now also been quite badly physically hurt and absolutely humiliated. And op feels pride at dd.... wonderful 🙄

Well, he might….

If hitting is allowed (I assume it is given you haven’t suggested a sanction for either of them) he might hit her back after he’s gone through puberty.

that wouldn’t be good for anyone, least of all OP’s daughter.

Stop pretending they’re not.

Stop pretending the "manosphere" is something new and that women are the cause of it.

Why has your 9 year old daughter even got a phone? Your son should not have started the fight. Its not playfighting when someone gets hurt is it? Your kids are now big enough to do each other real harm so I'd stop minimising it as clearly its no longer play with your two is it.

That's what I said.

What if it had been a random lad rather than her brother, would it be ok to be proud then?

How long was this going on for before a parent realised? I don't expect you to watch them constantly but surely the sound of fighting would've been heard and over a prolonged period. You know they're ridiculously competitive, but as parents do you think it's ok to just not know what they're up to for long enough for people to get covered in bruises?

No. Not unless you want the whole world to live by those rules and walk around beating each other up left right and centre to teach valuable lessons.

Why should she be punished? She didn't start it. Just leave it for now; it seems likely he's learnt his lesson and won't hit her again. But if he does, crack down VERY hard.

They both need to be punished. He was wrong to hit her and she went way too far to claim it was self defense.

No more roughhousing games and it sounds like they can't be trusted to be unsupervised in the garden either.

The longer I spend on here, the more that rings true.

No wonder the manosphere is a thing if this place is anything to go by!

It's not harmless though is it? I really would have thought you'd have learnt that from this. If they're trying to get each other to the ground then someone could easily be seriously hurt by hitting their head.

Play fighting with your dad when your 3 is one thing (although not something i think is appropriate because why would you encourage fighting at any age) but having siblings and cousins fighting at around secondary school age is really inappropriate.

You're the one who's to blame and who should be punished IMO for allowing this to go on! You need to put a stop to all this now.

I can’t say how she felt, but as I said previously, if a 9 year old girl is getting to the stage where she feels unsafe or full of blind rage because of her older brother, there is a massive parenting issue that pre-dates this attack. Or, she made the choice to dominate him. Either way, she needs help because neither of those things are acceptable. Suggesting it’s fine because she needs to learn to fight men off is ridiculous.

I think that’s too harsh.

But both should be sanctioned in some way, e.g, phone use. They’ve both been violent. It’s not entirely self-defence if your DD beat up DS.

She hasn't the right to beat people up.

Your son needs to learn to keep his hands off other people.
His sister taught him a valuable lesson.

Absolutely. In an ideal world.
But it sounds that he’s walked himself into quite a harsh learning scenario here.

You really sound perversely thrilled OP, I guess she is your favourite and you sound quite mean towards him, don't cancel his cinema trip.

I agree. And I just can't get the mindset - anyone beating the crap out of anyone for any reason is not normal.