Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

I wouldnt no. I dont think violence is acceptable. Its not self defence and I would warn her of this and punish her for not seeking an adult.

I no longer allow games of strength/physical competitions to start here, I have boys that are 16 months apart in age but with very different builds.
One towers above me and enjoys going to the gym, the other is small and slight and has the build of a runner.
I stopped them ‘competing’ against each other from about the age of 7 and 9 as someone would have got seriously hurt.
It was around that age they started to throw their weight around, squabble and bash.
Your Son shouldn’t have lashed out but equally your daughter shouldn’t have pulverised him either. It sounds like she went far beyond what was reasonable for him to have to be carried inside and have cuts/bruises.
Instead of being proud that she stood up for herself you should be concerned that a simple game with slight competition effectively ruined an afternoon with your niece having to go home and resulted in your children hurting each other enough that skin was broken/damaged.
I sat both mine down a couple of years ago and told them of the man that killed someone with one punch after a fight in a pub, an extreme perhaps but they were both resorting to solving issues with hitting/shoving and I needed them to try and understand how dangerous lashing out could be.
Mine still fight/squabble but the hitting has mostly stopped, they shove and hurl insults now 🥴
It’s natural for siblings to push boundaries with each other so that they learn what is tolerated/acceptable, but it’s not something that should be just shrugged off as ‘he deserved it’.

This sentence was based on OP proposing unequal punishment of the two (punishing him solely). Learn to read properly.

Yeah I agree, this needs further help. One exasperated hit...you could words of advice, punishment...but battered in response and maternal pride in the consequent harm...when the consequences could have been super serious.
This needs work to fix.

It's the sort of event that could really twist a young brain and affect personal development and personality.

Maybe she'll harbour resentment towards him, since he's the one who couldn't take it and hit her first.

It wasn't a random lad so totally irrelevant.

OK but please remember this @ForAmpleRobin in a few years when your son will be much bigger and he severely beats up your daughter if she crosses him. Hope you will feel equally proud over him standing up for himself. 🙄

You need to work on his self esteem and jealousy issues, I don't suppose being battered by his younger sister will have helped this much.
Tbh though, fucking good for her, yes she went too far but it was in retaliation and he's hopefully learnt a valuable lesson.

Not sure if you got answred

irs cross country running.

That wasn’t really my question……
If a random lad, 2 years older than your DD hit her, and she beat him up, would you be proud?

What about her ? She defended herself.

It's disturbing that you feel any kind of satisfaction at seeing your daughter "defend herself" when the result is physical harm to your son. Sounds like she went beyond self-defence and flew into a rage. And I wouldn't count on this experience to teach your son not to test her. If anything, he may harbour resentment if you give her behaviour a pass. Both should face consequences.

And take the phones away permanently -- not really as a punishment just because they're not even teenagers ffs.... What on earth do they need phones for?

Of course it's not right. She should be dealt with as you would deal with him if he had beaten her up.

You would think the same were it the other way round? She hits him first and he retaliates, injuring her badly, would that also be 'tough shit', she won't hit him again?

Both as bad as each other. Both would be read the riot act. You can't punish one without the other though so don't cancel the bday.

Maybe DD would benefit from boxing or martial arts?

He could easily tell someone at school and it go to safeguarding.social services. You need to up your parenting massively. It’s appalling. Yet you are somehow proud? Your dc aren’t safe in their own home.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Agreed. This is all sorts of wrong, and totally alien to me. He got carried away and needs to learn how to lose graciously. She needs to learn where to stop, and how to be gracious winner.

As for the 9 year old having a phone 🤯

There is absolutely nothing good about this.

You should have recognised where this tension was heading before now and dealt with it.

They both need coming down on like a tonne of bricks; him for making it physical and her for taking it way beyond self defence. This is serious. If it happens again someone could end up seriously injured. They are both only going to get bigger and stronger, it has to stop now and they both need serious consequences to understand just how badly they've crossed a line today.

I don't think punishing either of them is particularly appropriate. They're both children and there's a big lesson in there for both of them. Your DS needs to learn to deal with his feelings of inadequacy and it's important to get a grip of his anger now. Your DS needs to learn proportionality but NOT that she should only defend herself if the person being physical towards her isn't a relative. Her brother is older than her and she absolutely should defend herself to the best of her ability. They both should be told no more physical play.

Its a shame Jeremy Kyle was took off air, he could have sorted this 😕

I just find this pretty horrific. I know siblings fight but still.
If DN hadn't come to get you what would have happened- would DD have continued to beat him? Would he have a broken bones as well as cuts and bruises?

You're worried that he'll be embarrassed when she tells other relatives? Because that's the dynamic in your extended family- that boys should be stronger than girls and it's embarrassing if they're not? So the answer is he gets better at fighting so he can't be beaten up by a girl? Because that's the lesson you seem to be teaching here.

It's a while since mine were in school but are you in any way worried that a teacher might think it's a bit odd that he's covered in cuts and bruises and won't tell anyone what happened? Maybe schools just treat that as normal now idk.

I think he has been punished enough, and I do understand you're happy she can defend herself. But both your children need to understand that hitting isn't on, and self-defence needs to be proportionate.

He.needs to learn not to hit his sister, or anyone. She needs to learn to control her reactions. On the news tonight a young soldier jailed for killing a man who annoyed him. One punch, head cracked on pavement one life lost one ruined.

Self control is something for both to learn and dont let her know you feel proud of her behaviour.

By the little 9 year old girl he attacked first.

Don’t cancel his birthday, that’s cruel. You don’t want to push him to feel even more resentment. Talk to him about feeling embarrassed, it’s normal, nothing to be ashamed of. Help him work out what he feels/needs/wants e.g. when his jealous/competitive feelings come up, he probably needs to take space. He wants to feel good about himself, so encourage him to celebrate his own talents and strengths without comparison to his sister. Teach him to take ownership for his mistakes, it’s not about shaming him but about learning. He’s a kid, his emotions can feel intense, but hitting his sister isn’t ok and he needs to learn from it. Tell him you’re counting on him to remember that hitting isn’t ok and if (when) he messes up again you’ll still be there for him, without shame but to help him learn better ways to notice his feelings and practice other ways to cope with them. Do the same for your daughter too, being proud of herself is amazing, being competitive can be healthy but teasing/laughing at people who aren’t as good as you isn’t ok. Battering him certainly isn’t. What did she need when he hit her, what can she do next time? Encourage her to come to you. Why do they feel they have something to prove against each other? Do you do the whole “why are you like this, your sibling isn’t doing this” type of comparison? If you do that you need to stop.