Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

I wouldn’t cancel his birthday - he’s already experienced the natural consequences of being covered in cuts and bruises.

However I wouldn’t let the house rule be it’s fine to pummel someone as long as they hit you first. What happens if he ends up a lot bigger than her at 15 then she hits him first - cool to knock her out?

So much for trying to encourage and cultivate a positive relationship between your children. They will resent and dislike each as they grow up, and you seem secretly gleeful about this abusive and dysfunctional dynamic. Go mom 🙄🙄🙄

No, what he needs to learn is that violence is rarely appropriate. You cannot set a precedent that a disproportionate violent response is acceptable.

If in a few years his sister slaps him and he responds by beating the shit out of her, would that be acceptable?

Don't be impressed by either of them. Neither comes out of this looking good. If they can learn to sort out their conflicts respectfully, and recognise each other's strengths in different areas without jealousy, then you can be impressed.

DS will be stronger soon enough and it could get dangerous.

Yeah this is a real opportunity to have a necessary discussion with your son.

is it about losing? Or about losing to a girl? A younger girl? Did this make him feel humiliated?

id nip that shit right in the bud before this seed grows and then he finds certain content online as he grows up.

obviously what your daughter did wasn’t okay either but I’d be more worried for my son here

She shouldn’t be punished for defending herself.

DS needs to learn about fuck about and find out.

That's a lot of anger/violence for two young kids!

100%

The fact that they’re both violent means you have not instilled good behaviour in them. I have two very masculine older teenage boys. They have never physically fought.

Absolutely applang behaviour from both and terrible that you haven’t read them both the riot act and you’re posting on here. Shoddy parenting. Ground them both.

Both of their attitudes was terrible and I would be extremely disappointed if my children behaved that way.

Your son is misogynistic and should focus on his own achievements instead of his sister's.
Your daughter should defend herself but beating another child up is unacceptable.

I can't help but think that the adults here haven't done enough to prevent things escalating to this point.

It’s neglectful parenting that allowed for play fighting to happen in the first place.

Exactly. Some lamentable parenting standards on here.

your 9 year old daughter beat up your 12 year old son so badly you had to carry him inside, you say!?

Won’t get that from me. It’s neglectful parenting that allowed for play fighting to happen in the first place. The DD, DN and DS do not deserve to be trained to fight each other like a pack of dogs. It’s so obvious that they would all get hurt at some point. In just this one game on one evening two of them got hurt, the DS very badly. I hope it is a light bulb moment for the OP that all physical play fighting needs to stop now.

She and the neice were bullying him, are you reading the thread?

Right. Wtaf am I reading.

Give it a year or two and she'll get battered by him.

This.

Will you be grounding her for stating it when that happens?

Oh, okay, she fought back against her bullying brother, so you've got her turning into Aileen Wuornos? Deary me....

You need to teach your daughter that the goal of self defence is to create an opportunity to flee. She should have used enough force to get away and then let you handle it. Agree with other people no more playfighting.

ForAmpleRobin
I get you, he's got a problem with his sister being better than him whilst he grudgingly harbours a vindictive streak feeling that she shouldn't
What got me was him hitting her thinking this would "subdue her" but she fought back
And as he will see it 'won'
You've got to tell him he was wrong to start with because resentfully lashing out at the opposite sex when you're angry shows you're wrong as its unacceptable to beat/hit any woman you feel you've got "issues" with and
You've also got to tell her that although she defended herself, she went too far
But I don't totally feel she was in the wrong here; in defending herself if I'm honest because how do you know whats totally happened before?
Im not sure what you'd do for punishment though because I don't think this is just a "good telling off needed" scenario
But the boy has to be dealt with now because he's probably growing/getting taller but not thinking as we write

They were both bad as each other. No one is coming out great in this including you OP. Both need to have consequences and you need to have a long hard think if there is anything in your parenting that allows this sort of situation to occur in the first place.

and a fight can result in serious injuries or a fatality

So now its clarified that he was being bullied and physically pushed around by her and the neice, I'll wait for al the 'she deserved it' for him hitting her

Fucking horrendous dynamics in this family 🫤

Absolutely nothing to be proud of in carrying one of your children into the house covered in cuts and bruises after being beaten up by their sibling.

You need to stop projecting these ridiculous feelings and sort out why both of them think that resorting to their fists is the answer to anything.

Your poor DS! Frankly, I kind of feel like you’ve failed in parenting here. You know he’s conscious of his lack of strength and speed, probably amplified at secondary school, and are allowing him to “play fight” with his sister and cousin when you’ve already acknowledged their physical differences. You shouldn’t be proud of your DD at all! Honestly, shame on you. You allowed the girls to taunt and tease him and when he reacted, your DD hurt him to the extent he couldn’t walk and was bruised and bleeding. I’d fucking hit the roof with your DD’s behaviour.