Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

OP I recommend family therapy and perhaps a parenting class.

There is nothing in your post to warrant pride. You're raising thugs. We have children with different strengths and weaknesses too, and we make sure to encourage activities which have them all feeling good about themselves.

Your son is not there to be a punch bag or a stooge for future men your daughter might meet. He's her family. That you would carry your own battered child into the house and be in any way proud of the perpetrator is so deeply concerning to me that I feel like we're a different species.

Are you 100% sure DD wasn't gloating or rubbing it in, or belittling her brother before he snapped? What does "trying to subdue her" look like? Are you entirely taking DDs side of the story? Why didn't DN intervene sooner? It all sounds wrong, all kinds of wrong.

Your son reacted entirely predictably. Not because he is a boy necessarily, but because being repeatedly humiliated as an older sibling feels like shit. Most kids would have lashed out eventually.

Your son is covered in cuts and bruises because your daughter beat him up and you want to cancel his birthday ??

No , he shouldn’t have hit her. But she also shouldn’t have beat him up - she didn’t just defend herself , she went annoy further than that and you seem to be only focused on the fact he hit her?! They’re children !

Imagine this was the other way around and a girl had hit her brother and he had beat her up ?!

gobsmacked.

I mean fair play to her for defending her self, however I think you need to address DS behaviour because the fact he got violent because he wasn’t winning is a huge red flag. by all means be competitive, but don’t be a sore loser.

When I was younger I beat my brother at a PlayStation game and he lost his shit and got a knife from the drawer. I locked myself in the toilet and our lodgers at the time who were babysitting us called my parents. I still don’t know what happened (I can imagine) but he never raised a hand to any woman, or got pissed off from losing ever since. We are 37 and 34 and of course he is still competitive but it is way more friendly. I’m not competitive, I usually play for fun, I mostly win but it pisses competitive people off more because I don’t care about the winning.

Same

mine would wind each other up when they were young but physical violence nope. I know other people with boys who are violent towards each other and I find it pretty shocking

Jesus your kids are feral

You’re not horrified enough by this. This is awful and I would be absolutely disgusted by my dc behaving like this.

FFS, fighting to the extreme and mobile phones? At their age. Teenage years are going to be fun in your house OP! Good luck.

Yes , it sounds like it. A continuation of the wrestling to the ground game , preceded by a bit of taunting and teasing maybe ? She knows she has the measure of him , so it's a win win. For now. OP must strive to be even handed in her response.

OP you need to work on your attitude towards your kids or you'll be posting on here in 10 years time, wondering why on earth your son has gone no contact.

This!! OP never mind being “proud” you should be bloody ashamed! You’re raising physically aggressive kids, God knows how they behave towards other kids. You and your dh need to ask yourselves some serious questions.

Love this..my 2 were fighting all the time boy now 13 girl 10 and its way different now, boy always looking out for his wee sister and making sure shes ok. Last year they were knocking hell out each other, she always won mind you. Let them fight it out i say, they will be pals by the morning.

Honestly, I am not sure how you should handle the situation overall but I do think this seems harsh to cancel his birthday outing.

Would you feel the same if DD was a boy? Same age and strength but a boy.

I’d be furious if my younger DC did that to older DC. I’d be furious at them both. I would not be proud of my younger one. I’d rather they walked away and come and found me or moved on to doing something else with DN.

No I wouldn’t cancel the birthday treat.

They were both in the wrong. He shouldn’t have hit her obviously but she did way more than defending herself. Was she showing off infront of her cousin?

I know a fun play fighting game called who can get who on the ground first. I push, shove, wrestle you to the ground, sit on you, pin you down. It’s so fun for me because you lose every time, ha ha you suck because you’re being beaten by younger kids.

I do this over and over, me and my cousin. We take turns pushing you to the ground, maybe even rubbing your face in the dirt or twisting an arm. Not a parent in sight.

Then one time you hit me while trying to stop me pushing you to ground for the nth time so I go no holds barred and beat all the colours of shit out of you. I beat you until you can’t walk and are one giant bruise with cuts and scrapes.

Then I tell mum it was self defence and you’re the one who fucked around and found out?

It doesn’t matter whether you are the DD, the DS or the DN. This was play fighting that got ugly which always happens and is why it should never ever be allowed much less encouraged.

He needs to learn to choose his battles more wisely.

You need to build his confidence and self esteem in other areas so he doesn’t feel invalidated by his younger sister. This is on you for not understanding that he needs to feel pride in himself for something.

Your DD used strength as an advantage today because she was stronger but there’s always someone stronger than the next person.

They both need to understand brute force is not the answer. As adults if this happened she’d be done for assault and he’d be involved too.

You also need to stop your DN spreading it to the rest of the family or your complicit in your DS’s humiliation.

Honestly you sound like you need parenting lessons.

Siblings need to understand they’re on the same side. The world is fucking tough out there. No Kees to fight at home.

Don’t cancel your DS’s birthday. That’s ridiculous. Sit them down and talk to them like adults. Tell them to grow the fuck up and if you ever see that sort of thing again, they’ll be serious consequences for both of them.

And you were considering canceling his birthday after he was beaten up? Thats shit, and cruel. Seems like you have favourites and don't like your son.

I know we are not supposed to judge but your parenting skills seem emotionally abusive & I genuinely feel bad for any child under your care.

So violence is ok as long as a woman is doing it? And people cant see anything wrong with this

There is defending oneself and there is an inability to show self control. If she doesnt learn that lesson, she will end up in more trouble when shes older.

She used this as another opportunity to show him shes faster and stronger the same as with the other games

I wouldn't be proud of either of my kids for that.
I see a very fractured family in your future.

Or she could beat the shit out of him if he touches her.

You guys act like there is no such thing as self-defence for women.

Women should know their place, eh? She should have just let him slap her around age 9?

They both need punishing, however it would be unfair to punish your son by removing his birthday treat when you can’t do the same for your daughter

they both need sitting down and telling off, it’s not acceptable to fight, but your daughter took it to far as well in retaliation. Yours sons going to be embarrassed by his cousin spilling it all to family

you need to worm with your son on how he handles his sister being better at something than him, and perhaps encourage him in doing something he is good at and she isn’t.

your daughter needs to learn that she can fight back if attacked, but in this case she took it to far

they both need to be to and helped on working on their relationship and learning to accepts each others strengths and notget wound up about it

Jfc.

Are you for real @ForAmpleRobin? Some of these responses are incredible.

Its absolutely nothing to be proud of that your daughter ‘properly beat up’ your son causing cuts and bruises.

That goes over and above defending herself…

Why do either of them think hitting is the way to go? Honestly they would both be grounded
for a few days. And stern words about violence not being the solution.

Their competitiveness and violent inclinations are something you need to think about seriously - both need to be nipped in the bud.

As their adult they should be able to rely on your supervision and support to avoid such behaviour that leads to an intentionally injured child...

It’s not relevant to his birthday treat and to withdraw that is cruel imo.

unfortunately most won't get passed the title