Conflicted after DS hit DD and she fought back and beat him up?

Don't think Op thinks that much of her son to treat him that way when she's sickeningly cheering on the girl for beating him up

Your dd is allowed to defend herself, but it sounds like this went far beyond defending herself. I'd have consequences for both, and supervise better in future as they clearly aren't responsible enough to be unsupervised.

Why does a 9yo have a phone!?

I think both of them need to learn to keep their hands to themselves. Your DD hitting back is one thing, good on her for that, but beating up? That’s too far. But I don’t think your DS should lose his cinema trip. His humiliation is punishment already. Both of them need equal messaging that their behaviour is unacceptable.

This
What the hell.

Siblings fight. Parents teach them not to fight. They arent pleased the smaller one won or glad about it being spread around the family and the older one being humiliated.

You tell them both no fighting. Dd went beyond self defence if she properly beat him up. Phones gone for a night or 2 seems reasonable. Cancelling his birthday is very over the top and possibly cruel.

Dd could hurt a peer or dn if she things this behaviour is ok. Ds will be stronger than her at some stage. Fighting is never ok.

I didn't say he's entitled to lash out but it sounds like he was beaten black and blue and OP needs to ensure that both children are disciplined otherwise it will spiral.

This.

Why on earth do you think it is ok to say her son will punch her daughter at some point in the future? Are you a man? This is literally the root of this issue. That a male
thinks if he doesn’t get his own way he is entitled to lash out physically. Think about what you’re saying. If all women were able to physically defend themselves and all men knew there would be (embarrassing) consequences to their violence maybe we wouldn’t have so many women being abused by violent men.

Give both of them the same punishment then make them write an apology and move on.

she might have gone a bit overboard

Posters not understanding what defensive means. It has to be PROPORTIONATE. Which this clearly wasn’t.

In a few years your son will give your daughter a proper punch.

He was covered in cuts, your daughter went far over the line and he will remember when he's stronger.

Thats to harsh. Your son learnt a valuable lesson. A quiet word to your daughter about going to far, should be enough.

OP i wouldn't want either of your kids around mine and they too are 9 and 11. (Girl being oldest). My two bicker like mad sometimes and the worst they have done physically is to playfully trip the other one up which I think is bad enough! But thats all they have done! Yet your two are taking lumps out of each other? They'll grow to be bullies n.OP if they think the best way to handle a situation is to get physical. Please ground them both for a while, remove all technologies and work on the violence!

Yes. If a son of my attacked another boy and that other boy ‘won’ the fight - I certainly wouldn’t be seeing my son as the innocent party.
Obviously, I’m not including the use of a gun, knives or nunchucks. But if someone wants a fight then they can expect to walk away with a cut or a bloody bruise. Christ Alive. Actions. Have. Consequences.

As someone whose kids are now adults anyone saying this is ok is completely mad. OP I’m appalled. What on earth is wrong with your children? Why are you allowing this to happen?

My god this is bizarre.

Being in an abusive relationship is different.

Here we are talking about a child hitting another child who retaliates excessively and causes bruises and cuts. That's a sustained attack. I would be concerned if any child showed that much aggression. That is not normal behaviour.

He was defending himself against her. So she should be punished. She picked on him and wrestled him to the ground over and over and then he hit back in defense, then she beat him up.

She sounds highly aggressive to me.

Its fairly clear from the OP that the DS will suffer abuse about this from the DN, the rest of the family and most likely her DD.
I wonder just how much he will have to suffer for fis parents (and others on here) to see that he is not the entire problem.

I wouldn’t punish either of them. The poor kids have been raised thus far with complete disfunction. With a mother than takes pride in violent retaliation. How on earth are they going to grow into adults capable of appropriate reactions with this sort of parental attitude?

I’d suggest the whole family goes to therapy before it’s too late.

OMG this. He needs to learn very quickly that he is not entitled to win anything. She was better than him and beat him fair and square and he resorted to violence. This is BAD.
She defended herself and good for her but as pp have said, he will soon be bigger and stronger than her, and he needs to know that he can’t keep lashing out physically when he doesn’t get his own way. If every boy learned this early on, we might not have an epidemic of violence against women.

Agree that the physical fighting needs to stop. It's very likely your son will grow to be much bigger and stronger than your daughter and be more than capable of seriously hurting her.

I find the whole concept that people defending themselves need to temper their response offensive. I come to this conclusion as a victim of abuse and having watched someone be the victim of horrific abuse for many years. If a person manages to defend themselves, they should not be judged for how they do so.

i would not punish your daughter. I would punish your son. Linking it to a birthday is not related so is inappropriate. Just suspend privileges immediately now.

I would also end the play-fighting permanently.

I would hate to grow up in a family where this scenario is even vaguely normalised.

You need to supervise your children better and they both need to stop being violent under the guise of 'play fighting'. FFS, hope you use this thread as a wake up call.

What the hell did I just read?

A sibling beat up the other, so badly that they couldn’t walk? And the OP is proud!!!

Get a grip OP

That isn’t defensive. It isn’t proportionate. You should be alarmed that her anger took her beyond protecting herself and her cousin and that she went on the attack and had no control over herself. Image your niece wasn’t there to alert you and what she could have done.

Both need punished. Your son needs to learn that he can’t hit out when things aren’t going his way. Your daughter needs to understand that she could have caused a serious injury and she needs to contain her anger. What if she does that to her cousin or her BF. Will you be less proud then?