AIBU to want to tell colleague’s wife about his workplace affair?

I can't imagine the pain of thinking you have a good relationship with no idea that your DH was behaving like this and turning your marriage into an office joke. I'd definitely want to know so I could murder the motherfucker

Tell her , anonymously .

As someone who has been the wife, then yes I would tell her. But make sure it can’t be traced to you.

I mean, would I do it? Probably not. Would I want to? Definitely.

Just do it anonymously.

Stay out of it. No good will come of interfering.

if you can do it anonymously do it. There’s nothing worse for his poor wife than to have a load of people she doesn’t even know feeling sorry for her because they know what he’s up to. I speak from experience

I had lots of hints but ignored them. It was true and found out months later. Devastated me.

You don't sound like a busy body, it's horrible, but I would keep out of it, unless you can let her know without anyone ever knowing it was you. You say someone said he's done it before and his wife was with him then so assuming she found out, she forgave him. However, even if she didn't know, people often blame the messenger in their distress and thinking of you I can see this going horribly wrong. As other people have mentioned do you have an HR department you can go to? Maybe some of you could go to HR together about the workplace behaviour? Horrible man, good luck with it.

I worked with someone like him once. Everyone at work knew. His DP was told anonymously. He vehemently denied it, even cried, his DP believed him, married him & he carried on with the affair. You could come off the worst if you tell the boss because I'd bet the cheater would deny it, even laugh about it and then make life difficult for you at work

Sometimes winning the battle loses you the war. If you work in a small industry and take your employer to tribunal, you might win a few grand in compensation, then never get hired again by anyone else because the tribunal gets you a reputation for being difficult. There's also the question of proof - If a couple just straight-up deny an affair and say others made it all up because of malicious workplace jealousy, it's very difficult to prove.

Buy them tickets for a Coldplay concert, they can drop themselves in it 🤣🤣

Is it your business? No.
stay out of other peoples drama. You do not know their life.

it’s possible his wife already knows - I would stay well out of it. No good deed and all that…….

I would say telling your manager is only going to do anything if there is actually something inappropriate going on, ie a company policy of no workplace relationships. What if he weren't married, both of them single and carrying on exactly the same, would it change how you view their relationship? It's irrelevant to work whether he's married and having an affair, they won't give a shit.

And whatever you do don't take photos or videos of them in work to send to his wife, this is very illegal to do without consent in the workplace. If you happen to see them out then maybe, but FGS not in work

It is sad. But I can’t see how telling her will achieve anything except make her unhappy. How do you think it will make her life better?

I'd report it to the HR, it's highly inappropriate

Me to photo and send and keep mum

Yes!
Create a fake Facebook page and send her a message with all the details. Tell her youve created the Facebook page to remain anonymous.
That way it can't come back to you!
Woman should look out for woman...these men get away with far too much. Poor wife and kids

This. All of you suggesting that a husband who is having sex with other women whilst also having sex with his wife isn’t being abusive, if said wife is believing she is in a monogamous relationship, are deluded. Wait until it happens to you and get back to us.

He can’t be a nice guy and be cheating on his wife and children. Cognitive dissonance there.

If you are somehow under the impression that I was offering you friendship, rest assured that you are mistaken.

This woman isn’t OP’s friend. Shes the wife of a work colleague. OP’s would be very wise to concern herself only with the work she’s employed to do.

It's none of your business. The only scenario in which I'd tell the wife would be if she were a friend of mine.

You don't know her or how she will receive this news, that's if it is even news to her.

Gaslighting is a specific act, and it may exist alongside cheating, but it's not having illicit sex and it's not even just lying. Everything that is wrong or dishonest is not necessarily an act of abuse, nor gaslighting. I've been accused of gaslighting on here for disagreeing with people. I think they really believed it.

Honestly this kind of stuff makes me switch off. Bad behaviour doesn't have to be every specific kind of bad behaviour you can name. It doesn't have to be the very worst thing you can link it to. It doesn't have to be a violation of an innate human right. It doesn't have to be the world's business to police. It doesn't have to be anyone else's business.

There is a vast difference between telling a friend that you know their partner is having an affair, and sending anonymous notes to people you’ve never met and know nothing about, just so you can act all self righteous with no care as to how the person is affected by it.

Let’s not pretend that anyone who sends anonymous letters is anything but an abhorrent individual.

People talk about abuse? Well, sending anonymous letters is abusive, gaslighting behaviour, designed to make someone doubt themselves, their friends, their family, basically to ensure that they will spend the rest of their lives wondering who betrayed them.

So if you’re that kind of person, wwell done.

More posters disagree with your opinion. So on the balance of probability, more wives would prefer to be told about a cheating husband than not. Based on how posters who don’t agree are jumped on, I think it’s far more likely that most people don’t agree with your opinion.