AIBU to want to tell colleague’s wife about his workplace affair?

And then OP could end up unemployed?

This. I wouldn’t raise it to his wife but to HR. It’s inappropriate conduct and if it’s well managed he’ll be in a process. If he continues his behaviour he will likely get in to a disciplinary and that’ll probably somehow get back to his wife. Play him at the professional game.

Bear in mind if you let her know anonymously she has choices and can start planning.

she may already know , she may be worrying somethings changed and so on or she may have no idea.

when I was a teenager my father had an affair and had children. All of my work colleagues knew and no one told me a thing, they thought they were protecting me I expect. It’s been the worst part of the betrayal for me to deal with, it has been going on over 6 years before we knew so I feel like my entire childhood was a lie. I’m in my 50s I still don’t trust people.

I don’t agree with it either but I wouldn’t get involved

Take a discreet photo of them the next chance you get. Print it out.
Send it to his wife filling her in.
She deserves to know.
Don't say a word to anyone that your have done this.
Not a word.

If he’s done it before you may find she allows it. Anyway I’d still find a way of anonymously telling her!

You should tell her, my ex did this, everyone at work knew, I felt so humiliated.
He is now married to the woman he was having the affair with.
I really hope this is him and the poor wife isn’t some innocent women.

If you feel you have to, tell his wife. Or tell him and the gf you are going to tell his wife, anonymously. And are you sure, it can be a huge can of worms if you are wrong.

Well if this ''sisterhood'' nonsense was real the only people having affairs would be gay men

If you do decide to tell her, don’t tell her anonymously. She will either be freaked out or she won’t believe it. Have the guts to own what you want to do.

Anonymously tell the wife.

do you have an address? If so post her a letter.

the worst bit is that no one’s ever told her before, poor lady.

It’s gross but if it blows up from you telling her, that’s not going to help you work wise.

The PDA sound grim - perhaps mention to HR if it makes you uncomfortable.

The PP who suggested mentioning his family in front of the other woman - that’s ridiculous. She clearly knows he’s married so why would she feel the shame?

You should absolutely 100% tell her, even if anonymously.
If I were the wife I would want to know.
If he us being this blatant at work then he may also be messaging a lot whilst at home, being secretive with his phone/ ‘working late’ and she possibly already has an inkling that something is going on, you only have to look at some of the threads on here to see how much that destroys a person.
She deserves to know, she’ll be at risk of stds too.

^This. Jesus.
Where the hell is your HR dept?

I think that it’s never a good position to tell someone their OH is having an affair. It almost always backfires and they almost always stay.

But I’ve been on this position OP when I worked in a school where affairs aren’t absolutely rife. I complained to the Head who told me there was nothing he could do as affairs aren’t illegal or a safeguarding issue! But the staff room flirting and cuddling was horrific and I hated it, I just didn’t go in anymore.

My husband has just left me for a woman he met at work. I caught him messaging her on New Year's Eve.
I would want to know. Especially as it's obvious he's seeing her and work colleagues know. I mean it's up to you, it will come out eventually. These things always do.

Yeah don't do this. People who respect women don't act like this and keep quiet.

As someone who was victim of this behaviour - please please tell her. Do it anonymously. Then it doesn't matter if she already knew or had an open relationship.

so many women like to be quiet about this kind of thing. They will tell you to 'be the bigger person' and not tell anyone.

no ones 'bigness' is abided by quietly observing dishonest and damaging behaviour.

genuinely, please tell her.

or DM me who it is and I'll do it

Yeah, that’s how they get away with it. What happened to doing the right thing? Sisterhood?

@Berrylipshade do it anonymously, but please do it. His poor wife, she deserves better than this

Ew, I don't even want to see married couples all over each other at work, let alone an affair 🤮
But if he's that beaxen about it he can't be worried about word getting round.

Normally I’m one who would say ‘mind your own business’ but there is something just so grim about what you describe that I think I would be tempted to consider anonymously letting her know. I can see why it makes you so disgusted and uncomfortable.

If I was the wife I would want to know.