My friend always wants to see me with her kids but WITHOUT mine

Being interested is one thing, being an extra parent is quite another. Who wants guarded, interrupted conversations all the time, especially on a child free day.
Your friend is friends with you, not your children, although they will likely be polite and tolerant.

I would not spend time with someone who didn’t show interest in my children.

She's being really selfish.

She has a hands on husband/partner where as you are a single parent, which makes it even worse imo. I am in a similar position to you and know how much those childfree days are needed to recharge.

You do need to tell her that you want to keep your childfree days just that - child free. Her response and future meet up suggestions will be interesting.

Bluntly: you’re not her friend, you’re her unpaid au pair.

It is not a reciprocal friendship and you owe her nothing. Friends value you for yourself, not for what you can do for them.

Sack that right off. She’s got you right where she wants you as a second pair of hands but has the CFery not to return the support

Tell her how you feel.

Yes, you need to communicate your wishes or preferences, OP. 'No, I don't want to do that. I'd prefer to do this, on date X -- does that work for you?'

You are the unreasonable person in this situation as you know you are being used and still seem to be continuing the pattern.

You’re a single mum OP - you are allowed a child free day off every once in a while and that shouldn’t be filled spending time with someone else’s kids.

Be kind to yourself and take a step back.

You need to be honest with your friend, she might not even realise how she’s making you feel.

if you are close enough, which sounds like you are, I would explain that on your child three days you really just want to relax and potter about. You then tell her that you would love an adult evening together and for her to let you know the next available date. Then you wait.

This.

This is really clear, to the point, and leaves no ambiguity.

I'm slightly disagreeing with the consensus about why she'd doing it.

I agree you need to tell her you like your childfree days childfree.

But is it possible she actually doesn't feel very confident with your children/assumes you are very capable and wouldn't welcome help? People do do this. I would want to say something like 'I love the bond I have with your children and I'd love it if mine could develop that with you - can we do something together more often?'

That way you will know for certain whether she does just want help with her children, or whether it's something else.

She is using you as a free co-babysitter. Her kids get lots of loving time with you but your kids never benefit.

I would tell her that you need some kid-free time and you’ll see her on a day when you and she can get all the kids together.

How many children do you both have and how old are they?

Does she ever go out or is that the reason why she invites you to hers - so she doesn't have to go out?

Give her the same excuse she gives you, that you can’t manage, too busy, maybe we can meet next weekend?

Is she really even your friend?
Conveniently only offer weekends when you have your kids and she knows it.

If on these terms you never see her again, you’ll have your answer.

Hi, sorry but I can’t do then. I’m really prioritising a couple of projects and my exercise /hobby etc on my childfree day this year as I was getting very burnt out. But if you want a childfree catch up always happy to meet for dinner! You’re welcome to come over or always up for something that would work for the kids :)

And leave it. if she won’t let her dh put her kids to bed even once a month that’s on her, and you’re not her childcare solution.

"Hi friend, hope you and the kids are well. Thanks for your invite, it'd be lovely to see you for an adult catch up over lunch date out on the x y date if you are up for it? Otherwise I can do a meet on Z date just with my lot too, perhaps picnic in the park? Let me know what works. Speak soon x"

If she pushes just say you're spending your child free evenings in a new hobby or you've joined the gym so can't come over but you can do all these other dates and times

"If you bring your children I bring mine".
Lets have a family day out with the children or a lunch together without children.
I wouldn't discuss it tbh.

Definitely stop agreeing to meet up on your 'free days'. If she refuses to meet at other times, that's the end of seeing one another regularly. You can still communicate over the phone, or you can let it fizzle out.

If you want a more definitive answer, tell her clearly that you need those days to yourself but are happy to meet up with all the kids in attendance, then see how she reacts. Unfortunately, it does seem that she's manipulating the situation to get as much free help with her own children as possible.

I wouldn’t refer to it as your “child free time”

I’d refer to is as your “recovery” time

Yeah you need to lay it out directly and see how she responds. If she's open to your suggestions, great - she may have just been oblivious (being charitable!). If she isn't, you'll know she had ulterior motives and can distance yourself accordingly.

Take the lead a bit, say you’re enjoying a child free weekend but suggest meeting somewhere midway next weekend. Soft play or whatever.

repeat this each time she asks you to see her when child free.

Take the lead a bit, say you’re enjoying a child free weekend but suggest meeting somewhere midway next weekend. Soft play or whatever.

repeat this each time she asks you to see her when child free.

I think you need to be really blunt! “I’m happy to meet just the two of us or with all the kids, mind and yours. I use my childfree days to have a break from children!”

Just say that you're really keen to get the kids together but that your child free time needs to be protected. Make it clear that if that doesn't work, you're available in the evening when your children are away.