My friend always wants to see me with her kids but WITHOUT mine

Meet UPS should be all kids there or no kids there. Declined anything else.

Lots to consider ime.
Does she like your dc? Some dm's I know stick to dm's with dc of the same gender to hang out with. Odd imo.
Is she worried your dc could lead hers astray in as much as swearing/talking about phones /gaming?
Is she worried about talking in front of your dc incase it gets repeated? Does her dh not approve of his dd's being with boys? My best mate of long ago would never mix our dc together.. In 8 years once they started school anyway. Her ds was frankly a horror. We hung out daily for years in the baby /toddler stage. Come July she'd say see you in September.. I felt very used and ghosted her. We'd spent so much time together it was a shame. Either she didn't like my dc (2 girls and 2 boys) or something else I didn't figure out.

Well done for not going along with her, though.

I think she must realise on some level, which is why she went quiet.

OP if your time with her isn’t at least an 8 out of 10 or above every time, then don’t waste your time, life is precious and not for wasting on people who don’t deserve you. Bin her!

It should really be the other way round, she should be coming to you and helping you,.you're the single parent!

You really need to back slowly away from this friendship. It’s not beneficial to you in any way

Hi op unfortunately people are just very selfish and shallow she just wanted someone to talk at I would be letting it fade out I cannot stand people like this is draining and one sided this is not how friendships work.

So did you speak to her about it yesterday?

Now that you’ve noticed that ‘somehow I always end up going to hers or meeting her with her DC’, you can head that off at the pass. When the vague plans to meet childfree turn into ‘come over to mine when DC are here’ - that’s a no, thanks. You don’t need to end up doing anything you don’t want to.
Either she recognises the shift and starts clearing child free time for you, or she doesn’t want to and the meet-ups fade. Only time will tell.

Hi op your giving all the time she’s taking you should say you have other places to be when kids are not with you as it’s your time but happy to do an evening without all the kids if she says she’s not up for it just say ok then next time she offers say no thanks then when you have your kids suggest meeting up. She can’t have her cake and eat it all by herself it’s compromise in a friendships.

Im also a single parent and generally keep my child free weekends to do childfree stuff! Most people have no issue with that and fully understand it. You need to be more assertive and explain you dont get a lot of adult contact so would like to focus on getting that when you can

I think it's absolutely fine to say that when your kids are at their dad's, you need to make the most of being child free and ha e some adult only time to recharge your batteries so that you can reset and be more available for your own kids. It sounds very much like there is no compromise, is everything else in your friendship all on her terms?

Clear boundaries, be less available and don’t make plans with her on your child free day.

Not defending her, I'd feel the same as you, but just thinking of potential reasons - as your children are older, is it possible that she thinks that it changes the dynamic of your catch ups? I only have young kids so when I see my friends and their kids of similar age, they normally play together and we can still have "adult" conversations most of the time. When I occasionally meet up with people with older kids, I think I'm maybe more... self conscious, if it makes sense? About how to get them involved in the conversation, etc. Unless they just do their own thing too, like watch their tablet, but then it's a bit unfair on the kids too.

I'd become a lot less friendly with her. Basically, I would say I'm a single parent X and rarely don't have the kids so when I don't, I'm keeping this time for things I can't do or are less easy to do when I do have them .

Are you actually saying that her family agreeing to babysit so they could take their kid to A&E, means they should also be available to babysit so she can go on a night out?

And judging them because they both wanted to go to A&E with their child?

Ok...

remember this. Your friend should be offering to child sit for you sometimes, as I would do , so you get some me time.

I was a lone parent so to get an afternoon to myself was a real rarity. Maybe once every few months if my DC had gone to a grandparent, 60miles away.

I had one very close friend who would rely on me to have her child when her exh didn’t turn up on his weekends. She’d drive her child to me or I’d have to go to her house very early Saturday. This became every one of his weekends.

the worst bit being IF my DC was at grandparents I’d have driven them there Friday evening to get Saturday to myself and collect them first thing Sunday. This was hardly ever and I’d get a knock at my door sat 7am and friend would be there leaving her toddler with me knowing full well it was my one day to myself. Once she just say here you go and just walked off like I was her childminder.

So it got to the stage every other weekend I’d be covering her child until at least lunch when her exh may or may not turn up to get his child. and the other weekend when she had her child she’d want to go for days out to kids places with me, I’d be expected to drive all of us provide picnic pay and so on.

this went on for well over three years.

I now see that I was being completely used. My friend had parents and siblings all in the same town to help her, I didn’t. I get sad about it all these years later as yes there are nice memories but they are tainted. She was a close friend from school I thought of as my sister.

The bit that taints it most for me is she’d drop DC off on my doorstep early Saturday, then not even check if her exh had even collected DC and then finish work 1 and have the rest of the weekend to herself. Knowing I never got a weekend to myself. One time her exh never collected the DC at all and I let her know ,she told me she was busy with friends and as I had DC’s overnight bag I had to have her DC overnight. Makes me feel tearful thinking about it now.

At first glance I would assume that:

• she invites you on your "child free" day because she knows you're more likely to be available as a single parent
• she doesn't get child free days so her kids are there by default. If she still needs to put a 7 yo to bed then I would also think she has attachment issues
• and it's often the days her husband is away because that the days she is available

Unless there is more to the situation, I don't understand why anyone would read more into it. It's a bit selfish of her, but if you're such "close friends" then it shouldn't be too difficult to address. It also sounds like she does most of the scheduling, so if course she is going to pick the time that is most convenient to her.

If your first assumption is that she is "using you", then surely you're not that close friends.

She’s a using bastard and not a friend.

I’m afraid I’d no longer be mincing my words and saying in no uncertain terms I wasn’t willing to have a day off from my own kids only to have to spend it with her brats.