Proposed to him and he said no

I'd say 2 years is quite early, particularly if you have quite separate lives. I was with my partner 5 years, proposed to him (and he said no), he proposed the year after. We didnt get round to getting married so he proposed again 2 years later with a nicer ring! If you're on different timeliness though, you might no want to wait as long as he'd make you, even if he does come round to the idea.

Yep. Myself and another poster had recognised the OPs name from another thread a few weeks ago that specifically was about the 2 kids and a football game. I went back to take a look and double check the specifics.

It really does change the dynamic of the question.

Why didnt you respect him when he said he needed more time?

This changes everything. All of this needed to be on the OP.

You need to try out and see if blending works before you even think about marriage.

@Sophie198643 why bother posting threads and never returning?

I have looked and the OP has a 9 and 15 yo and the boyfriend an 8 yo.

So given there are distances involved and the boyfriend is keeping his house near his son, how is marriage going to work OP?

I think you need a plan for blending families and potentially for protecting assets before thinking about marriage. Your priority should be your kids so what if you marry while living apart but then blending doesn’t work ? I can see why your boyfriend is in no rush. You can’t know at the moment that this is for life.

I believe the respective children are 9 and 8 (ish)... but yes I agree, not living together or near eachother complicates things so 2yrs is quite quick when you would be considering blending families (who aren't yet blended much)

If that’s the case, then the OP seems to be rushing things imo. There is no way on earth I would consider marriage with a 3 yo and no plans to even live together presently on the cards. One step at a time.

He said he needed more time and you only left it four months

From the OPs previous threads, she is 31. They both have children from previous relationships. Do not live together as OPs partner has his son 3 days a week so lives close to his school / mother. He spends a few nights a week at the OPs house.

My now husband took 8 years to propose, we'd even lived together that whole time give or take 3 months, he had been married before though, and didn't want to be forced into it again. He had however given me a promise ring for the future, and once he did propose we were married within 3 months, so ask him if its actually on the cards or no chance, I know plenty of people who've been together more that 2 years and not engaged. Marriage isn't something to be rushed, some men hate being proposed to as well. Need to calm down and let it rest a while

My now husband took 8 years to propose, we'd even lived together that whole time give or take 3 months, he had been married before though, and didn't want to be forced into it again. He had however given me a promise ring for the future, and once he did propose we were married within 3 months, so ask him if its actually on the cards or no chance, I know plenty of people who've been together more that 2 years and not engaged. Marriage isn't something to be rushed, some men hate being proposed to as well. Need to calm down and let it rest a while

Where are you and what stage is your relationship? Your ages, whether you live together or have or plan to have children be this previously or together are all relevant. Do you have any assets together/shared finances?

it seems you have been really wanting this from being together a year, if not longer. He does not feel the same but that doesn’t mean he never will. Whether you are prepared to wait is up to you but I don’t think 2 years is all that long.

If you are in your 20s the advice may be different to what it would be if you are in your 30s and your biological were ticking. It would also be different if you still have separate lives i.e. are just dating rather than partners or if either of you have children from previous, personal assets, etc.

We need more info.

OP, why did he split up with the ex he proposed to? Did he leave because he couldn’t face the commitment? Honestly, if it took him 7 years last time and they still didn’t get married I’d cut my losses

Do you live together? If you have been together for two years and lived together for a significant part of that, then, in my opinion he should know. The fact that it took him 7 years to propose to his ex is another red flag. If you weren't keen on marrying/settling down/having children, then if wouldn't be an issue but you do, so it appears you want different things. At least you know where you stand. It may hurt but if he is not sure (and there's no guarantee he ever will be) I'd move on.

There are some odd replies on here. If it was a man pressuring a woman to get married before she was ready I think there’d be a lot of different opinions. It sounds to me that the OP wants a marriage more than she wants a partnership. Marriage doesn’t guarantee a relationship, it can be very complicated and expensive to unpick if it doesn’t work out. I don’t blame the bloke for not being ready, two years is no time, if you’re planning to be together for a lifetime why does it matter?

500 posts and the OP is nowhere to be seen…

But for what it’s worth it sounds like you decided when you met him you were marrying this one and you’ve been deaf to his point of view. I disagree that this reflects on his feelings about you overall necessarily, I think you’ve badgered him. And what do you mean you proposed, doesn’t sound like you proposed in the way you would find acceptable. Sounds like you’ve got annoyed, given and ultimatum an got a no.

You've not been together quite two years yet. That's not a huge amount of time really. He told you only four months ago that he wasn't ready to commit. Well now you've had it confirmed. He's still not. He sounds like the sort of person who is naturally cautious and refuses to be railroaded. And he's not going to let you blackmail him with ultimatums either. He's called your bluff, so now you have to decide whether to continue with things as they are and just wait it out until he's ready, or to walk away and cut your losses.

If he can't even be kind to you when you propose... I'd have to walk away if I was you OP. He's shown you he's a lost cause.

Leave. If he’s not feeling it after 2 years, he never will. Cut your losses while you’re ahead, lick your wounds and move on with your life. Please believe me when I say this - I’ve been in a similar situation and I sacrificed my desires and I stayed. It’s just not worth it.

@Redpaisley Wow, such limited mindset you have - meet someone from school and spend 10 years and then commit.

Why is that a bad thing?

If you are a woman of 33 and single, problem is with you because it’s easy to find a boyfriend.

That statement is correct, so I'm not sure what your point is.

Painful but at least you know where you stand and are free to find someone who does want to marry you.

My mum gave me some advice when I was young: after 25 don’t stay with someone more than a year who wouldn’t marry you if it came to it.

You’ve given it 2 years you’re not on the same page so it’s time to move on.

Giving a man ultimatums is the quickest way to end it. Anyone, never mind just a man.

I was with someone 6 years before I finally dumped him. I’ll never get that time back.
you don’t say much about his response but my impression was that there wasn’t a whole lot of emotion or love in it. My advice I’m sorry to say, is to move on

Wow, such limited mindset you have - meet someone from school and spend 10 years and then commit. If you are a woman of 33 and single, problem is with you because it’s easy to find a boyfriend.