Proposed to him and he said no

Or maybe in a year he will propose.

always a good idea to talk

Did he explain why he wanted more time or what he means by "more time?" What exactly is he waiting for? Depending on the answers I wouldn't stick around. You deserve better and you'll regret it in the long run. Follow your instincts. I would suggest you probably know he's not ready and probably never will be otherwise you wouldn't be asking advice on this forum xx

.....or call it a day on the relationship.

Can you have conversation about what marriage really means to each of you? You might have different ideas about it.
Does he seem committed to want to stay with you long term? Can you see yourself being with him and not married long term?
You both need to understand better where each other is coming from and take it from there.

You asked the question.
He gave an answer.
So now it's up to you.
You stay together.
Or you split.

Neither of you are being unreasonable. you can talk yourself into staying with him and face possible further disappointment and wasted time. Or you could take him at face value and just cut your losses and move on. Either way I’m sorry, this must be very painful for you.

Why on earth did you propose after he told you he wasn’t ready ? Surely you should have waited until he confirmed he was ready?

this is ultimately your fault. You’re probably not right for each other (sorry) but this is largely because you’ve crossed the line.

OP has vanished. Just the original post and then gone. Why does that happen. Any thoughts?

You’ve just save yourself time, so no time waster. You should do the right thing for yourself. Listen to your instincts. Well done for taking the courage to propose. Who says is only the men can propose?

My ex wife proposed to me and I said no because it was too early in the relationship and I didn't think she was mature enough to make a commitment at the time. Two years later I proposed to her and she said yes. Our marriage lasted around 14 years and we're now divorced but still friends. I would call it quits if he said no rather than force the hand of chance.

Me and DH have been married 46 years and we got married 5 months after meeting. We did see each other every day after we met (did not live together) not like some couples today we only see each other once a week or less.

Of course it's not. It's not even too soon to get married. Why on earth do you need to be dating someone longer than 2 years before you even get engaged? It does not take that long to know if you want to spend the rest of your life together.

Tell that to my parents who were married (for 64 years) after 18 months.

Someone has slagged off America, so that's the bingo card full for this thread folks, move along.

Two years is far too soon to get engaged we're not in America

M

@Mosman2020 Do you think it’s more important to be a caring person than for them to have a job or more for you to find them physically attractive?

Having a job is very important. But the majority of people between 30 and 60 have jobs, so this shouldn't be much of an issue. There are also people who can't work because of illness, and that is not something that should be counted against them.

I would certainly think it is far more important for someone to be caring than to be physically attractive. What does it matter what a woman looks like if she's an unlikeable bully, uncaring, or an asshole? Why should I dislike a woman who is kind and caring just because of appearance?

Do you think it’s more important to be a caring person than for them to have a job or more for you to find them physically attractive?
I have enough friends and enough people who are caring in my life.

Not anyone, but quite clearly the vast majority of men and women on dating apps are likeable and/or dateable.

The issue is that too many women approach dating with a "checklist" in mind as if they are putting the men through a job interview. And then they find that only a very small percentage of men satisfy that checklist. That's absolutely the wrong way to look for a partner.

Try looking at someone's character instead- are they compassionate? Are they caring? Do they have a strong sense of right and wrong? Those are the most important qualities for any man or woman to have.

@MsDitsy There's a lot of posts and I'm having a sneaky look in my work break so can't read them all

I wouldn’t worry too much, OP started this thread over four days ago and hasn’t been back. A one-post-wonder.

There's a lot of posts and I'm having a sneaky look in my work break so can't read them all. How old are you both and is this important to you as you want to start a family? I can understand the rush to be in a confirmed, settled relationship if you want kids and time is running out but not if you are young and he isn't ready to commit.

Yes but lots of people do want to get married plus for many it gives far more security if something happens in the future. Just read some of the many threads on here where a couple are not married and the woman earns much less than the man or even does not work. Almost all of them do not end well.

But you might want to spend the rest of your life with someone without feeling the need to get married....hence no proposal required. It's different for everyone

I know what you mean but my sister had to give her now husband and ultimatum and say if he hadn’t proposed by x date then they would split up. Even then he did it on the last possible day before the deadline!
and they’ve been married for nearly 20 years, she has suffered lots of health problems and has been pretty financially dependent for years, as well as her appearance being affected, and he absolutely adores her still. It’s one of the best marriages you could imagine.

I still can’t get my head around what his deal was (they’d been together for ages) and why he prevaricated so much, and I’d have hated a proposal following an ultimatum, but it’s definitely worked out for them!

That also applies to many women. It's certainly not a 'man thing.' If anything, I'd say it's more prevalent in women.