Proposed to him and he said no

This happened to me. It's horrible. Run for the hills.

OP you asked what to do now… Well you asked , he answered, you have to respect his decision. You are entitled to have your timeline for wanting marriage and so is he.

As you can see, you both are not on the same page, and you need to accept that.

whether you decide to move on and meet someone new and stay true to your wish to create family soon or just to stay with him for a while… here is a good blog post that likely help you to understand why this has happened…

https://www.samiwunder.com/he-loves-you-but-still-wont-propose-heres-why/

I think you need to cut your losses, no matter how painful it will be. He doesn't want to marry you.

Believe me, I was in this situation - I wish I could tell my 30 year old self to run away fast from a man who won't commit. I wears you down and your self-esteem disappears. Be brave and dump him.

Big hug

This isn't a scientific research site and I don't have access to scientific journals or whatever. I'm stating what's on the first page of a Google search, based on studies I've read in the past.

I've mentioned a few things so here's the ONS summary of marriages and divorces:

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2022#:~:text=In%202022%2C%20the%20divorce%20rate%20for%20all,and%206.3%20years%20for%20female%20same%2Dsex%20couples.

Here is one source for the cohabitation/divorce correlation:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5956907/#:~:text=Those%20who%20cohabited%20before%20engagement,all%20until%20marriage%20(40.5%25).

I can't find the stats for length of courtship to likelihood of divorce, I know that I have read in the past that 3-5 years is optimal and 5+ years is more likely to end in divorce, and this is borne out by my own experience.

Exactly! This man is/was never going to marry the OP.

I am actually really surprised by the fact that so many people on the thread are implying that the OP "blindsided" him or that it was too soon for a proposal.

He has already wasted two years of her life!

It is mindblowing to me that so many women would let a man dictate their future and accept second best...

Any man who says that past hurts mean he holds back his love from you is cruel and avoidant - and pathetic.

Do not give him any more chances. He is leaving you hanging and constantly wondering about his love.

I am biased as my husband proposed very early on in our relationship. He always said when you know you know. Although we did have a long engagement as young. We both wanted kids and being married before children was a deal breaker for me.

Did he just say “no”. If so don’t waste any more time on him. If a “not right now, I want to propose when I’m ready” then it’s up to you. If he’s the only one for you then does being with him outweighs the not being married?

Could he be still in love with his last fiancé?.

If you were that smitten with him Op you’d want to be together regardless of being married or not. Do you think you’ll feel the same about someone else and then what happens if they don’t want to marry you?

@Greenwitchart my husband wasn't ready for marriage after 2 years. But then he was only 26. A few years later he was. Age is important here and life stage. It is not "daft" to take the concept of for better or for worse, till death do us part in earnest. What is daft is asking someone to marry you who's told you they aren't ready and attempting to brow beat them into it. This is about male control....it's about OP acting without listening to what she was told. She should leave though if marriage means more to her than being with the right person. I think the relationship is done for now anyway as she's tipped the power dynamics a bit and will always wonder now even if they marry later, if he was convinced more than willing.

@Sophie198643 I thought I recognised your name from a post about a football game recently... and I was correct. I did an AS and it appears that you are 31, have 2 kids and your partner also has a child but you and your partner live quite a distance away from eachother.

This further makes me think he'd be best to run for the hills. Between the physical distance, the 2 Yr relationship, and the fact yoh would be trying to blend families I just dont think marriage is the next step for you all.

Time to end the relationship. He’s using you until Mrs right comes along!

Sorry to hear this.
Wave him goodbye and find someone who loves you.

Good for you for having standards OP. Two years is plenty of time to know if you want to marry someone or not. Far too many women get strung along for years.

Honestly, good for you for taking your future in your own hands and proposing to him rather than sitting on your hands. I'm sick to death of women complaining that their partner they've been with for a decade still hasn't proposed and when will he propose and I need him to hurry up and propose, instead of taking matters into their own hands and just ASKING him themselves. Unlike them, you now know where you stand. 2 years isn't a long time, but for many people it's long enough, especially when they know they've found the one. Clearly it isn't for him. What you do with that information is up to you.

This is really tough but you must look at it as you’re better off knowing. I think this is the end of the relationship.

Sorry op i voted YABU

I agree with the others that have said it is still early on in the relationship to be cajoling him into marriage. From your timeline it sounded like you were pushing him from about 18 months into the relationship.

Jeez. If i was him I’d be running for the hills. The relationship is less than 2 years old. He has been open that he needs more time and you have ignored his feelings, railroaded him and more or less issued an ultimatum. That’s never going to end well, and hardly a basis for a happy secure marriage. The poor bloke is probably blinded by all the red flags.

Some incredibly daft comments on this thread...

OP don't waste any more time on this man and move on.

If your goal in life is to get married and start a family then this is not the man for you.

Two years is more than enough time for someone to decide if he is "ready".

Frankly I would not waste that much time on the next man/men you date and instead make sure you move on after a few months if the relationship is going nowhere.

Too many women still allow men to string them along while their needs are not met.

He is perfectly entitled not to want marriage but equality you also have the right to move on to find someone who does.

I've seen both of these scenarios in my family.

Yes, she hasn't answered that yet.

@Sophie198643 why did you propose when he said just 4 months ago he wasn't ready???

My ex took 5 years to decide I wasn't the one for him! There was me (and his family!!) thinking marriage and babies, we went to his cousins beautiful romantic wedding, then something clicked in his head and he decided i wasn't the one for him.

But 2 years is still rather early days.

So you may be feeling empty after the rejection but you were kinda dumb to ask when he made it clear he wasn't ready so you set yourself up for a fall.

You're the one posting it so it's on you to back it up, not on other posters to go scratching around.

Are we talking about a valid statistical study from a legitimate source, or a survey from a wedding website?

I am not sure if "more", but I have seen my fair share of couples who have been together for a very long time and get married and separate six months later. I was commenting this with a friend and we came to the conclusion that they didn´t have much to say to each other any more and getting married was supposed to spice the thing up. Remember the old trope of having a baby to "save the marriage"? Also a bad idea.

I don't disagree with that logic. You have a good point. Divorce is preferable to remaining in an unhappy marriage. However, surely not getting married in the first place is preferable to getting divorced.

Age is the most important contextual factor that is missing here. Without it, I don’t think anyone can really truly comment…