Proposed to him and he said no

He told you he’s not ready. You didn’t listen.
He’s also recovering from his last break-up / engagement.

He may have a plan op and you rushed ahead? But if he plans to wait without giving you a time scale that is not fair. I find marriage proposals quite outdated. Why should women wait around for men to decide? Dp telling you he isn’t ready was not enough of an answer and it may be that you want different things.

I think yabu to hint/ask multiple times in a fairly short timespan and I'm not sure why you thought his reponse would be more positive, and the way you talk about how quickly you were certain he was the one and never having felt like this about anyone, etc, makes me think you're mainly in love with love, rather than with him. But I also think anyone who "has their guard up" because of prior experiences has no business getting into a relationship. He needs to sort his baggage out before he messes with someone else's heart. I would take him at his word and cut your losses, OP. This guy will always come up short imo.

I voted yanbu because it's understandable you feel upset and embarrassed, and anyone posting to say they're "cringeing" is piling on and needs to take a hard look at themself btw.

Don't let him string you along, he clearly is good at the art of 'appearing what you want him to look like' including that of a loving man. I bet he is wishy washy on children too

They don't.

This. At least he’s not stringing you along like some guys do.

Haha, this is almost hilarious. I’m the one who is ridiculous for thinking any sane person would want to know someone for more than 18months before even contemplating making a lifetime commitment. Right. And folk wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce 🤦🏻‍♀️

He's given you his answer. Take him at his word.

We clearly have different opinions on this situation. Let’s leave it at that.

@aloris they each have a child already. He has one aged 8, she has one aged either 9 or 15.

Cut your losses now. Don't let those two years turn into ten years you wasted waiting for a man who was never going to want marriage.

We had nearly 21 years between starting our relationship and marrying, but DH proposed numerous times and I said no, because I adored him but didn't want to get married. In the end I agreed because it clearly mattered far more to him than to me, on the condition we just did it with two witnesses.

If he has a previous 7+ year relationship that means this isn’t an issue of being too young for marriage. If he isn’t sure after two years, it is time to move on. If this was the right relationship for both of you, you would both be ready and eager to commit.

2 years is long enough to know if you want to marry someone or not. Don’t be ridiculous.

Really? I only know a handful of couples who waited that long and most were divorced shortly after.

My best friend took 5 years to marry her late husband but that was only because the first two times they started the planning process she got pregnant. They finally tied the knot a few months after their second was born.

And my brother took a long time too but mostly because they met at the start of University and waited until they'd both settled in their careers.

At least you found out before you wasted more time on him. In my experience, if a man dates for a long time without bringing up marriage, it's because he's waiting for someone "better" to come along. If you want to have children, you now have the knowledge that you need to break up with him and find someone who wants to have children with you.

OP - I don't think you're unreasonable to think that between the conversation in August and the one in November, your DP definitely had enough time/space to think about what it might take for him to want to get married.

Therefore, I agree that another fobbing off in November would have been annoying. However, I think that was the opportunity to set your boundaries more clearly than you did do.

To just repeat that marriage was important to you, and with no commitment from him on what it would take for him to consider marriage you are now unreasonable to wade in with a proposal given nothing else has changed.

Though I do understand wanting to force the issue after 6 months and no actual progress.

Problem is, this might have been too nuclear an option to now row back from.

Well if he took 7 years to ask the last one, (to marry him) he's in no rush is he? You don't say your age. I am guessing early to mid 30s? So you don't want to wait another 5-6 years!

I think 2 years together is too little time to be thinking about marriage anyway, but it really sounds like he is not arsed. Also, some men get funny about women proposing, because they feel it emasculates them.

Sorry @Sophie198643 .

(Patiently awaits the flurry of posts from people saying they met their DH on Christmas Eve 30, 40, 50 years ago, and they were married on New Years Eve the same year!) 😆

Seriously though, I don't know anyone who talked about getting married that quickly this century! For the majority of couples it was at least 4-5 years before marriage was mentioned, and another 2-3 years before it happened.

It was much more common to marry quickly when I was younger - but even DH and I didn't get married for 4 years after we met.

I said I love you first and he is quite reserved about expressing his feelings as he said he’s been hurt in relationships before and so always has his guard up.

In my experience, if they're really into you, all of that "guard up", "been hurt before" "not ready" stuff goes right out the window. It's an excuse.

You have clarity now. He doesn't want to marry you. You now have to take that information and decide on next steps. Hang around for years, knowing you're not quite good enough for him. Or cut your losses.

I am really sorry but he doesn't want to marry you. I mean if he did he would have proposed to you. For whatever reason he doesn't see you as "the One". I think you've invested two years in this man and he shows no sign of wanting to marry you. Personally, I think a year is enough to devote to a man to see if he's a serious prospect. Many years ago I was head over heels about this man who seemed in no hurry to get married. My father sat me down and asked was this man showing any sign that he wanted to marry me. I had to say no. The implication from dad was pretty clear. I gathered my self-respect and left. A year later I was engaged to a wonderful man who was keen to marry me and we've been married over 30 years. If men want to marry you they don't generally muck around - no gameplaying or "we need to talk" conversations.

Don’t waste anymore of your time on him, it’s precious OP.

He’s waiting for ‘the one’ to come along.
it isn’t you OP

Did he clarify what more time meant?

I think while these reserved men can be shy about expressing their love etc it can also work the other way where they don’t express their doubts and reservations too.

I think if it took him 7 years for his last fiancée and you don’t want to risk waiting that long probably best to move on if he’s not clear with timeframes.

Being generous, it could be that the first relationship failed when marriage was in the pipeline and he’s scared. However, you don’t want to be waiting around for him to change his mind and the same could happen if you want kids and he can’t commit. So sorry, I think end it.