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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my daughter have a seat?

294 replies

NeedingAGoodNap · 09/03/2026 10:18

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

OP posts:
Nevertriedcaviar · 09/03/2026 11:39

As children, we always had to give up our seats for adults. It doesn't seem to be the case today, but then a lot of behaviour that was deemed polite in the past has been abandoned by entitled adults.

takealettermsjones · 09/03/2026 11:39

LadyWiddiothethird · 09/03/2026 11:30

Children should never have a seat on their own if there are adults standing.Absolutely ridiculous the way children are pandered to nowadays.

Yeah, much better that they drag themselves up by their own bootstraps and then end up on parenting forums decades later berating other mothers for not wanting their kids to be injured.

Vigorouslysnuggled · 09/03/2026 11:37

What the actual hell. Of course a 5 year old should have a seat! A male mid 20s does not need a seat more than a 5 year child how ridiculous! Laps are for babies and toddlers and a 5 year old is neither! Why do women have to suffer an uncomfortable journey with a heavy child on their lap to accommodate a man?!!

wheresthesnowgone · 09/03/2026 11:37

Put the child on your lap. Really selfish of you to let a small child have a seat when adults are standing.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/03/2026 11:35

LadyOfLymeHouse · 09/03/2026 11:09

My Mum used to make me stand to let adults sit when I was a child...

Yeah, my dad used to make me stand up for adults on the Tube when I was a kid.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 09/03/2026 11:33

Waitingforthesunnydays · 09/03/2026 10:37

I don’t remember ever being taught to give up my seat for an adult. Is this what some people were taught as kids? These days adults are more likely to give up their seat for a child

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I was taught always to stand if an adult needed a seatas a child.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/03/2026 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂

LadyWiddiothethird · 09/03/2026 11:30

Children should never have a seat on their own if there are adults standing.Absolutely ridiculous the way children are pandered to nowadays.

OneBreezyHelper · 09/03/2026 11:29

people are idiots. Children are just as entitled to a seat as they are, and they need the seat a lot more because it's harder to hold on and they do get pushed around if they stand.

The price argument is just stupid. Are you more entitled to a seat in a train because you paid full price while someone had a cheaper rate because they booked earlier or something? of course not.

A normally fit adult claiming they should have the seat are just lazy. If there's hidden disability or injury, they can ask anyone, no need to target a child who is going to be too shy to stand up for themselves.

Pessismistic · 09/03/2026 11:28

Op you did the right thing he was being a selfish man child why should you put a kid on your knees even if you could have she has a right to a seat like anyone else.

Kizmet1 · 09/03/2026 11:24

People like that bloke are such tools. It's like they don't see children as real people. Your DD is a person too and deserves to sit down as much as any one. If someone less able to stand needed the seat, I would stand myself to let them sit, but my little girl is very small to navigate sharp braking and turns on a speedy bus or tram, and she is also entitled to a safe and steady journey.

shhblackbag · 09/03/2026 11:20

Namechangeychange82 · 09/03/2026 10:55

Yes, I was taught this too (a child of 80s/90s).

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Same. I am in a wheelchair so not me personally, but my brother definitely was in that time period.

Iocanepowder · 09/03/2026 11:19

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2026 11:14

5 is a bit big for Mum’s lap I think too. Maybe Dad’s lap but I bet he wouldn’t have moaned at a Dad!

Agree. But then it can be quite tricky to fit everyone in with lack of legroom for taller men!

i’m 153cm (5ft) and my 5 year old is alreadt 110cm. So not like a little kid.

Also, i absolutely love your username!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2026 11:14

5 is a bit big for Mum’s lap I think too. Maybe Dad’s lap but I bet he wouldn’t have moaned at a Dad!

Nowdontmakeamess · 09/03/2026 11:14

Children are allowed to have their own space, she was just as entitled to a seat as the man, more so as she was on there first. He was being completely unreasonable and rude.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2026 11:13

I think you’re completely fine unless there’s someone who needs a seat - I’d expect my kid to get up if there were elderly, pregnant, disabled etc passengers.

Presumably this man would have felt happy to mention if he had a disability as he was happy to moan!

I wouldn’t expect a kid to get up for a 20s adult as they’re of much the same ability to stand.

BillieWiper · 09/03/2026 11:10

Iocanepowder · 09/03/2026 11:00

No idea about prices in Melbourne but over here, public transport prices are either the same or only slightly lower than adult prices. Charges often start at 5 years old and are the same until 18 years old.

Should a 16 year old also sit on my lap?

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No of course not. They're small enough to sit on a lap at 5. If they are paying the same as an adult then more reason for them to have seat. Definitely.

janietreemore · 09/03/2026 11:09

NeedingAGoodNap · 09/03/2026 10:31

He gave no reason other than he felt children should not sit when adults are standing. It felt like a bit of a tantrum to be honest.

this is not made up and I’m not a man hater!

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Perhaps he was having a tantrum, but a small child using a seat on a bumpy tram would annoy me too. She should have been on your lap. if lots of people were standing

LadyOfLymeHouse · 09/03/2026 11:09

My Mum used to make me stand to let adults sit when I was a child...

PoweredBySheerSpite · 09/03/2026 11:05

MamaToABeautifulBoy · 09/03/2026 10:30

😂

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I don't think I have ever actually laughed out loud at something on here before now!

MyDeftDuck · 09/03/2026 11:05

goz · 09/03/2026 10:21

On a tram a 5 year old can sit on your lap for a short journey imo.

This
Unless you are heavily pregnant then it might not be practical. Otherwise, be a reasonable human being and get your child off a seat.

CypressGrove · 09/03/2026 11:04

Goldfsh · 09/03/2026 11:02

Couldn't you have moved across to the aisle seat and have her sit in your lap? Stick bag in luggage rack.

I've had done that, or just held onto her/upright between my knees if she's a massive chonk.

Maybe this is old-fashioned but I taught mine to stand for adults. I think it's just polite.

Trams dont have luggage racks. And most have very narrow seats that you'd struggle to fit a 5 year old child on your lap.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 09/03/2026 11:04

Why would a man in his 20s be less capable of standing than a child of any age? Absolutely YANBU.

Iocanepowder · 09/03/2026 11:03

Goldfsh · 09/03/2026 11:02

Couldn't you have moved across to the aisle seat and have her sit in your lap? Stick bag in luggage rack.

I've had done that, or just held onto her/upright between my knees if she's a massive chonk.

Maybe this is old-fashioned but I taught mine to stand for adults. I think it's just polite.

Yes it is old fashioned. And ridiculous.

Iocanepowder · 09/03/2026 11:02

YippyKiYay · 09/03/2026 10:58

Nope, public transport is now free for minors in Melbourne. So she didn't have to pay to travel. So according to your comment, she isn't allowed to sit on a seat (that she hasn't paid for).
I grew up in Melbourne and we were always taught that our student fares did not entitle us to a seat, so if any adult was standing we should offer them our seat. A five year old can squeeze onto a parents lap, or - shock- the parent can stand and the child can sit down with all the bags. Not the end of the world. Not like it was a 2 hour cross-country trip!
Sure, the bloke was probably rude, but your 5yo shouldn't be sitting if adults are standing.

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Bollocks.

5 year olds have less stability on moving transport than most healthy adults. So the decent and safest thing is to let them sit down.

And why should op stand up just to let another adult sit down? The male in this story needed to get a grip.