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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my daughter have a seat?

294 replies

NeedingAGoodNap · 09/03/2026 10:18

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

OP posts:
Crazybigtoe · 10/03/2026 10:28

Kirbert2 · 10/03/2026 10:23

The point is that the man demanding a child's seat isn't going to know about any potential disability any more than OP did about the man.

I'm assuming OP and her child weren't sat in any priority seating for disabled/elderly etc if any such seating exists on these trams.

Show quote history

Such seating does exist on these trams.

the OP hasn't mentioned a disability on her side or that of her child- and don't you think she would have on this chat...because that would change things wouldn't it? she has assumed the person was young and able bodied. 'demanded' could be "asked'. She has made all sorts of assumptions. I'm just offering a different view.

It's not that deep.

Kirbert2 · 10/03/2026 10:23

Crazybigtoe · 10/03/2026 10:15

Of course. But the OP didn't mention this did she?

Show quote history

The point is that the man demanding a child's seat isn't going to know about any potential disability any more than OP did about the man.

I'm assuming OP and her child weren't sat in any priority seating for disabled/elderly etc if any such seating exists on these trams.

Crazybigtoe · 10/03/2026 10:15

Kirbert2 · 10/03/2026 10:12

It works both ways though, doesn't it? Children can have hidden disabilities too.

Show quote history

Of course. But the OP didn't mention this did she?

Kirbert2 · 10/03/2026 10:12

Crazybigtoe · 10/03/2026 10:09

In a busy tram, I would sit the child on my lap sideways so legs in the aisle and shopping under her legs, or I would let her sit with the shopping and I would stand.

I would give the seat up for someone else- particularly if they asked. You say they were young, but they may have had a hidden disability. It's rare for someone to ask.

It works both ways though, doesn't it? Children can have hidden disabilities too.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 10/03/2026 10:12

AgnesMcDoo · 09/03/2026 17:17

Good manners.
Their ticket is free or cheaper.
Their legs are younger.
They can sit on a knee.

Lots of reasons

Show quote history

Why is it good manners? Good manners should be mutual, not hierarchical.

Young legs doesn't mean better legs, a person in their 20s is easily as strong or stronger than a person in their teens and much stronger than a 5 year old.
An adult can also technically sit on a knee, but not comfortably. Except for very young children (<2) it's uncomfortable for both adult and child.

Crazybigtoe · 10/03/2026 10:09

In a busy tram, I would sit the child on my lap sideways so legs in the aisle and shopping under her legs, or I would let her sit with the shopping and I would stand.

I would give the seat up for someone else- particularly if they asked. You say they were young, but they may have had a hidden disability. It's rare for someone to ask.

AgnesMcDoo · 10/03/2026 10:02

Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 09:59

But can you explain why you think having good manners (rather than it just being a kind thing to do) means giving up something that is yours to someone else that they don’t really need?

Show quote history

I did. I gave a bunch of reason.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 09:59

AgnesMcDoo · 10/03/2026 09:54

We have a different view on what constitutes good manners.

Show quote history

But can you explain why you think having good manners (rather than it just being a kind thing to do) means giving up something that is yours to someone else that they don’t really need?

AgnesMcDoo · 10/03/2026 09:54

Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 09:49

Why does ‘good manners’ have to involve an adult being more important than a child? I’m not bringing up my dc to believe that they are lesser than anyone else, adult or child, or to believe that all adults must automatically be respected. This attitude is ridiculously outdated and can actually be harmful sometimes.

Show quote history

We have a different view on what constitutes good manners.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 09:49

AgnesMcDoo · 09/03/2026 17:17

Good manners.
Their ticket is free or cheaper.
Their legs are younger.
They can sit on a knee.

Lots of reasons

Show quote history

Why does ‘good manners’ have to involve an adult being more important than a child? I’m not bringing up my dc to believe that they are lesser than anyone else, adult or child, or to believe that all adults must automatically be respected. This attitude is ridiculously outdated and can actually be harmful sometimes.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 09:44

AngelinaFibres · 09/03/2026 18:24

I would absolutely expect a child to stand in favour of an adult.

Why??

Usernamenotav · 10/03/2026 09:08

Definitely wouldn't have made her stand but as others have said, she'd 100% have been on my knee

Edit because I've seen youce said she couldn't fit on your knee.
So no, she should not have to give up her seat.

HMW19061 · 10/03/2026 06:43

I’d just sit my 5 year old in my lap in this situation.

CypressGrove · 09/03/2026 19:39

Dalston · 09/03/2026 19:26

Yes you are unreasonable. Why couldn’t your child sit on your lap?

Show quote history

If you read her later post its because there wasn't space due to a barrier in front of the seat. Not sure when you were last on a Melbourne tram but there are plenty of seats where you couldn't fit an average 5 year old on your lap.

ForeverTheOptomist · 09/03/2026 19:39

OP could well have had piles of shopping on her lap. She would have caused an obstruction if she had stuff on the floor.

ForeverTheOptomist · 09/03/2026 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rude

CypressGrove · 09/03/2026 19:36

Viviennemary · 09/03/2026 13:27

Did she pay full fare. If not then she should have given her seat to an adult.

OP didn't say where she was in Melbourne but in the CBD trams are free for everyone - so does that mean nobody should take a seat?

Dalston · 09/03/2026 19:26

NeedingAGoodNap · 09/03/2026 10:18

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

Yes you are unreasonable. Why couldn’t your child sit on your lap?

Enrichetta · 09/03/2026 19:08

Helplessandheartbroke · 09/03/2026 10:20

Youre not BU for not making her stand but I would have put her on my knee

This

ScarlettSarah · 09/03/2026 19:05

Oh great, another mantrum.

YANBU, OP.

Sennelier1 · 09/03/2026 19:01

For an elderly person, a person obviously struggling or a pregnant woman I would ask my child to give up their seat. I would then take my child on my lap and if that wass impossibel I would stand myself and let my child sit if standing was too hazardous for a young child. But my child has the same right to sit as a healthy 20-something young man.

Allswellthatendswelll · 09/03/2026 18:51

AgnesMcDoo · 09/03/2026 17:17

Good manners.
Their ticket is free or cheaper.
Their legs are younger.
They can sit on a knee.

Lots of reasons

Show quote history

This is nonsense. In that case a 22 year old should get up for me at 37 because of "younger legs".
It's first come first serve unless there is a disability.

And the child couldn't sit on the lap anyway if you read the OP. And 5 year olds can be huge anyway!

Fern95 · 09/03/2026 18:41

Not unreasonable at all. I'm 190cm tall and my 6 year old is 122cm tall, it's impossible for her to sit on my lap, she just slides off!

Jlom · 09/03/2026 18:32

LadyWiddiothethird · 09/03/2026 11:30

Children should never have a seat on their own if there are adults standing.Absolutely ridiculous the way children are pandered to nowadays.

With both parents working, a lot of children have very long days. In primary school, my DS regularly had 8am to 5.30pm days plus a heavy bag with homework to carry home on the tube.That is why a lot of adult Londoners give up their seat for children. It is because they are kind, not ridiculous.

AngelinaFibres · 09/03/2026 18:24

I would absolutely expect a child to stand in favour of an adult.

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