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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my daughter have a seat?

294 replies

NeedingAGoodNap · 09/03/2026 10:18

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

OP posts:
IsoldeWagner · 09/03/2026 10:28

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😂😂
There's probably also some undisclosed disability.

Buttercream101 · 09/03/2026 10:28

Nothing wrong with this. I would actually give up a seat for a child because it's much harder for them to hold on and not nice to be surrounded by big adults with bags etc in their face.

He was very rude.

frozendaisy · 09/03/2026 10:27

The passenger complaining was a man in his supposed prime mid 20s - could be he’s one of the faulty ones who intensely dislikes females.

Original poster
NeedingAGoodNap · 09/03/2026 10:26

Sorry should have been clear that due to the tram layout, she wouldn’t have fitted on my lap between the seat and the Perspex in front of us. My knees already touch the barrier! Plus we had a bag as well already on my lap.

Shes also not a light kid and it would be painful to have her sit on my lap.

OP posts:
FlowerFairyDaisy · 09/03/2026 10:26

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goz · 09/03/2026 10:26

NoYourNameChanged · 09/03/2026 10:23

I’d have done the same op. Better a child sat down than flying around injuring themselves and potentially others surely. As you say, an able bodied adult is much better equipped to hang on and steady themselves. I wouldn’t put my 4yo on my lap either, he’s absolutely massive and, for full disclosure, I’ve a mobility related disability so wouldn’t want to risk an injury myself. I accept this isn’t the norm as such though.

Edited

Interesting post change from “I wouldn’t put him on my lap i don’t want a dead leg”.

GreenWheat · 09/03/2026 10:25

I would say roughly speaking, 5 and under can go on your lap, 6-9 better in a seat on their own than standing, 10+ stand for those in greater need.

Coffeeishot · 09/03/2026 10:24

I dont think you are unreasonable not to be intimidated to give up her seat, although you could have sat her on your lap and offered someone a seat.

Aquarius91 · 09/03/2026 10:24

at that age she would have say on my knee.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 09/03/2026 10:24

I think what you did was fine. I don't really see why you need to put her on your lap either to be honest.

If someone who needed a seat for mobility issues got on I would stand and let my child stay seated.

INX · 09/03/2026 10:24

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NoYourNameChanged · 09/03/2026 10:23

I’d have done the same op. Better a child sat down than flying around injuring themselves and potentially others surely. As you say, an able bodied adult is much better equipped to hang on and steady themselves. I wouldn’t put my 4yo on my lap either, he’s absolutely massive and, for full disclosure, I’ve a mobility related disability so wouldn’t want to risk an injury myself. I accept this isn’t the norm as such though.

INX · 09/03/2026 10:23

Was there a reason why you couldn't pop her on your lap like millions of thoughtful parents around the world often do?

Doesn't cost anything to do the decent thing.

Unfenced · 09/03/2026 10:22

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goz · 09/03/2026 10:21

On a tram a 5 year old can sit on your lap for a short journey imo.

ExpressCheckout · 09/03/2026 10:21

YANBU
<9 year old = probably should sit down, for safety reasons
>9 year old = old enough to steady themselves and stand
Sitting on lap is also an option for a short journey

Wishimaywishimight · 09/03/2026 10:21

Tbh, I would expect you to sit her on your lap and leave the seat free.

itsthetea · 09/03/2026 10:20

Sit her on your lap u less you have some major problem that you only mention later

Helplessandheartbroke · 09/03/2026 10:20

Youre not BU for not making her stand but I would have put her on my knee

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