Ostracised by neighbours & wanting to move

I can’t imagine why you would care to be included in this gossiping gaggle of neighbours, whom you characterise as borderline feral in places.
You make it clear you dislike them, yet still want to be significant among them. This is pretty deranged. .
Nod and smile when you encounter any of them, and for the love of God put them out of your mind. This isn’t primary school. .

Not wanting people parading through your garden does not make you a hermit who doesn't wish to be on friendly terms with their neighbours.

When the 'For Sale ' sign went up on my house I had a txt from ndn saying ' Thanks Pesto !!!,'
I just replied ' thanks for what '..because I genuinely didn't know what she meant. After a long silence she sent me message saying that she thought I would have talked it over with her first..
Why the fuck would I do that ??!!!
We are both widows and we both have bungalows in a village... no busses and I don't drive
I'm moving to be near my daughter..a bus route and shops.
Yesterday the 'Sold' sign went up and she sends me another message 'It had better not be anyone with screaming kids .barking dogs .druggies or a packie '
Iv blocked her now..

I felt quite liberated today.. Knowing both sides hate us meant I had my radio on reasonably loud whilst I sang away decorating... No fucks to give if they approve or not.. Knowing I won't ever be taking parcels in for thoughtless people who leave them for days before collecting.. Or mindless chat in the street.. And they have a ddog I care not a jot of it barks the rest of its days lol it did since they moved in. I won't be worrying about our ddog barking or the dc being loud. For decades we've been decent thoughtful neighbours.. No more people
. Life is for living and singing..

Did you discuss the issues before putting your barriers in place?

I'm not sure how their marital status has any bearing to be honest. That makes you sound very judgemental.

However, I'm not clear on why this matters. You clearly don't like them so why do you want to be involved with them?

Go out and meet others elsewhere, join hobby groups etc. Not many people are besties with their neighbours these days so why not just focus on getting on with your own life and let them talk if they want to. It honestly sounds like you're tying yourself up in knots because you want to be liked instead of valuing your own peace.

Don't move just because your neighbours, who you're not bothered about being friends with are being twats. When you see them just smile & shout 'Hi Ya' if you seem friendly regardless of their own actions then they'll not be able to gossip in a negative way about you. Take the parcels in if you're able to then when they come to collect them be overly friendly asking how they are etc. don't engage in any gossip with the others either then nothing can get back to any of them about what you've said. If others start telling you something about your neighbours simply say, 'I don't do gossip, it causes all kinds of issues' & walk away. Try not to let it bother you so much. If you have family & friends you see often then you don't need these people in your life so don't give them any headspace

OP, how long have you lived there? Are you a fairly new resident? Have these women lived on the street and known each other for a long time? It may be that the people who lived in your house before you didn't mind the chatting by the window or the children walking across the driveway. Did you speak to your neighbours about your preferences before you put up the barriers? Like, "Hi, Judy. Listen, I thought I'd just mention that I've noticed that a number of people cross my driveway and have conversations close to my window. It just makes me a bit uncomfortable and I'd rather they didn't do that. What do you think would be a good way to let everyone know that?" You see? You'd be asking for their advice and getting your message across. That might have been enough to make them stop on their own. If you're the only person who put up barriers, it could indeed seem unfriendly and like you want to just be left alone. So, they do leave you alone. Not accepting packages for your neighbours certainly says, "I want nothing to do with you!" If you want to protect your privacy while still being a good neighbour, it's up to you to reach out to them. If you don't like them and can't be bothered, then just ignore them.

Sadly, once you start instituting reasonable boundaries people get made at you. Ask me how I know. I live in a neighborhood that is a cesspool of gossip. It was just shocking that I received so much negativity over taking care of myself in a healthy way.

It seems you have dealt with the main issue and now have to listen to the residual feed back. I had to start telling anyone who would repeat more rebounding gossip to just stop. It is just more gossip even if it is given to you in an informative or seemingly helpful way.

You don’t need to hear it. Once that stopped I was able to live at peace in my own home and it was worth all the trouble.

It's not always as easy as that unfortunately. I am in similar position as OP and totally understand where she is coming from. Its not a nice situation to be in .

I really feel for you OP, as I'm having similar situation with neighbours either side of me . Have put up with a lot over several years and finally made a stand for my rights and now ostracised by them . Its not pleasant. I too want to move to get away from them .
Sorry I can't make any useful suggestions but just wanted to say I understand how you feel and I hope you manage to resolve the situation one way or another. Its very stressful 💐

Just detach yourself completely. You’re not part of their group, you’re not going to be. Ignore them as much as they ignore you. Avoid eye contact and smiling. If they know they are bothering you they’ll keep doing it.
stop gossiping about them and ignore them. Have you heard of the ‘let them’ theory? Do that.

there’s no point trying to get them to like you. I’m sure they’ll move on to someone else soon.

1. why do you care?

2. what did you expect would happen?

3. why didn’t you take a delivery if you want this situation to change? This could have been a way to patch things up, now you look like you have a serious grudge

Why would you want them to talk to you? Sounds like it’s a good thing they are ignoring you. Just ignore them back and get on with your every day life.

whats them being single mothers got to do with any of this?

Try and rise above it, they don’t sound very pleasant and the people “filing you in” on the gossip aren’t helping you out, let them know you couldn’t give two figs what any busybodies are waffling about.

Honestly I don’t think you’re being unneighbourly by trying to stop kids trespassing. I actually don’t want any kids that aren’t mine on my property. But you do kind of need to buck up a bit. You are not moving house because some random woman are bitching about you - that’s crazy. Someone else will tell off one of their toe rags and they’ll move on to them. Trust me I’ve seen it happen time and time again, I grew up on an estate. They’re often just very gossipy.

Sounds shocking to me.

Some people thrive on this sort of chatter or have thick skins and dont care.
Personally i think its perfectly ok to have put a fence up. Its your property!
Youve annoyed them and they have reverted to acting like catty 12 year olds.
Vomit inducing tbh.

We alwaya get on with our neighnours. Ive lived in about 16 different places! The hosue we are in now has one mega gobby neighbour who has isolated themselves by acting loudly and being rude, beer cans strewn about etc. I wouldnt accept post for them either frankly as dont wsnt to be accused of anything like damaging their things.
A while back we received some of their post and i popped it through their post box the same day. They told another neighbour id trespassed on their lawn😄
The difference here though, is that they stand out as grumpy and bit chavvy and dirty, loud etx and no one else really is.

I guess it sort of depends on what the rest of the neighbourhood is like?

My last house in a bigger city, we all kept our hedges squared off, paths clean, bins hidden (yes one of THOSE neighbourhoods) and tbh it was nice and boring and quiet and we never really saw anyone as everyone was at work.

Its not really for anyone else to tell you that ypurw being unreasonabke or not...its just that everyone is different and feels happier in different surroundings.
Im out and about all the time or at work so usually (even if it was a neighbiurhood where everyong is hanging around eachother...but it's not) so i wouldnt even notice other mums gossiping.
Euther ignore it or move. Honestly life is too short x

You re talking about ill mannered people who live near you.
Wouldn't be better to not give a f""k. Get busy, and forget them.

Just smile and ignore them, doesn't affect you at all. Presumably they're not attacking or inconveniencing you in any way? Whilst it's nice to have friendly neighbours, but can also be a drag - I feel I always have to stop and chat, or be very visibly rushing if I don't want to. And everyone knows what I'm up to, which can make me self-conscious (not that I'm ever up to anything very interesting!) And then there's the worry of what if they do something that you want to complain about - it's a lot easier if they're strangers!

You don’t have to be as rude to them as they are to you. Be civil-if they don’t say hello back to you then keep going. I wouldn’t like people walking across my property but there are ways of dealing with it.

Are your kids the same age as any of the neighbours? Coz they could end up wanting to play together- just bear it in mind.

I live in a tight cul-de-sac and a woman moved in a couple of years ago. She was having major work done. She made herself really unpopular with loads of endless renovation work and builders blocking us from entering our homes, dust, noise etc. she now wants to move because she feels nobody likes her. Most people don’t like her but it’s because of her behaviour. If she had behaved differently her life here would been much happier. Just saying…

Agree with you re the planters etc. it's very bad mannered and disrespectful to use your land as a cut through. However do you need to be friends with your neighbours and I agree they will probably fall out with each other

Dont listen to ‘what dso and so said about you’
Also kids grow up - might spend more time away from the area / on their games consul / at footie, swimming ,whatever.
Situations change -give it time before making a big decision
Also you might hit it off with a new neighbour or one of the existing ones.
Bit standing outside a neighbours living room window chatting is crass and deliberate imv -who does this?