When I'm distressed I talk about my feelings alot

I know you said you were told to talk about your feelings op, but actually there has been a shift in this approach. Reliving it endlessly just causes you to be stuck feeling traumatised. I never really spoke about mine, people actually really don’t want to hear about it, and I don’t want to hear about other peoples tbh.

constant rehashing of trauma can indeed keep you stuck, acting as a form of ‘trauma dumping’ or ‘rumination’ that reinforces, rather than resolves, the distress. Whilst processing trauma is essential for healing, repeatedly focusing on the details without therapeutic support can cause the brain to relive the event, triggering the same fight-or-fight responses’.

I have had several major traumatic events. My life improved dramatically when I stopped constantly reliving it all. I hope things improve for you soon.

There is a limit to how much trauma dumping anyone can take. 🤷‍♀️

A close friend giving support for a short while is normal, but continual offloading just gets boring/draining.

Everyone has stress in their life at times.

So, get a therapist - they are trained and paid to listen.

I mean trauma dumping is a real thing, it exists. We can't pretend that it doesn't exist to make people feel more comfortable. I suspect it's something that most of us here have done at some point.

It becomes a problem when you do it too much or to inappropriate people but it doesn't make you a bad person in of itself.

It's not that nobody wants to hear it, most people who aren't trained listeners, counsellors, therapists etc are not equipped to support you with it. It can become too much for people and they may become overwhelmed by someone repeatedly talking about all the traumatic or upsetting things that have happened to them and/or their feelings about that. It can difficult for others to handle emotionally, particularly on repeat.

People can also become frustrated when someone is constantly bringing problems and will do nothing to change their situation, won't seek professional help, or sabotage every attempt at engaging with help. My grandma is like this, she wants help and says she doesn't have enough help, but won't say exactly what she needs, then nothing anybody offers is good enough for her and she gets angry and sends them away. It's exhausting constantly going through the cycle of being told x, y or z is a problem and is upsetting her, going through what could be done to help, then having her reject everything and then complain about getting no help/nobody wanting to help her. I'm not saying you do this exact thing OP, I'm using it as an example of the kind of pattern that can burn out the emotional capacity of loved ones very fast.

In general, most people like to be kind and helpful, and alleviate suffering where they can, because we like to feel like we are being effective and productive as humans. But when suffering is someone's entire life, and you feel there is nothing you could do that could possibly help them or be of use, except be talked at like a pot plant in the corner, people will begin to withdraw, unfortunately.

OP, you have got into a loop where you are not committed to getting better. You talk to (at?) people about your Trauma and then you scan their response to that, to find fault so that their response becomes the issue at hand, and the Trauma is left untouched.

When you talk about your Trauma, you sound like a hoarder talking about their hoard, and I am questioning to what extent Trauma is your identity, and do you know who you are outside of that identity.

You've been posting about your "trauma" for years had plenty of good advice and ignored it all. In every thread you bring up the same things and quite frankly if you're like this in real life you must drive those around you nuts, you need serious psychiatric help.
I'm not saying this to be cruel but you need to stop trauma dumping on everyone around you because they have heard it all before and don't need to hear it again

People are try to tell you how to improve but you’ve just argued and got upset at all the advice you’ve been given.

Genuine question- why are you being so nasty to everyone when we are just trying to help you

You say that these people are being insensitive

And yet THEY say that YOU are insensitive because you dump your crap on them

Stop dumping your shit on others. Then all will be well

What is?
If your going to respond to a poster you need to quote them or @ them otherwise nobody knows who you are talking to or what you are talking about.

You may not like what people are saying to you but the fact is multiple people are saying the same think Ergo you and the way you talk about your issues are the problem. The harsh but honest truth is nobody cares about your trauma and nobody wants to hear about it. If you want to keep the few friends you have left stop trauma dumping on everyone before you drive them away too

Yes this has clearly been an issue for a long time and the poster doesn’t want advice. I do wonder whether that might be why the people in real life struggle.

its hard OP , but you have had good advice over the years. If you are unable to avail yourself of it, you can’t heal.

Was that to me? If it was, then it is not actually. I am genuinely concerned that you appear to have been at this level of stress for so long that it can’t be doing you any good. There is no need to have a go at people when they are trying to help you.

OP I think you are not very well at the moment. When you aren’t well things seem worse and simple comments can take on more meaning than they should.

If you are open to mental health services I would try to engage with them. If you have sole care of a child(ren) maybe you can see if someone can help out for a while. I think you need some support more than MN can give. I wish you well.

We all have those times that it really helps to talk about our feelings . Especially when upset.
Dont be so hard on yourself .

And I don’t normally do an advanced search but this chaos has been going on for at least SIX years - and you have at least one child.

Please do yourself and your child(ren) a favour and GET HELP. Policing the tone of other users is just a deflection.

I hope you get the help you need and get support to turn your life around.

People are using a perfectly legitimate term to describe what you yourself have described. There is no judgment attached to it. I would kindly suggest you look it up as you sound very raw right now, and you need someone to help you who knows what you are doing.

I think you need to focus on the content and intention behind the phrase.

The people who are saying it are telling you that you have exhausted their capacity to cope with your problems. I am guessing they are feeling exasperated that you are ignoring them.

OP, with absolute kindness you have been asked multiple times what it is we are actually talking about here and you have chosen to tone police posters rather than getting into anything constructive. This is now a recurring pattern of wasting people’s good will, and correcting them as a deflection from your own behaviour.

Having friends you can talk to is good, but it can be wearing on them too.

There are a few things you can try. Have you go a therapist you can talk to each week? Also, writing the feelings down and journaling is another way to get them out.

i haven’t tried it myself, but I’ve heard that chat GPT can also be great for this. Get your feeling heard there.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t sometimes talk to friends. But be aware that sometimes they’re also carrying a heavy load, even if they don’t share that with you.

This story isn’t about serious trauma, but my friends and I are getting older. We all have various ailments. We have a rule when we catch up. You get to complain about ONE thing each. It’s not that we don’t care about each other, but conversations can pretty much go on and on about various things that are troubling us if we don’t make an effort to talk about other things. We pick our most annoying ailment and lead with that, no jumping in with our stories about how we once had that too. Otherwise, with oldies, conversations can be just too much medical doom and gloom. Conversations need light and shade.

Find some other ways to get your heaviest trouble out so that you’re not inadvertently overdoing it with your friends.

I don’t think so, the posting style is very different.

You sound quite whiny just judging by your posts here.

I can only imagine how annoying it is if you go off on one about your feelings.

But then - I really hate talking about my own or anytime else's feelings beyond perfunctory transactional stuff so 🤷‍♀️

@SerendipityCat is this the s poster that was complaining about the carers turning up late the other week?

I’m starting to see why people are struggling to listen to you.

I understand it sounds cruel to you but that is an accurate descriptor for the people who find themselves on the receiving end of it.

You have spoken to a helpline who advised you it was good to talk. And it is.

And other people have listened but they cannot take the weight of your trauma and they have no support for how it impacts in them. Professional counsellors and therapists have supervision, in which they are able to process the things they have been told. Your friends, or whoever you are talking to, don't have that.

They are entitled and, more importantly, need to put boundaries in place around this to protect themselves and their own mental well being.

You are not in a place to realise this currently, which is why it feels cruel to you but they are right to stop you.