Avocados are deceitful little bastards

YANBU. They're duplicitous bastards.

Many years ago we lived in a European country with a weekend food market in the central square. There was an Avocado Man in it who had a stall selling only avocados. You would ask him for an avocado, he would ask when you were planning to eat it, and proceed to sell you an avocado that was absolutely and perfectly ripe at the time you had named.

All subsequent avocado purchases have been an exercise in disappointment and I rarely buy them now. It is my life long sorrow.

Waitrose had frozen avocado recently, I had an ad about it. Looked revolting!

Slice your hand off if you look at em wrong. Cuntz!

With the too hard pears, cook them in boiling water with lots of sugar added and then cool down in the fridge and hey presto you’ve made tinned pears - what’s not to like.

I find the packs of two in M&S or Waitrose the most consistent. Tesco are shocking, ditto Aldi.

I am intrigued by mushy peas on toast, thanks for the tip from PP who hated the idea!

Not all disappointing avos can be simply blitzed into guac, sauce or similar. I've done that with one or two and just ended up with what can only be described as green gravel.

Completely agree on both avocados and pears- small window of being nice. Would also add brie - it is rock then smells like a sock. You can have that one brie marketing board.
Did you know you can buy frozen ripe avocado and it does not go brown when thawed

Only amateurs remove the stone by slamming a knife into the stone or scooping it (and half the flesh) out with a spoon. Pros know that the correct way is to push it out from behind, through the skin. If it doesn’t come out easily, avocado ain’t ripe.

Disappointing and irredeemable avocados can always be used in a salad dressing with lemon or lime juice, olive oil, garlic, oregano, s&p (or other stuff).

The wonderful Simon Drew got there before you OP (image is coming shortly ....)

DH has an apron with this on...

I came here to mention mangoes. I have one that I wanted to use tonight but it’s still rock hard. Put it on the window sill to ripen, no doubt it’ll be mush by tomorrow night.

A perfect one is an absolute joy. Most are mediocre and sometimes those stringy brown abominations sneak in

Oooh! This is exactly the kind of information that keeps me on Mumsnet! Thank you!

DH told me recently that I'd woken him up by saying in my sleep "Funny little things, aren't they?".
"What's funny?" he mumbled.
"Peas, of course!" I chortled, still asleep. "Funny little things!"

I don't know what peas do that's so funny, but they're obviously nicer and more co-operative than pears and avocados.

Out of two of the little bastards, today, I got half a passable green bit. Only had them a couple of days (okay, got them last week…)

ah frozen avocado - yes it IS SOLD HERE - to catering companies at least.

I know this because during the dark days of lockdown a local catering supply company was, of course, left with tons of stock - so they started selling to households. 5kg of beetroot anyone? Well, there were 5 adults in the house so we managed to get through most of the large catering supply volumes - though I think the wholegrain mustard might still be going strong in the back of the fridge.....

we got through a tray of 50 "Beyond burgers" (the fake meat) quite easily - but I have no desire to eat them ever again - and yes, HUGE packs of frozen avocado.

This is why cafes always have smashed avocado on toast available - they use defrost the bit they need and smash it.

it was actually OK made into guacamole.

Me too 😊

What do you do with them? My mother uses them as a topping for pizza and my dad uses them in a creamy pasta sauce with mushrooms. I find the texture goes a little odd.

But tbf, the texture of avocados is often odd- as this thread demonstrates!

This is why i only eat tinned pears.

Last time I was in Australia they sold frozen avocado chunks in the freezer section. It might happen here too, but I have not seen it.

Shall I tell you what defrosted avocado chunks are like? It's not pretty.

Add Sharon fruit to the list (am I allowed to still call them that, or is it offensive to all Sharons?)

Dd (11 at the time, not sure how she knew 😆) informed me it’s about how easy the little stalk comes off and I have now perfected it to coming off but with a slight resistance (I prefer them firm, obviously this is subjective). Still doesn’t allow for a tasteless one but I usually get me preferred level of ripe 🥑

Just to play devil's avocate (see what I did, it didn't work but even so...) our lidl ones are the best around. Sainsbos usually pretty good too. We go through about 8 a week me and my husband so I speak from some experience!
Went to Mexico last year, still weeping about how good they are there 🥑

Or when they get the weird brown fibre strings in them.

to be honest it’s the only thing I dislike about online shopping. I don’t even trust dh to choose a good one, never mind a total stranger. Everyone knows you have to gently squeeze it up close to your ear to hear if it’s ripe, then transport it round the shop in the baby seat of the trolley 🤷‍♀️