Page 3 | Avocados are deceitful little bastards

daisychain01 · 03/03/2026 05:37

oviraptor21 · 02/03/2026 22:18

Avocados are fine, you just have to treat them right.
Bananas on the other hand are completely unmanageable. If you're lucky you get one day of acceptable ripeness and then they've turned all spotty brown and inedible. If you're unlucky you don't even get one day.

DH and I are a match made in heaven. I will only eat bananas when they are beautifully yellow a day after they've shaken off their green tinge.

After that DH will eat the ones that start to turn spotty. By then the smell makes me want to heave. Unpleasant.

Then we put any remaining in tinfoil and bake them, delish with Carte D'or vanilla ice cream.

5foot5 · 02/03/2026 23:18

Calliopespa · 02/03/2026 20:26

Or the person at M and S who sticks on the "ripe and ready to eat stickers."

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Oh they must be in cahoots with the person at our local Sainsbury's. I have seen avocados labelled "ripe and ready" that feel as hard as canon balls. I can only assume they have some hapless individual who has never had an avocado in their life and has absolutely no idea what to look for.

Mildmanneredmum · 02/03/2026 22:46

canklesmctacotits · 02/03/2026 21:12

Only amateurs remove the stone by slamming a knife into the stone or scooping it (and half the flesh) out with a spoon. Pros know that the correct way is to push it out from behind, through the skin. If it doesn’t come out easily, avocado ain’t ripe.

Disappointing and irredeemable avocados can always be used in a salad dressing with lemon or lime juice, olive oil, garlic, oregano, s&p (or other stuff).

Het hem. A pointy sundae spoon will do it gently every time,

Calliopespa · 02/03/2026 22:45

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 22:24

Im an amateur who uses the slamming knife technique. Didnt know there was any other?

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I am too timid and use the knife as lever approach - which normally results in pinging it across the room.

Showdogworkingdog · 02/03/2026 22:42

I’ve been buying pots of smashed avocado. It’s £3.50 a tub but I reckoned I had a hit rate of about 1 in 8 for fresh avocado so it’s like an efficiency really. Life changing. Bloody love avocado on flatbread with crispy bacon and a smidge of chilli jam. Had it once in a lovely little cafe and I’ve been trying to recreate the taste experience ever since.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/food/products/p/fdp60287159

Wish I could get pears right though, the tinned ones are like slop. Pears are definitely bastards.

Smashed Avocado | M&S

Up the vibrancy of weekend brunch or evening meals with our fuss-free Smashed Avocado. Perfectly ripe, creamy avocados are mashed to a just-right chunky texture, seasoned and finished with lime juice for that zesty zing.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/food/products/p/fdp60287159

Beesandhoney123 · 02/03/2026 22:26

You have to wait until til they are a tad squidgy then sort of push them out of their skins. Same with mangoes.

I avoid the shiny big ones because they could easily double as a murder weapon, then go bad. The bobbly ones are easier to judge, with a squeeze.

Mangoes are best eaten in the bath, if very ripe imo. Same as pears.

Original poster

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 22:24

queenofwandss · 02/03/2026 22:22

What is this magic??

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Im an amateur who uses the slamming knife technique. Didnt know there was any other?

OP posts:

queenofwandss · 02/03/2026 22:22

canklesmctacotits · 02/03/2026 21:12

Only amateurs remove the stone by slamming a knife into the stone or scooping it (and half the flesh) out with a spoon. Pros know that the correct way is to push it out from behind, through the skin. If it doesn’t come out easily, avocado ain’t ripe.

Disappointing and irredeemable avocados can always be used in a salad dressing with lemon or lime juice, olive oil, garlic, oregano, s&p (or other stuff).

What is this magic??

pinkpony88 · 02/03/2026 22:21

NearCanongate · 02/03/2026 22:19

I was coming on here to say exactly that about peaches and nectarines. Rock solid until the middle of the night, ripe for 2 minutes at 2:26am and rotten by morning.

And to avoid the nasty knife injuries may I suggest this: https://www.johnlewis.com/oxo-good-grips-3-in-1-avocado-tool/p231801068?s_ppc=2dx_mixed_home_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20155424063&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1xMJ3DxxEuS31YiVM9B_usoF&gclid=CjwKCAiAh5XNBhAAEiwA_Bu8Fa9mZfC9xYYCCB3nwAWobNN7vgoErXIQB_90hupLukp7Xo_fPUJI_hoCvosQAvD_BwE?

It doesn't cut very well, it can be a pain to get the stone out with the middle bit and the slices of avocado mush in the slicer bit, so it really goes well with avocados.

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Glad it’s not just mine! I actually still buy them and roast them with honey. I’m not letting them outsmart me! 😁

liveforsummer · 02/03/2026 22:21

According to the stickers all over the produce in Tesco yesterday, avocados (and oranges) are from Israel and we should boycott them. Oranges Tbf are similar in that it’s rare to get a nice one these days so both easy choices to avoid (except that we love avos in this house) 😆

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/03/2026 22:21

oviraptor21 · 02/03/2026 22:18

Avocados are fine, you just have to treat them right.
Bananas on the other hand are completely unmanageable. If you're lucky you get one day of acceptable ripeness and then they've turned all spotty brown and inedible. If you're unlucky you don't even get one day.

This is true, but there's banana bread so I forgive them. My main problem is that I'll get all excited thinking about banana bread and then the husband eats all of them because he loves a brown speckly banana. But I knew that about him and married him anyway so it's on me.

NearCanongate · 02/03/2026 22:19

pinkpony88 · 02/03/2026 22:15

I feel a bit the same about peaches. All 6 of them will be ripe at exactly 2:26am and then by morning they are rotten… it’s got to be deliberate!

I was coming on here to say exactly that about peaches and nectarines. Rock solid until the middle of the night, ripe for 2 minutes at 2:26am and rotten by morning.

And to avoid the nasty knife injuries may I suggest this: https://www.johnlewis.com/oxo-good-grips-3-in-1-avocado-tool/p231801068?s_ppc=2dx_mixed_home_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20155424063&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1xMJ3DxxEuS31YiVM9B_usoF&gclid=CjwKCAiAh5XNBhAAEiwA_Bu8Fa9mZfC9xYYCCB3nwAWobNN7vgoErXIQB_90hupLukp7Xo_fPUJI_hoCvosQAvD_BwE?

It doesn't cut very well, it can be a pain to get the stone out with the middle bit and the slices of avocado mush in the slicer bit, so it really goes well with avocados.

OXO Good Grips 3-in-1 Avocado Tool

Buy OXO Good Grips 3-in-1 Avocado Tool from our View All Kitchen Utensils range at John Lewis & Partners. Free Delivery on orders over £70.

https://www.johnlewis.com/oxo-good-grips-3-in-1-avocado-tool/p231801068?gad_campaignid=20155424063&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1xMJ3DxxEuS31YiVM9B_usoF&gclid=CjwKCAiAh5XNBhAAEiwA_Bu8Fa9mZfC9xYYCCB3nwAWobNN7vgoErXIQB_90hupLukp7Xo_fPUJI_hoCvosQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&s_ppc=2dx_mixed_home_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/03/2026 22:19

Actually you know tomatoes are the same. British tomatoes are crunchy and insipid. We just don't notice because we so rarely get really good, juicy, properly ripe tomatoes.

oviraptor21 · 02/03/2026 22:18

Avocados are fine, you just have to treat them right.
Bananas on the other hand are completely unmanageable. If you're lucky you get one day of acceptable ripeness and then they've turned all spotty brown and inedible. If you're unlucky you don't even get one day.

pinkpony88 · 02/03/2026 22:15

I feel a bit the same about peaches. All 6 of them will be ripe at exactly 2:26am and then by morning they are rotten… it’s got to be deliberate!

Original poster

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 22:14

Drpawpawspaw · 02/03/2026 22:13

Adding figs to the shitlist.

Oh fucking figs

You're right.

OP posts:

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/03/2026 22:14

Yes, OP, yes, a thousand times yes. Not for nothing were they once known as the avocado pear. It's because, like the pear, they have a two second window of perfect melting deliciousness. At all other times they are rock solid or browning mush. I despise them, I cannot rely on them, and I can't leave them.

Drpawpawspaw · 02/03/2026 22:13

Adding figs to the shitlist.

Calliopespa · 02/03/2026 22:12

MindYourUsage · 02/03/2026 21:23

I find the packs of two in M&S or Waitrose the most consistent. Tesco are shocking, ditto Aldi.

I am intrigued by mushy peas on toast, thanks for the tip from PP who hated the idea!

Not all disappointing avos can be simply blitzed into guac, sauce or similar. I've done that with one or two and just ended up with what can only be described as green gravel.

And if they are stringy they are beyond redemption.

squashyhat · 02/03/2026 22:12

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 20:10

Look ripe. Feel ripe.

Not ripe

Five minutes later. Over ripe.

Tru dat

Calliopespa · 02/03/2026 22:12

wanderingtopographer · 02/03/2026 21:46

Many years ago we lived in a European country with a weekend food market in the central square. There was an Avocado Man in it who had a stall selling only avocados. You would ask him for an avocado, he would ask when you were planning to eat it, and proceed to sell you an avocado that was absolutely and perfectly ripe at the time you had named.

All subsequent avocado purchases have been an exercise in disappointment and I rarely buy them now. It is my life long sorrow.

This is only going to make us all feel worse now: we are experiencing the pain because we are just too useless.

Calliopespa · 02/03/2026 22:10

Lordofthewing · 02/03/2026 20:35

Agree- proper bastards. See also Mangoes (but that could just be my being useless as no-one else seems to have issues with mangoes)

I have mango issues as well.

Pale crunchy mango ...

Nosejobnelly · 02/03/2026 22:09

DH is very good at judging avocado ripeness - it’s his special power

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 02/03/2026 22:08

They’ve got to up their game with the free toys.
I’ve got loads of wooden balls already.

🥑

laloue · 02/03/2026 21:49

There’s an old Eddie Izzard sketch about Stalinist pears that absolutely nails this!
On a positive note ,if you can find the M&S nets of ripen at home ones, they seem to work best and are not pricey (I recommend as a person whose ideal snack is half an avo’ with Worcester Sauce in the dimple 🤗)