Avocados are deceitful little bastards

liveforsummer · 08/05/2026 07:13

I bought an extra large avocado yesterday. I was confident it would be great. Firm but not solid, lovely shiny skin, little stalk that came off after a little pressure but not too easily. All good signs. Nope! Among the perfect coloured fresh flesh was bits of stalky brown string EVERYWHERE. Like eating strips of baling twine. My faith is shaken and I thought I know how to pick a good one after much experimenting over the years

Original poster

likelysuspect · 25/04/2026 07:29

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 24/04/2026 23:36

Walnuts lie, too.

You eat 4, or 5, and they taste lovely, and then (just to keep you on your toes!), one will taste like soap.

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Or one has gone rancid in the bag, the others are ok until you get to that one, but now you dont know what others are rancid and you needed to grind the whole lot up for a recipe so you have to chuck the whole bag away and start again

Ive taken to nibbling a bit of each walnut in a mountain of them to check Im not ruining a recipe. I dont even like walnuts!!!

OP posts:

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 24/04/2026 23:36

Sidge · 08/03/2026 10:46

They lie. Like satsumas.

I regularly have satsuma disappointment.

Walnuts lie, too.

You eat 4, or 5, and they taste lovely, and then (just to keep you on your toes!), one will taste like soap.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 08/03/2026 20:30

I bought a pair of Tesco Finest ready to eat avocados - yellow stickered so should have definitely been ready to eat. First one was rock hard and when I cut into it it was not ready to eat.

The second one I kept, thought I'd give it a couple days. Bastard thing was still so unripe as to be inedible a week later when I decided it'd had long enough.

I keep buying them because they're about the only green thing my autistic DS will eat.

Original poster

likelysuspect · 08/03/2026 20:24

StrawberrySquash · 08/03/2026 20:08

Why do you think they were called avocado pears?

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Do pears identify as white avocados or do avocados identify a green pear

Which is it?

I mean do they both think they work for MI5 or something?

OP posts:

StrawberrySquash · 08/03/2026 20:08

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 20:17

Pears yes. They need to go on the list as well.

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Why do you think they were called avocado pears?

Elephant788 · 08/03/2026 19:56

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 20:10

Look ripe. Feel ripe.

Not ripe

Five minutes later. Over ripe.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

YachtMistress · 08/03/2026 16:43

This is my sort of MN thread

Washingupdone · 08/03/2026 16:40

I ordered an avocado on toast in an M&S cafe, what do they do to the mushy avocado to make it not taste like what I ordered?

Bluedenimdoglover · 08/03/2026 13:52

The high demand in Europe and US for avocado is causing considerable deforestation and soil degredation in Mexico. I don't buy them now. It's just another food fad, it will pass, but the soil in Mexico may never recover.

daleylama · 08/03/2026 13:40

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 02/03/2026 20:15

They’ve been taking lessons from pears, which also have a minute window when they’re actually edible.

It's all part of supermarkets conspiring to have us be the patsies between them and the bin

IdentityCris · 08/03/2026 11:21

What mystifies me is - how do restaurants manage to have a stock of ripe but not over-ripe avocados available and on order? How do they manage to guarantee that they will be OK? Do they throw away lots?

chasegirl · 08/03/2026 10:53

user1471453601 · 02/03/2026 20:19

Putting unripe avocado or pear with a banana works wonders

But not for too long or you get banana flavoured avocado 😖

Sidge · 08/03/2026 10:46

They lie. Like satsumas.

I regularly have satsuma disappointment.

Brokeandold · 08/03/2026 10:04

This has bought back a memory of when i was in hospital with our 1st DS, had to stay in for a few days as he had an infection.
I was vegetarian back then, my DH would bring in an avocado each morning so i could have it with toast ,
26 years later, going the menopause rages and i think i want to smash his face in
I read this thread and have a lovely memory, thankyou!

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 08/03/2026 09:02

laloue · 02/03/2026 21:49

There’s an old Eddie Izzard sketch about Stalinist pears that absolutely nails this!
On a positive note ,if you can find the M&S nets of ripen at home ones, they seem to work best and are not pricey (I recommend as a person whose ideal snack is half an avo’ with Worcester Sauce in the dimple 🤗)

Worcester sauce? I'm intrigued. I'd try it but I'm too skint to waste money on a disappointing avocado.

Original poster

likelysuspect · 06/03/2026 16:51

Goldfsh · 06/03/2026 16:46

OH GOD YES and the PRICE! In M&S I pay £3.80 just to open the Present of Brown Disappointment. they know I won't traipse through town with a bag of mush to complain.

They are like the worst Kinder Eggs ever invented.

😂

OP posts:

Goldfsh · 06/03/2026 16:46

OH GOD YES and the PRICE! In M&S I pay £3.80 just to open the Present of Brown Disappointment. they know I won't traipse through town with a bag of mush to complain.

They are like the worst Kinder Eggs ever invented.

Oldraver · 06/03/2026 16:43

I think my partner was fed up of me playing Avocado roulette, so bought me a soft toy so I would always have a ripe avocado

Original poster

likelysuspect · 06/03/2026 16:17

Mydogisagentleman · 06/03/2026 16:03

I haven't seen one for weeks.
I went to asda last Monday. Asked an assistant whether there were any avocado in the warehouse.
Person said no. They're flown in from Israel.
A man standing next to assistant Person daily it's a good job.

So I have to now add to the portfolio that they are politically controversial.

That is typical of avocados.

OP posts:

Mydogisagentleman · 06/03/2026 16:03

I haven't seen one for weeks.
I went to asda last Monday. Asked an assistant whether there were any avocado in the warehouse.
Person said no. They're flown in from Israel.
A man standing next to assistant Person daily it's a good job.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 06/03/2026 15:59

likelysuspect · 02/03/2026 20:10

Look ripe. Feel ripe.

Not ripe

Five minutes later. Over ripe.

I once bought a birthday card that said ‘One Day Older Only Matters If You’re An Avocado.’ 🥑 😂

Original poster

likelysuspect · 06/03/2026 15:54

almondflake · 06/03/2026 15:18

@Bunniemalonedefinitely kiwis, I’ve loved them for years now all of a sudden they have an added ingredient that blisters my mouth and lips so I’m now allergic to them 🤬

Oh Ive always had this with kiwis, what is that? I dont get full blisters but severe irritation.

OP posts:

almondflake · 06/03/2026 15:18

@Bunniemalonedefinitely kiwis, I’ve loved them for years now all of a sudden they have an added ingredient that blisters my mouth and lips so I’m now allergic to them 🤬

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 05/03/2026 17:55

Avocado roulette. Fuckers.