To change school for friendships

FYI I would have moved her but she didn’t want to move. I don’t think it would be a disaster if you did decide to move her. Depends how bad things are at her current t school

Was in this position myself and considered moving dd. Decided not to and basically threw everything at trying to make things better for her at school. So I did lots of play dates etc, had to grit my teeth a lot as I didn’t like most of the girls but it was just about getting through it and trying to come out with a child that had a decent school experience. I also made a nuisance of myself at school- had to go in quite a bit to damage control certain situations. School were in the habit of allowing the kids to do pair and group work, picking partners themselves and dd would often get left out. I told the teachers they should be planning their groups. School trips were also an issue so I would email in advance of these to ensure she had someone to sit with on the coach etc. It was hard. Things seem better now at secondary where she’s found girls more on her wave length

If your child is unhappy it is worth it. I think it's a conversation otherwise with your child if you've exhausted all other alternatives.

I made the move. The dynamics you mentioned were a 50% contribution towards the move. But I did this in yr 2 and there were some serious other causes for concern.

It's worked well! I'd your child confident with change?

They’re adult vocabulary but they describe the disruptive behaviour accurately. Children love phrases like, “If you don’t…I will…” because it’s all they have to control situations. They tell tales because they want others to solve their problems. Somewhere there will be a MNer complaining about their child’s stable friendship being upended by another girl trying to usurp her.

Your job is to give your daughter tools to mend these friendship problems sensibly without your intervention, and certainly nothing as drastic as taking her out of school.

Make more of an effort to socialise with the other parents (not banter on Whatsapp, because that’s not something she can see for herself), and set up some activity playdates with new kids. Take it slowly so the friendships develop through shared interests and goals. It’s not dissimilar to dating - take your time and get to know others properly. Respect their boundaries. Reciprocate their efforts. Choose people who choose you.

Came here to say this.
Part of tjis is the changes that start around end year 4 and beginning year 5. Kids and their relationships shift and you get this Queen Bee thing starting and the equivalent in boys. I had this with both my kids and I know other parents whose kids were going through this at the same time as mine.
my son moved class (although I considered a school move) and it did help.
With my daughter we did loads of play dates, with my son I did far fewer. Didn’t seem to make much difference to this happening. I will say that my daughter went through a huge friendship fracture at the end of year 4/5. She made new friends in junior and one of those friends remains her best friend even though they went to different secondary schools.
It‘s horrible; but this too shall pass.

Could she change to other class in year 6? I’d let her visit local schools and have a look then let her choose

@Catherine468 why wouldn't you let her move.

No chance would i risk it the new school could be worse

If my child was desperate to move and old enough to be aware of the risk yes then it is up to them but no way would I make the decision for them

I’d move her. I should have moved my eldest for year 6, and she spent the year unhappy because I didn’t and friendships were not working out.

Ask if she wants to move or stick it out.

She’s got a massive school move in a few years which will create the same opportunity for new friendships.

No I don’t think so. Children in year 5 at any school will have well established long standing friendships she would struggle to integrate

I honestly wouldn't unless she is actively unhappy. If she's always been at this school she's had 5 years to form good friendships already and hasn't, so I doubt she will in the time at a new primary school. It's 18 months. Taking out holidays that's 9 months. 9 months to form good friendships is an enormous ask, especially for someone who sounds like she's not formed lasting friendships over 5 years.

But there are other girls in her class. It’s not these two or no one.

I’m in the same position op. 9 year old but in year 4. Iv tried play dates, literally never reciprocated and lots of tears about not being allowed to play at playtime.

I work full time, I try my best but I’m clearly an outsider and my daughter has suffered as a result.

Tried clubs but now considering a school move. It’s heartbreaking not being able to help.

If your daughter is having problems being the third girl to an established pair, what makes you think she will feel more comfortable starting afresh in a school year in which the pairs are also established, and complete strangers to boot?

You need to teach your daughter how to make friends and keep them. It’s an essential life skill.

When you wrote you hadn’t made such an effort with the parents as you did with the parents of your older child, at least one of the problems became really obvious. Remedy that now.

Also, why is your DD fixating on a friendship pair who are already so closely bonded? She needs to look elsewhere, not guilt trip or coerce them into befriending her.

Yeah - in response to the poster who said ‘just move her’ I’d offer the opposite advice! We moved dd in year 5 because she just hadn’t found her tribe and it was out the frying pan into the fire!….new school was far worse: established friendships since reception and Mum’s completely not interested (I offered play dates, tried really hard to be friendly but nothing broke the ice). It’s only 18 months till secondary…I’d stay put!!

I also know a girl who had friendship problems around year 5 moved schools and never looked back.

Friend moved her child but did 2:3 taster days at the new school to get a feel
for the cultural fit. Would that work form your daughter?