Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

Use Skype with the relatives. Organise coffee over Skype.

I live 500 miles from my parents
We visit 3 or 4 times a year
Both kids were flying at 6 weeks and now they're older we tend to go by train which is 9 hours door to door but cheaper than flying and then trains due to lack of direct flights and still preferable to driving.

I was the one to move so keen to get back to other friends and family too which we would achieve if they came here.

I know if I couldn't travel my parents would visit and theyd stay in hotels to be able to see the kids

There's no right or wrong way to do this

Very selfish and entitled of them to think you should make the journey to visit them. It should be them visiting unless they’re so elderly and fragile they are unable to travel

Are you still on mat leave? If so, I would go now as you can go mid week for a couple of days and stay with them?. I know you don't like trains- but I'm guessing much much easier than car. If you were staying a week, you could maybe hire a car there? Or maybe parents would let you use theirs?

"Are the elderly grandfolk not fit for a long car journey? Oh dear, neither is the baby."

Edited to include both old folks.

Like fuck would I do a 6 hour trip with a baby on a regular basis just to visit someone.
Once or twice a year, max. And not till the kid was older.

My mum just moved to north east. Literally at the same time as you when my daughter was born. When I visit I fly my daughter sits on my lap so she is free at the minute.

I’d probably visit them once a year, invite them to see you a couple of times a year if they stay somewhere else and suggest a half way meet up once a year too and then try and not give it too much head space.

I’m being told my elderly grandmother is missing out on my child and that SM’s ailing father may never meet her etc

Well I suppose that if grandmother and SM's father have always lived in the NE then that would be the case whether your dad and SM were in the NE or still in the south. But what dad and SM need to remember is that they moved six hours away from their family (their parents) many years ago. How much were they thinking of that when they moved? How often did they go visiting (bearing in mind that they didn't even have a baby to consider)?

They can try to make you feel guilty. Its up to you whether they succeed.

If they were that bothered about either of those things they wouldn’t have put the kibosh on your suggestion of flying.

i would tell them that you’d make the trip by flight, as you suggested, or if that isn’t suitable to them it’ll be when the baby is a good bit older as the drive is too much atm.

I could have written this. My feelings are they decided to move 6 hrs away and this is the consequence. I've been guilted over it recently but I have disabled kids and it's just not possible so tough shit.

@Juniperberry2025 You don't want to do it, you especially don't want to do it with a tiny that doesn't even like to travel, you are absolutely reasonable saying no.

It's rubbish that they are taking advantage of your good nature, have you even met step grandfather? When was the last time you saw your grandmother?

Nowadays, there are a huge number of ways great/grandparents can stay in contact with access to zoom etc

Say no, deal with the fall-out, the first time may be tricky but if you do that now, and mean it, they'll know you can't be bullied into visiting on their terms

Is it your Dad trying to pressurise?

Have courage, it really will serve you well @Juniperberry2025

They moved. They want to see the baby.

They make the effort.

Also sorry but step mum can shhh. Tell your dad quite clearly you’d love to see him
More but you just cannot do that travel with the little one and that your fed up with step mum keep moaning about it and moaning about her father not seeing baby.

Yanbu.

"The baby is too young. We wont be considering a journey of thst length until they are at least 3"
"No that just isnt practical"

Id agree to meet them halfway in summer one weekend 2.5/3 for you and 3/3.5 for them.
All meet up at blah blah castle / oh so fancy estate and have a look at the grounds and some lunch...
That would be the most I'd bother with.

If they are so scared great aunt fanny might die before seeing the baby do a Video Call or 2....

Does SM’s ailing father actually care???? I cannot imagine he considers you a beloved GC but maybe I am wrong....?

I think it'd be a trip I'd be doing once a year at most - Christmas time or whenever DP has time off to make a proper family trip to see them.

A 6 hour drive alone with an 8 month old would probably be horrendous and would take way longer than 6 hours! I'm a confident driver and I would not be up for that at all. Three hours however, not so bad - I'm wondering if there is a middle point where you could meet up? Stay overnight together somewhere perhaps - though will depend on finances too.

If they want to build a relationship with their DGC and see you fairly often then I'm afraid they are, certainly for the next couple of years or so, have to make the effort to visit you and stay in a hotel.

YANBU

"There is a lot of emotional blackmail going on" nip it in the bud @Juniperberry2025

Don't be guilt tripped, I know that's easier said than done though.

My mum moans I don’t visit her often enough. She moved abroad and return plane tickets for 4 of us is at least £400. Then there’s car hire, airport parking, cost of food and snack in the airport and on the plane etc. my mum thinks because she is feeding us and we aren’t paying bills at home that it will all even out. It doesn’t! Has anyone ever gone on holiday and seen cheaper bills!

She doesn’t like coming back to the UK because it means getting trains and she is worried about falling over on train platforms. She’s not elderly, she’s 65 and has no mobility problems, she’s just turned into a nervous Nelly. Which is sad but I’m not spending around £1000 I don’t have to just because she may or may not fall over.

I’m moving 2 hours away soon so only a third of the distance your dad and stepmother has moved away but I’ve told friends with small babies I don’t expect them to come and visit until their kids are a bit older etc and said I’m the one moving so I’ll pop back and see them as and when.

I wouldn’t personally be so keen to take a baby 6 hours drive away. We’ve done flights and Eurostar with young babies once a year but I wouldn’t be up for travelling often.

They have to remember they are the ones that chose to move away, maybe say you’ll get a plane up when little one is about 18 months onwards once a year to visit. But I’d expect them to make most of the effort

This.

Where do they stay OP when they visit?

@OhDear111 not good enough for step mother apparently.

This now, is absolutely the time to set your boundaries going forward @Juniperberry2025

Your first "no" may be difficult but unless you are firm from the outset, you will be twisting yourself in knots, trying to appease for time immemorial.

Do not do that to yourself and your wee family. Be brave

Well it’s OP’s father who also moved so let’s not put all the responsibility on the step mum.

They moved. They shouldn't be guilting you like this. They need to live with their choices, and respect yours ( and the child's tolerance for travel).