Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

We were the ones who moved. We've taken the baby back once, when he was 9 months, over Christmas. Our family bend over backwards to make it easy, picking us up from the airport and are more than happy to do everything on baby time. We certainly didn't drag round relatives. The elderly relatives are ultimately your dad's fault, since he had his family so far away.

A 9 hour drive with frequent stops would take me about 12 hours and I wouldn't be able to walk the next day! My legs start to seize up after 2 hours.

A 6 hour drive is too much, with or without a baby. I'd go by train if possible. Could you meet them halfway for a day? Still a long drive but more viable.

My mum lives 4 hours drive away from me, always has done.

like hell would I be doing the drive, or going on the train.
if it’s the north east there are regular fast good trains down to London and they can get a hotel. They can do the travelling.

ignore the emotional blackmail (I know it’s hard)

I lived nearly that far from my parents and a little further from my in laws when my first was born. We travelled more when i was on maternity leave than when i was back working. We did make sure we normally had at least 4 days, 3 nights to go to make it more worthwhile- maybe I was lucky my partner was happy to come and he’d do the driving. Once baby wasn’t tiny and needing feeding every couple of hours we always went after 6pm so baby mainly sleeping for the journey. I get it’s different as they have moved but going just sometimes feels reasonable.

There are so many solutions to this. Fly, go on a weekend when DH isn't working so you can share driving, do a stopover, meet halfway. Are you sure this isn't a punishment for them moving back to their hometown? You've already admitted to being resentful and upset about their move. There is going to have to be a bit of give and take here. When do you envisage baby being old enough to travel?

YANBU to not make that journey often but it sounds like there’s more family up there than just your dad/SM (which may have been the driver for their move?), so if you haven’t visited once yet for the older generation to meet the baby then I think you are being a bit awkward.

I am nearly 9 hours from my family and did have to travel that distance for a close members funeral with a 3 month old. Frequent stops (doesn’t require an overnight though!), maybe your partner can take some time off to facilitate this trip particularly if there is a time dependent element

There's types of travel though. Or maybe you got lucky with an easy baby for that.

I've taken six kids from baby up on long haul travel and it was fine. They didn't mind the long flights. They were fine for the shorter trips between locations. It was all so much easier than the younger ones on just a two hour drive, let alone a six hour one. Some babies just aren't good for long drives. They're quite different from a flight where you can still interact with them and they have more freedom to wiggle around. Also quite different from back packing or other travel where they have interesting things to see around them and changes of place regularly. Driving with babies has always been the worst for us.

I do think on reflection you are being a bit precious. We took our 7 month away to Samoa Tonga and NZ backpacking for 3 months. It was fine. Parents today are totally neurotic about not disturbing the baby. It’s a damn sight easier to travel with an 8 month old that a 2 year old!

Yanbu and don’t have to visit but if you don’t like them visiting you’re going to have to accept you’re not going to see them a lot (people will suggest eg hotels/ air bnb but in real life those of us who have to visit people can’t really afford the costs now, it turns it into the cost of a holiday or meand you can only stay one night)

My brother-in-law is a bit like this; he moved to the US and moans that his family siblings (all with young kids), don't visit him (sans kids) as often as he'd like. It's ridiculous, in the same way it's ridiculous for your parents to expect you to schlep 6 hours each way just because they fancied a change.

Agree. Presumably OP discussed having children at some point, yet the parents still chose to move back to the north east. So it's on them I'm afraid.

Did they move back to the NE for financial reasons and to look after parents?

Id fly. I use to do the drive from SE to NE every weekend, wouldnt fancy it with a baby. Flight much easier. You can hire a car at the other end if they wont pick you up.

Facetime, and maybe plan a visit in the summer when you can both take her.

I moved to the UK from another country decades ago.
Although I moved, and I am the one that goes home more, but I can’t be the only one to carry and maintain all relationships. People are allowed to move without being punished!

However, it is different when you have small kids

So they wouldn't even come pick you up from the airport?!

I'd emotionally blackmail them back, " oh no, I couldn't do a 6hr drive by myself with baby so young, isn't good for baby at this age and you wouldn't want me to have an accident because I was distracted by baby crying on such a long journey. "

I don't think it matters who chose to move. With very young children, I wouldn't be expecting anyone to make that kind of journey. Mine are older now but I remember how hard even going two hours away was when they were small. They can travel to you for now.

They chose to move, it’s their problem. A 6 hour drive with an 8 month old would be hell. Don’t even entertain it.

Oh, and I certainly wouldn't paying for any hotel! Maternity pay is peanuts!

They moved, they do.the slog. I, too, live in the south and have family in the NE. I am a confident driver but christ, the drive is a bastard. Used to take maybe four hours, now definitely looking at closer to six.

Don't listen to.the guilt, it's bollocks. They created the situation, they can deal with it.

And if your dad can run ultra marathons, he certainly can do.the driving.

It’s up to them to visit you as you have a baby and it’s so much more difficult for you to visit them. They also chose to move away so again it’s them who should be prepared to do most of the travelling. I would definitely not travel on a train or in a car for 6 hours to visit them. Surely they can appreciate how much harder it would be for you.

I would visit them, you could even agree to come in a couple of months or so time eg when he is closer to 1. I went to a wedding 8+ hrs away with my DS when he was 8 months. We made a holiday of it and went camping (there was two of us to share driving tho). It is good to get them used to travelling when they are still young I think, rather than attempt for the first time in the tricky toddler stages. we lived 6hrs away from my grandparents (actually much more for my first 3 years) so I have been very comfortable on very long car journeys my whole life and I’m grateful for that skill now.

My tip is leave late afternoon. Stop after about 2 hrs for a long stop, have dinner etc get baby into night things and do milk and whatever parts of bedtime you can recreate in a service station. Plan ahead and pick the nicest one you can also!

Then try and settle baby in the car seat close to their usual bedtime and hopefully they will mostly sleep as it gets dark.

i think it’s advised to stop every two hours and get baby out of car seat for a stretch/move about.

And I should say this is only if you are confident driving at night on your own, not excessively tired already etc. if not, then you could say you can only visit when your OH is available to come too.