Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

I think train with rucksack, sling and umbrella fold buggy is fine but for journeys I actually want to do, not journeys someone is trying to emotionally blackmail me into.

PP is right though, the only way your grandmother gets to meet the baby is if you take her. I would wait and go when your husband can go with I think, if your dad gives a flat out no to a direct request to pick you up from the airport.

I love that they won’t even deign to collect you from the airport if you fly up! Just tell them no. Sometimes people need to hear no. Were you a bit of a people pleaser before you had your baby (I know I was!)? If so it can be really hard pushing back once people bring out the guilt trips post-baby but it’s really important you establish early on that you are the one in control of your and your babies lives and routine. If it means that much to them they will either wait until you are ready or come down and see you.

I think grandparents can bring something extra, different and special to a child's life.

However, their grandchild being so young, once at walking/talking stage and onwards, as long as you are visiting then (and vice-versa), I think that is something you should do.

Seeing life outside the south of England from time to time as your child grows up will be no bad thing either. Far too many people only think of the UK in London/South East terms.

You are being completely ridiculous not to take the train - train travel is so, so much less stressful than long drives or flights with a baby.

It's fine to expect your father and stepmother to travel to you but if you want your grandmother to see your daughter, you need to travel back up north at least once.

We did 8 hour car journeys when the babies were about 6 months because it was the only way of seeing some relatives who all lived within 10 miles of one another.

Babies are very portable.

You could fly with the car seat. If this were just about seeing them you could hire a car for the last hour but I suspect you are right that this is more about power and them having decided it is "your turn", and you are quite sensibly pushing back on that.

Depending how keen you are to see them, you could try asking them outright if they would pick you up from the airport. There is a humongous difference between an hour with your mum sat in the back with you and six hours with the only adult driving. But you know that.

Nope, 6 hours in the car is far too long for a baby, or a toddler or any child. It’s on them to come to you. They chose to move away and it’s a shit load easier for 2 adults to travel
than it is for anyone to travel with a child.

I travelled from south to north with my children and I bloody wish I didn’t.

we used to do a 4-5 hour drive with our children but we’d set off in the evening so they’d sleep in the car. Then spend several days out of their environment without their toys etc. and it’s not like being on holiday because on holiday you are doing things often centered around your child and not centered around 2 old people who can’t see that travelling to you is so much easier.

I’d take your own car seat on the flight. Order nappies, wipes etc to be delivered to theirs so you’ve got less to carry. Tell them that if they want you to come, this is how you’re going to do it. Ball is in their court.

Don’t feel guilty. One of their primary considerations when deciding to move so far away should have been not seeing family much, including future grandchildren. You owe them nothing when this was their choice, life is hard enough trying to juggle a baby with everything else without adding in 12-hour round trips.

Put your foot down and set out your non-negotiable boundaries clearly. The only way you will visit them is if they pick you up from the airport. You will not be driving under any circumstances. You will not be made to feel guilty because of their choices, so they either accept your terms or you won’t be discussing visits any further. Then make sure you stick to it and don’t be drawn into further conversations.

Why won't they get you from the airport? And do they have a car seat in their car? And would they pay for your parking and flight?

OP so if you decided to fly and texted you DDad beforehand check if he’d pick you up from the airport he’d say no?

I wouldn’t hold a grudge against them moving away but no chance I’d be travelling 6hs to see them regularly with a baby/small child. When the child is older and easier to occupy, perhaps more - but at this age it’s pretty much all on them

travelling with a baby is a right faff- Yanbu. They moved

flying sounds quicker but not necessarily easier as babies need a lot of “stuff” (well, mine did, and I recall literally filling the car when on a one night trip to my parents’ house)

that said I’d probably make the effort once a year or so. More than that, they should come to you.

ETA- not offering to pick you up from the airport is poor.

just wondering why you seem to be blaming the stepmum here for moving away. What about the father who also chose to move away? Also, not the point of the thread.

No, it’s wouldn’t be visiting with a baby that age. You’d have to do so many stops to make the car journey safe for baby, and it would take forever. Even once baby is bigger it’s not a journey I’d do more than once a year.
Could you suggest renting a place at a mid-way point?

I drove my DC long distances a lot when they were young. A 4 hours drive that often became longer.

YANBU - absolutely ridiculous they are trying to dictate you can’t fly up. 6 hours drive plus needing to stop, no way.

It is very possible to drive that far with a baby if you have two drivers. However, the attitude with not wanting to pick you up from the airport would annoy me.

Where is your Mum? Don’t you have her nearby? It sounds like your parents separated & your Dad then started a relationship with someone from back home. Does step Mum have grandchildren? I would imagine that she would prioritise her own over you & your baby.

She is being unreasonable not to meet you at the airport. I think that’s too far to drive. The train might be your best bet & look into railcard for money off.

MIL lives 6 hours away (at best can be 8 of traffic is bad)
She moved away DH grew up in the SE where we now live.
Our 4 DC are now teens young adults but when they were young we did visit once or twice a year. Babies are more transportable than toddlers ime.
However i wouldnt do the journey by myself both me snd DH went together so we could share driving and chilcare. Defintely wouldnt to do it by myself. We used to visit over bank holidays , usually Easter and between xmas and year. But never travel on a BH monday, add a days leave to avoid.
MIL has downsized and can no longer put us up, DC are older , we go once a year as now need to pay for an airbnb as well as petrol , service station stops, cattery/ pet sitting etc so it is expensive to visit her

As that's the case, they can visit you.

In that case the next time they bring it up keep repeating I’m happy to fly to see you with baby but unfortunately you aren’t prepared to pick me up from the airport. Say this every time they mention not seeing you.

The OP says they moved just before she fell pregnant. Should they have just stayed in a place they didn’t want to live just on the off chance the OP had a child in the future?
We have multiple children, and live where they were all raised, but they now live in various places ranging from 5 miles to nearly 300 miles away, we can’t live by them all.

In that case you’re definitely right not to go if the can’t even be bothered to collect you from the airport an hour away!