Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

I do a similar journey to another far-flung part of the country and find that flying is the easiest way for a solo trip. The main advantage is that you don’t arrive tired, whereas you would be exhausted after a six-hour solo drive. Plus you are probably having dickey sleep anyway. Not entirely safe driving like that, all things considered.

I say: put the ball back in their court and book return flights to visit them. Buy a lightweight pushchair which is compatible with your car seat and take both it and the car seat in the hold. Tell them the dates and say that you are ‘not sure’ how you will make the final leg of the journey but you are really looking forward to seeing them…

I think you will find that your Dad will suddenly have a change of heart and you will find him there at arrivals.

No one who genuinely wants to be around for their grandchildren moves 8 hours away.
Its ok if they don't widh to be, but do not guilt people to spend hours to travel to visit you, with said grandchildren.

I think moving far away and expecting regular visits and support, whenever you pick up the phone from children whom themselves now have very young children, is delusional.

I have several friends whose parents did it in their 60's, lost huge money on the move, and tried to make out their children were selfish not to be travelling to see them every other weekend when they found living in a stunningly beautiful remote spot in winter was a bit isolating to say the least.

One friends relationship with her parents never quite recovered as they were relentless in their guilting.
They had begged them to rent before buying, but when the dream coastal property popped up, they just bought it.

Most young parents working with young children do not want the effort of packing up regularly with them, after a busy week at work.

I simply wouldn't entertain it.

If I wanted to see my family I’d do the travelling and have done since dc was 3 months old. But if you don’t want to then don’t be made to feel guilty.

You know what? Let them blame you. Let them tell themselves and everyone around them that you're the one being difficult. If that's the story they've decided to tell themselves you can't make them believe otherwise anyway. You get to decide who pushes your buttons.

After years of dealing with this I've learned the hard way that we can survive if others need to paint us as the bad guy. Let them.

Do you make arrangements directly with your DDad?

I wonder how many people who couldn’t possibly travel are happy to go on holiday to Spain or wherever with their babies? Travelling with babies and small children is possible and normal and people do it everyday.

Travelling with kids is tricky, but it’s also exciting and interesting and builds their resilience and yours. If the destination is worth the hassle. I’ve travelled from Scotland to London (and then round London for 2 days sightseeing) with an 18m old and a 6yr old by myself. We literally used every form of transport going - bus, plane, taxi, train, tube, DLR. Sling is a must, even if you have a buggy with you - same for flying. I found people extremely helpful, both transport staff and random passers by.

OP, I’m not sure this is really about the travel? There are solutions for that if you actually want to see them. Do you actually want to see them? It’s fair enough if you don’t. If you actually just don’t want to see them that much then you need to just set your boundaries and stick to them. No need to over explain.

A 6 hours journey wouldn’t keep me away from my parents, but that’s because I actually want to see them, so I’m prepared to put up with the stress, and also because they would do their part to make it easier (like buying/borrowing baby equipment so I didn’t have to transport it or picking up from airport/station).

You are clearly frustrated with the fact they are making demands but not prepared to listen to what you are saying to them. I’d concentrate on trying to discuss this with them - why aren’t they willing to pick you up from the airport for example?!? And if they remain stubborn and making demands (ie setting their boundary) I’d explain that you respect their position but communicate what you are and aren’t willing to do, and draw the line. You can even say you will review once baby is a toddler. But for now the ball then is in their court.

Honestly, @Juniperberry2025 they are fine with not seeing you often. Whatever they are saying in words, their behaviour is making it clear that they are not that interested in you or your baby. I'm speaking as someone who's mother retired abroad when my kids were v young. She made such a bloody fuss about visiting and being a grandmother, talking about how it would be wonderful and the kids could go and stay for weeks at a time every single school holiday. In reality, i only went once. I spent £££ on flights and she was awful to us the whole time, visibly annoyed by the disruption to her drinking time routine, complaining constantly about the children, who she mostly ignored anyway. I came home exhausted and upset and didn't go again.

It's still a massive taboo to admit that you're not interested in your grandchildren and don't really want to make any effort to develop a relationship with them. I think a lot of people can't even admit it to themselves let alone anyone else. They say they're bothered but then their actions don't back it up. If your parents wanted to see you, they would pick you up from the airport. What they're doing g means they can blame you when their friends ask why they don't see the grand kids.

If they wanted to, they would.

@Juniperberry2025 so she moved down briefly to the south & then convinced your Dad to go back up there because she wants to be up there. It sounds like she’s the one calling the shots. Honestly your Dad could just come down on his own to see you all. That would be far easier than you taking a baby up there. I think if they would pick you up at the airport that would help. I don’t think step mum has your best interests at heart.

They sound ridiculously control. I would tell them you can either fly (you should be able to take a car seat with you but I would tell them they need to buy one tbh) if you can afford else they will have to wait until you and DH go on holiday and you will combine it with a day visit to them.

It's on them to travel.

My DHs dad and step-mum did the same thing. My DH is one of 4 kids, and none of them live any further north than Nottingham. Step-mum doesn't have any bio kids. Yet dad and step-mum have moved to the far north of the Scottish highlands. Absolutely batshit. Neither had any ties to the area. They were both born and bought up in Berkshire for crying out loud.

As one, all the kids pretty much shrugged and said, "on your heads be it." There's nothing that any of them can offer from an 8 hour car ride away.

They've been up there about 4 years now. We've seen them twice. None of the grandkids have any sort of significant relationship with them. Our two kids are the oldest grandchildren, and were 4 when they moved away, but hadn't seen much of them before that.

Train journeys are actually easier than car with a wee one as you can move about.
Especially if they’re in an infant style car seat as it fits nicely on the seat so you can put them down for a minute or they can nap. I always chose train with mine (especially the twins) as it was easier - you can organise passenger assistance and other passengers are always helpful.

That said, if your Dad isn’t even willing to pick you up at the other end and they expect you to do it all solo I wouldn’t be keen either.

Spot on x

Same. None of us would ever move away from each other. Sister, sons, niece, DIL. I know of a son that moved 1000 miles away from family and childhood friends. His wife moans no one goes to visit them. They had a choice and now they’re blaming others. Crack on.

Absolutely not.
I actually wouldn't entertain this for a minute.
No one can force you to feel guilt.
You have a choice to take it on.
Don't.

They moved.
Their choice.
Your baby.
Your choice not to do that journey.
I wouldn't dream of putting myself or my baby through such a journey.
Mute their calls and texts if needs be.

TBH at that distance I’d probably go once a year. Let them come to you, and if you don’t really have enough room, let them stay at a Premier Inn. My Dsis and BiL invariably stay at the local P Inn when visiting their son, DiL, and Gdcs. Added advantage for them, is P&Q in the early morning and during breakfast!

I wouldn't be making that journey with a baby, like, ever, let alone on a regular basis. Your parents chose to move. If they want to see you and the baby, they need to come to where you are.

I remember taking a train with my toddler, with buggy, sling and rucksack, struggling to get on the train unaided, and losing my flip flop (it was summer) down the gap whilst trying to get on. Not fun. When DS got a bit older, then train travel was fine. Especially sleeper trains up to Scotland.

Flying is easy, but if they cba to even collect you, baby and paraphernalia from the airport, then sod that.

I also remember one awful car journey from Edinburgh airport to the Highlands. DS was teething and screaming the whole way. It took ages, as DH got very stressed and kept stopping, whilst I was singing the whole way trying to calm DS down. That was with two of us. I can’t imagine what it would have been like doing that car journey solo.

They’re in their 50s! Younger than me!

I wouldn't with a bloody 11 year old. Or even without kids!

They moved. It's difficult to travel that far often.

That's the reality.

If they want to see you more often they are capable of travelling and staying in a hotel.

Dear God your dad and stepmum sound like a pair of selfish fuckers! It's all 'I want I want' and 'I won't I won't' from them.

They moved. It's therefore their problem to solve, not yours.

As for "I’m being told my elderly grandmother is missing out on my child and that SM’s ailing father may never meet her etc" - I'd be ticking them off for that. My response would be along the lines of 'Really? Admit it to yourselves if not to me, this is nothing to do with Gran and your father and everything to do with you not willing to accept that you moved 6 hours away and not seeing much of me and mine is the natural consequence. Own your choices.'

You are not responsible for your dad and stepmum, not are you responsible TO them. You are however responsible for and to your child, and your dad and stepmum can just suck it up. Consequences!

Edited to add: I moved 6 hours away from my home town in my 20s for work, and had DS in my 30s still 6 hours away, so this is not a completely unknown setup for me.

A car seat, a sling and a rucksack? Yes, I did it frequently, and for babies 2 and 3, I did it with toddlers in tow.

You can pre-book passenger assistance as well, which helps when changing trains.

Babies are rarely "screaming" on trains - mine all liked the movement and fell asleep. Even if they do cry, they settle and other people cope just fine.

More likely to "scream" on a plane anyway as the air pressure changes can really hurt their ears and they don't know how to pop them.

Approach it positively and honestly, the train is the most stressful free method of travel with young kids.

This. They visit. Say this too them, parents I want to see you more but I have a job and a baby and you don’t - please come and visit!

Ps - all of my family is from the north and I live down south so I know that it can feel like a loooong journey, particularly if you are driving. I’ve never actually done a solo drive up north and I have two DC now! I also adore all of my family but the practicalities of travel, especially when my DC were under 3, was a bit of a pain. I promise it gets a lot easier the older they get. I took DC1 on the train on their own with me when they were 18 months, it was definitely doable, so it unlikely won’t be that long before you’ll feel comfortable going on the train on your own, or even flying.