Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

Why have you got to go hundreds of miles away? (When your mortgage ends?)

YANBU. If anyone chooses to move 100s of miles away (or 1000s) from the people/area they grew up in, then the onus is on THEM to visit. I know some will disagree, but this is how I feel. If either of my adult DC moved 100s of miles away - a 6 hour drive, (12 hour round trip,) I'm afraid I wouldn't be visiting. (OK, maybe once a year tops...) Too old and weary to bother. They'd have to visit me.

Luckily they both live 18-20 miles away. (THEIR choice). I have never told them I wouldn't visit (hardly) if they moved far away, but I really wouldn't be faffed with all the bloody travelling! It's exhausting. If they moved 1000s of miles away, I doubt I would visit at all. They'd have to come to me. DH feels the same.

Im a gran i love my kids unfortunately in a few months my mortgage is ending and i have to find a lot of money my only option is to go hundreds of miles away im dreading it but the mortgage has to be paid and i cant live on the streets. Its easy to judge if your nice and comfortable

I think yanbu to not visit. Uts a long way with a young baby. If you love your family though I'd have thought you'd go and see you DGM and dad once a year. You sound like you don't expect to travel to see them at all.

I agree.
I do an 90 at most.
I don't like car journeys and I certainly wouldn't inflict it on a baby or myself to do alone.
Not a chance.

The emphasis should be on them coming to you more often than not - and staying in a hotel.

But when you go to them you should
fly and they can collect you from the airport. Allowing you to sit in the back with the baby and look after them.

You obviously shouldn’t be driving 6 hours plus alone with the baby. you need to stop every couple of hours and it would be a nightmare.

they sound very selfish.

I think maybe the post above is saying that it becomes even harder once you are back at work and you are using up precious annual leave to make these trips! Although some things do also get easier with the passing of time such as being able to use a lighter-weight pushchair rather than a pram and them being able to amuse themselves, even a little bit, en-route.

My vote is for booking flights and putting the ball in their court with regards to picking you up.

I wouldn't regularly travel for SIX HOURS to a random part of the UK even without a baby. I would do it for a one off holiday like Scotland, somewhere nice, but not for just a family visit because they moved away. Fuck that.

I can't understand why they wouldn't want to collect you from the airport!

If they can't be bothered to get you from the airport then l would not bother to go, it's up to them

Try the train, it worked for us? Meet in the middle of they are willing? If not, make your excuses and wait until you are all able to travel together.

have you not gone on holiday or intend to go on one?

what’s the plan when you go back to work? My daughter is 11 months old hates the car seat and the buggy too! My parents live an 11 hour flight away so o do take her to them every 6 months or so! I won’t be going back to work full time until she starts at preschool at 3 so rather than have them travel I go to them. She doesn’t know any better and has a wonderful time when she gets to them. Very perplexed to has to why their swimming pool isn’t indoors! :) so won’t go in it.

My reaction too. It’s a tricky one.
I might leave it for a few weeks at least. And I say that as a committed granny who longs to see her grandchildren.

Trains are easier because you can hold the baby. Most babies don't like cars because they can't see the parent.

I’d just say we will make the trip down when the baby is older and car journey would be more manageable. Until then you are welcome to visit and we can face time regularly

Can they have some stuff at their place eg a light weight buggy. car seat? That would make it much easier to visit them.

I used to do the train with my baby but didn’t take much with me, had stuff at the DGP. Train much better than flying!

It doesn’t matter how other people traveled by train or whatever if op doesn’t want to for whatever reason that’s upto her.

I am not travelling 6 hours for anything other than a holiday. Especially to people demanding I must visit the after they moved that far away, baby or no baby.

Also off dynamic of the step mum being the ex before ops mum but then the current wife and making demands on op about how her own father needs to see ops baby. Wonder why they never had children together before or after, or even how long dad was with mum…. Maybe I’m cynical. But that’s off topic.

My in laws moved a 3 hour drive away so not nearly as far but they are insistent that we visit them rather than them visiting us or meeting halfway and it is hard.

They used to live near us (where DH grew up) and we fully support their retirement move to live somewhere much quieter and cheaper but they won’t take any responsibility for the consequence of their decision being that they see less of their son and grandchildren than they would like to.

It is frustrating but we’ve just had to become resilient to their comments - we visit them when we can and always go over the Christmas period.

A six hour drive with a baby (or even an older child) is a lot so you are not being unreasonable.

I’m did travel about 5 hours with DS when he was a similar age down to south wales from Yorkshire and it was hard. We had to stop a lot for breaks, to feed and change him and just so he wasn’t trapped in a car seat for hours. I wouldn’t recommend it personally but once your DC turns one it will get a little bit easier. Maybe arrange a nice holiday up there over summer, if it’s near the coast it could be especially lovely.

This!

Having seen your further posts. Your dad is young & fit. If they want to have a relationship with baby, then they visit between now & summer. If not you will see how it pans out then.
please say this
”I am not driving 6 hours alone with a screaming baby. It ends there”.

How often do you talk to them? Is the guilting in person, via email, something else?

Come up with a standard response for each medium and repeat ad nauseum. Make sure you really mean it. "I'm happy to come to you if you pick me up at the airport" or "I can't drive right now but you're welcome here any time" - if those are true.

Then drop the rope. They don't want to put in the effort and you're going to be the bad guy no matter what, so be the bad guy in the easiest way for you.

Edited for typo

Not sure how you arrive at ‘trains are easier’. Trying to get pram,luggage, baby, and all its paraphernalia on and off trains (probably up and down stairs) cannot possibly easier than chucking it all in a car. Plus if it’s the noise and motion of the car that upsets babe there is a good chance of the same problems on a train with the additional benefit of a number of other people to annoy! Put your boundaries in place and get those zoom calls going so they can’t guilt trip you

DM lived 6 hours away until relatively recently. We both moved away from where I grew up, but in opposite directions! I always used to say that the one thing that could most improve my life was living closer to DM (DDad died 30 years ago, and DM never remarried).

DM and I did used to take turns in travelling to each other for a few days. I found travelling in the evening or very early morning quite helpful. For evening journeys I used to take DS swimming in the pm to tire him out! For early mornings, I’d lift him straight out of bed into the car, and we’d stop halfway for breakfast and to get him dressed. This became more difficult with 2 dc and once school kicked in. We got stranded in the SW when dd got chicken pox at DM’s and was very unwell indeed.

DM moved here after the pandemic. I now mostly look after her.