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Original poster

Child not invited to party despite being friendst with the mum

133 replies

dual90 · 27/02/2026 08:03

Recently we’ve become quite friendly with a mum and child who is in the same class as my child, we’ve had a few play dates, I have had them over on a few occasions, in the fact the last one a couple of weeks ago. The children play really nicely together and ok, not best friends at school, but would consider them friendly. However, the mum has been having an incredibly difficult time, and obviously I’m quite aware that this has an impact. But yesterday my child came home from school quite upset that this child had been handing out invites for a themed birthday party and didn’t invite them…I was kind of surprised really, I then said it maybe be because they can only have so many people, but my child then replied, no she was ‘boasting’ that they can have lots of people and even had a space left over but didn’t want to invite her. Now, I don’t think my child is overly upset, but I feel it’s hurt me a little bit as I’ve really tried to be friendly with the mum and be an ear for her during an incredibly difficult time, and what is more odd is that they have invited my child to two previous birthday parties before and we’ve always invited them. I’m aware that now they are 6 the parties are becoming less and I understand the mum may have on this occasion just left the list up to the child, but they’ve invited people that ( according to my child ) that they are normally even friendly with, I suppose I thought there was an unwritten rule that you’d invite people or influence who to invite by who you maybe spend time with, but it’s made me a little upset I know it shouldn’t but I just don’t feel I would have done that to them. I even bumped into the mum yesterday, because my child was upset I just wondered if she would mention anything or say there was a mistake, but seemed to want to change the subject. Yes, I will admit I’m a little hurt, and I know it’s crazy and I’m well aware my child isn’t best friends with the child, but sometimes it feels a little personal. Should I mention this other mum? And please this part of parenting I’m finding quite hard. And no, my child has not been invited to any parties this year so far.

OP posts:
notyetpregnant · 27/02/2026 08:35

If I was the other child’s mum I’d want to know if my child was being mean and rubbing it in another child’s face that they weren’t invited.

I’d be inclined to want to ask the mum if my child has upset theirs given how she was acting towards her at school. I appreciate mentioning this may affect your friendship but at the same time I think is out the friendship on the back burner after this anyway.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2026 08:30

Children make stuff up and play power games.

Party planning is difficult. You want to invite the children yours is friends with. Then you feel you should reciprocate invitations yours has received - but this favours DC with birthdays early in the school year and disadvantages those with summer birthdays. Then you want to include the DC of your own friends - but they’re not necessarily the ones your child likes best. By this time your list is too long and you have to make difficult choices.

Original poster
dual90 · 27/02/2026 08:29

No certainly wouldn’t ask for an invite, anc certainly would be subtle about it

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 27/02/2026 08:17

I wouldn't mention it. I would imagine the child chose the friends and didn't include your child for whatever reason. I remember a year when my son didn't want to invite his long term best friend because he was annoying him at school. I was mortified as I was close friends with the mum and tried to persuade him. He did invite him in the end and they just went back to normal.

Shutuptrevor · 27/02/2026 08:12

They don’t have to invite your child, of course, but you’re not unreasonable to reassess your friendship with the Mum as a result either. It sounds like you’re the one showing all the kindness here.

Hazelnuticecream · 27/02/2026 08:11

I wouldn't take it personally. When DC were v little they didn't have friends as such so if course the children at their parties were my friends' children. When they were 4ish they had some friends but I'd still be inviting my friends' kids (that we would meet up with from time to time not just random). By six though they had more friends and their own ideas as to who they wanted there and the friends kids gradually faded out of parties.

Octavia64 · 27/02/2026 08:09

There isn’t really an unwritten rule that you have to invite the children of the mind you spend time with.

quite apart from anything else the children do not always get on, there’s always lots of posts on here about that exact topic.

not a good idea to ask for an invite.

this sort of stuff happens unfortunately. It is very upsetting (my child wanted to be invited to everything).

Moonnstarz · 27/02/2026 08:06

You don't know the reasons your child hasn't been invited. A 6 year old isn't going to necessarily know/tell the truth. Maybe they were just asked to invite 10 school friends.
I wouldn't go mentioning it to the other mum.