Child not invited to party despite being friendst with the mum

I think 6 year olds can actually be quite horrible to each other but they don’t have the social filter to really get that. it’s possible your children had a minor tiff, party girl refused to invite her and then was mean. I also think paper invitations are a nightmare

Class numbers can make parties quite tricky. I’ve always said to mine that you either do all the girls for example or 3-4 of them. I really don’t like the idea of having a party for 10-12 and excluding 2-4 of the group. This year my own 6 year old wanted to not invite one child and I just wouldn’t let her. I found it easier for my eldest as she had quite a tight friendship group but my youngest is a floater

I get where you’re coming from and I’d be pissed off. It sounds like the mum has been more than happy to use you as a support but hasn’t had the consideration to invite your DC. And as if 6 year olds just get free rein about their parties she whom they’re inviting, without the mum’s input!

That’s for them to manage, though. It really isn’t right at all for children to be giving out invitations in the school playground and for staff to be involved in inviting children.

I think most people are reasonable and understand that their child won’t be invited to everything but it is really rude to invite some to a party and not others in full view of others.

And that’s what you got. This won’t be the last time your child doesn’t get an invitation from someone you thought they would. The thing to focus on is not your feelings about it (you said your kid wasn’t that bothered), but instead use it as an opportunity to help your child develop resilience. Otherwise you get children who grow up disappointed with unrealistic expectations that the world just isn’t going to meet and taking small things very personally. That last bit may sound familiar?

This is quite mad. Play dates aren’t a big deal — I hosted them all the time when I was able to arrange it with working hours, or DH did.A child or children plays at your house for a couple of hours. It’s not as though you gave someone a kidney!

Because it’s a nice thing to do? Normal even. I honestly don’t understand people like you. How anyone with good conscience can sit in someone else’s living room on a play date and then proceed to leave their child out of a party is beyond me.

Yes but not all parents have people's details. And even that can cause upset in groups as you get the whole 'are Sam's parents in this group? Anyone know Charlie's mum?' so it is still obvious to parents what is going on which in this situation would still be upsetting to the OP.

You clearly put a lot of thought into child-related things. Many parents do not. You do get that people are different and have different priorities from you?

@Moonnstarz isn’t it more sensible and infinitely kinder to suggest parents message one another so the children are not aware?

Please don't ever feel mad for questioning it. You're her mum so, of course it's going to affect you! That protective instinct is exactly what it should be. Just keep doing what you're doing. Your daughter is lucky to have someone in her corner who notices and cares.

When you say the child was handing out invites, are you sure they were definitely doing that themselves within school time or is it possible this is another thing that has potentially been muddled in how it occured.
Though however if is done it is very hard to be discreet (I work in KS1 and there have been no whole class parties in year 1 or 2 in the time I have worked in these year groups. Parents normally give around 6-12 invites, usually across 2 classes, for staff to hand out. We need children to be aware so cannot just sneak into bags like some people think, so when they are handed out children are told to put them immediately into their bags but other children do still see this).

You do realise that for a lot of working or otherwise busy parents, organising a birthday party is just another task to tick off the list?

Book something, pick a suitable number of children for the venue / activity, job done.

Most people don’t have time, energy or inclination for all this overthinking.

Then I go back to my original point of you seeing your friendship as more significant and therefore feeling your child deserved a place. You sound like you have been inviting them over, maybe they wouldn't have been bothered without you making the effort.
Focus on making friends with the other mums.

This OP.
Be very conscious, sounds like the mum is happy taking advantage of your kindness. But look at your relationship with her - i wouldn't be surprised if it's more one sided than not.

Your feelings are completely valid and honestly most parents would feel exactly the same way. When you have invested time, friendship and emotional support into someone and it isn't reciprocated in even the smallest way, it stings. And, it is allowed to sting.

Children at this age are notoriously fickle with friendships and the birthday list is often completely disconnected from what the adults are doing. The mum may genuinely not know or may feel awkward and not know how to address it, hence changing the subject.

The fact your child isn't devastated is actually the most important thing here. Children often take their emotional cues from us so staying light about it with her is the best thing you can do even when you're privately a bit hurt.

On whether to mention it to the mum, only you can judge that relationship. If it feels like a genuine friendship worth protecting a very light "my little one noticed she didn't get an invite, no worries at all just wanted to check there wasn't a mix up" gives her the chance to respond well. If she doesn't, that tells you everything you need to know about the friendship.

You sound like a really caring mum and friend. Not everyone deserves that energy but you will always be the better for giving it.