Child not invited to party despite being friendst with the mum

Do you only spend time with people whos views exactly match yours then?

Personally if i believe in something, i prefer to listen to opposing opinions, talk, understand and perhaps influence.

Your approach does nothing to change matters, is discriminatory for your child and reinforces negative connotations 🤷‍♀️

Why so nasty?
Completely unnecessary.

Sounds like it’s the child’s choice, and that she’s possibly attempting to make certain new friends with the invites? In a clumsy childish way.

6 is so young, they change their friends frequently at that age, and aren’t always logical. She won’t think “who have I had a play date with recently”, she’ll think “who do I want there” or “who do I want to be my friend”. It’s still pretty tiny - they want to make their own decisions and think they’re getting to be “big kids” when actually they’re not even school age in some countries.

Yes, it’s not nice if a child is rubbing your daughter’s face in it that they’re not invited, and that’s something to keep an eye on if unkind behaviour continues. If there is more unkindness, you can always have a quiet word with the Mum or the teacher.

I wouldn’t over think it though.

By the time it’s next term this will be ancient history in such young children’s minds.

Very strange considering you had a play date a few weeks ago. I would just blank them from now on and leave the kids to play at school nothing more

Wow, are you the mother? Hope you’re not bringing up your off-spring with the same attitude.
Big bullying shits in the making!

Posts like this always get harsh responses on here, but i think it's bang out of order.It's not like your children have had a big fall out or something....seems no valid reason for her not to invite your child.And it's not an adult friendship- you meet up for playdates!
Unfortunately i've found since DD started school, it is like being back in the school playground yourself.Some people behave very rudely and immaturely and do things that feel really mean and senseless.They can be so hot and cold!
But you have a right to feel upset about it.Why shouldn't you when she gave you the impression she was a friend.
Sadly only option really is to distance yourself and find other mums who are nicer.
And empathise with your child that that sort of behaviour is unfair.

I think the bigger issue is that other child sounded a bit unkind. Firstly, I wouldn't have my child hand out invites in front of other children that were not invited. Secondly, it wasn't nice of them to tell your child they didn't want them there.

I would guess the parents asked who they wanted to invite and they chose. There is a child nearby who doesn't play with my DS at school but always wants to come for play dates and I've started cutting them down as he doesn't seem to be very kind to my DS at school.

If you chose to stop spending so much time with them because their child is unkind to your DS then that's one thing but you can't expect an invitation. It sounds like you might be friendly with the mum but not super close friends. I only have a couple of people I consider such good friends that I'd invite them whether or not the dc wanted.

My friendships are separate to my DC’s. If I help someone out, it’s of my own volition — it doesn’t come with strings attached involving the other person’s child’s party invitations.

Surely, an invite is just normal, not expected! It’s just being kind to a mother and her child.

Or the ones who think that if you offer help to a friend, you do so unresentfully, without the expectation that such help buys your child a party invitation?

Op of course your hurt but you now know your not important To this mum so move on your dc isn’t bothered which is good as she would be hurt the most. We all want our dc to have good friends and be invited to parties and yes it’s usually the parents saying oh you have to invite x because we go to there party and to play dates etc. if the mum has the issue with you I would be grateful never have to socialise with her or her kid again no one needs flaky fake friends.

Perhaps the negative comments are from entitled ones who take help when they need but don’t think twice about those who helped them or from preaching types who love to jump on an opportunity to give generic wisdom ignoring the context.

Op is hurt though. She herself said that she supported other mum when she was going through tough times and she was hurt for her dd.

Yes, her dd is not entitled to be invited to every party but given relationship between both mums, atleast the party mum could have said something to op rather than changing the subject.

@Taytocrisps well you kind of answered your own question there; if they are the children your own child is friends with then I suppose you’d get the contact details from the other parents at pick up or similar. We have a class WhatsApp but I know some don’t. But I just don’t think it’s ever OK to invite children to a party in front of other children who are not invited.

Only on Mumsnet you get some of these negative responses!
If mothers have met up a few times and the children have played with each other out of school AND are in the same classroom then why on earth wouldn’t I expect an invite??
Even if the birthday child didn’t want to invite my child, then the birthday mum should’ve explained to me. It’s called human decency and it’s free for gods sake!!
Seriously, the world has gone mad!
@dual90 You are completely valid to feel the way you do. I wouldn’t mention anything though because it’s pointless! Instead do something special with your child and keep your distance.

Ok so let’s say it was personal, what are you actually going to do about it? Move on and forget about it because life’s too short and you’re going to get a lot more knock backs from other mums anyway, or get drawn into a petty tit for tat situation where you don’t invite them to a party to get your own back and where the adults come out of this looking more like 7 year old than the real 7 year olds? Personally I’d just move on and not give it any more head space. Sometimes we get disappointment in life and people aren’t who we thought they were. Learn from it to toughen up and that not everyone you befriend will have the same loyalties and not everyone you invite will invite you back. Sometimes you get left out. It’s not nice and feels crappy but you won’t find a single parent on here who hasn’t had a similar experience. Don’t fall into a situation where you’re more bothered about it than your child is because then it starts looking more like a you problem. We can learn a lot from how quickly children let go of things and move forward without feeling resentment and questioning things over and over.

Parties cause so much upset, and it always baffles me that parents endorse a child leaving 1 or 2 children out. With my daughter, I've always either done "all the girls invited" or, if it's something very low key, 2 or 3. In a class of 15 girls, I wouldn't dream of inviting 12, leaving 3 out or 13, leaving 2 out. It's so mean spirited.

I would ask for an invite. It’s not a wedding. It takes a village to raise a child and you’re all friendly with one another. If she clearly chooses not to invite your kid then you know where you stand with her (and I would withdraw a bit)

If the OP is only offering help with strings attached to someone she describes as a friend, then that’s on her. Either do something unresentfully because you want to, or don’t do it. Don’t do it and seethe with unspoken resentment because their child hasn’t invited your child to a party.

My DD is in her early 20s now, so birthday parties are a dim and distant memory. But how would I have known the phone numbers of the other parents? With the exception of the girl who lived down the road, DD's classmates (and their parents) were complete strangers. There's no way I could have afforded whole class parties (and in any case, DD has a lot of cousins we had to invite), so she mostly just asked the six or so girls she was friendly with. I had no way to give out invitations except to turn up at the school in the mornings and ask DD to point out who the invitee was. Then I'd try to discreetly slip the invitation to the child's parent (not the child).

When DD got a little older and I had actually met her friends' parents (and obtained their phone numbers), I would try to message them directly or hand deliver the invitation to the house. But in any case, birthday parties generate a lot of excitement and the kids talk to each other. DD was very upset when she discovered that her best friend was invited to another girl's party and she wasn't. I didn't hold it against the child in any way (or her parents). I'm assuming the birthday child was told she could invite X No. of children and DD didn't make the list. It's nothing personal. I brought DD somewhere nice on the day and we never referred to it again.

You can choose to let this affect your friendship with the birthday girl's Mum, or you can choose to continue your friendship with her. That's entirely up to you. If you're genuinely friends with this mother, then it shouldn't make any difference who her DD invites to her birthday party. If you're not genuinely friends with her and it's only a friendship of convenience (because your DDs are in the same class), feel free to walk away.

Friendships will wax and wane as the children move through primary school and then on to secondary school. Your DD and this girl could end up being best friends in the future. Or sworn enemies. There's no way to tell.