13-Month Old Shows No Attachment to Parents - Is This Normal?

he has good eye contact, responds to his name, actively seeks our attention, and plays with us. He constantly shows us his toys, hands them to us,

Are these the ways he shows his attachment? You are clearly the people he expects to be interested in him and his toys. That says something to me.

I don't see any concerns personally, and I think it's very over the top you've dragged the poor baby round all those doctors. You can't rule out autism at 13 months. It sounds like he has a secure attachment, that he knows you are there. Some kids just aren't clingy and cuddly. I'd be far more concerned about your own anxiety and obsession around his behaviour.

I have three DC, two of them were cuddly and clingy as babies and one was not. He's now a 20 year old man and has always been more independent and less cuddly than the other two - it's just his personality. He is not autistic.

this sounds like he has a clear attachment to you, no?

At 13 months they all showed some sensory processing issues, DD1 with clothes and the other two with sounds and sensory seeking. By 2 or 3 there was some hand flapping or other movements when excited. Some eye contact from all of them but not a neurotypical amount. Possibly unusual speech development. DS used to line up cars and didn't really speak to strangers. We had a difficult time toilet training him and a really difficult time getting him settled at preschool. My other two were quite confident and diagnosed quite late as a result (secondary school).

My first was like that. Our nursery insisted on this elaborate settling in process and she just wasn't bothered if I was there or not. She never went through a stranger danger phase until 2.

Now at almost 3 she is very attached to us.

I don't think I would worry too much just yet, they're all different and they go through different phases.

Both my kids have got excited to see us, but couldn’t care less out in public, they’d happily pull themselves up to stand on others, either other mum friends we were with or complete strangers

Who looks after him when you go to work?

Sounds like a fairly normal baby.

Why have you taken him to paediatricians and neurologists?

It's fairly normal for a first time parent to be anxious, but do you think you may be more anxious than others?

I'm sorry but you can't confidently rule out Autism at 13 months. All 3 of my Autistic children were meeting milestones at that age like social smiles, pointing, clapping, shared attention. So of course you can say it's too early to tell but you can't confidently rule it out for any child at that point.

Does he spent the majority of his time with you? Or in child care?

I wouldn't trust any professional, who says they can "confidently rule out autism" at only 13 months.

But when you say no attachment OP I feel like you’re being very single focused - what happens when he needs comfort? When he wakes at night or when he cried as a baby? Did rocking/cuddling comfort him? If not how did he calm down? Does he play with you? Come to you to express his needs? Smile at you? Babies show connection in many different ways

I feel like maybe your expectations are just a bit off, there’s a wide range of normal. I remember I was always a bit bummed that my daughter wasn’t affectionate at all at that age, but now she’s 3 and totally different.

No it's not normal at all. But he's only 13 months nothing can be assessed or ruled out.

Did you have issues forming attachment did you stuggle with ppd. Did you sleep train. Does he go to you when he is upset or hurt. What to you think he should be doing that he isnt. 13 months he should be making strange but might not be super giddy when he sees you. What age was he when you rtw

I don’t think lots of people saying their babies snuggle them is going to help you.

You’re doing the right thing by keeping an eye on it. It’s too early for anyone to make an assessment.

All you can do for now is keep giving him lots of love and affection.

So even if baby doesn’t show much of a reaction to your partner coming home, your partner should react and scoop him up and give him affection.

And how does he react if he is left? Circumstances you are describing where dad comes in, people pick him up - you are still there. If you ever leave him, what happens then do you know?

Why do you keep dragging him to clinicians? Does he have a medical issue?

Is there any reason in his early development why he wouldn’t have formed secure attachment?

I wouldn’t worry too much about it just now just on its own but equally at 13 months old what you’ve been told about autism sounds absolute bullshit.

Does he come to you for comfort when he hurts himself?
Does he need your presence or contact to help him fall asleep?
Does he immediately come over to you to talk / play / reconnect in any way after a separation?

To me he just sounds like a relaxed, chilled baby. He makes appropriate eye contact, is curious, you don't report repetitive behaviours and he has been assessed by experts. You know your child best though, and if you are still noticing unusual things then I would go with your instincts. It might just be his personality.I think there is a trend to pathologize quirky behaviour. We are all different and he is still so young. Enjoy him.

My DD’s were both very clingy to me but not bothered by their dad particularly, one is autistic, one is not. I’m not sure there’s much you can do read into it so young