Eldest child not invited to wedding but sister is

Can you offer to pay for your eldest child to go? I think I would ask if that was possible and take it at face value that it is a financial thing on the part of the couple whose wedding it is.. I’m sure they would have no issue with you doing that and then you can all attend as a family..

It’s shitty to exclude one single child from a family unit.

It’s shitty of your husband to accept that and still want to go.

Honestly, what is it about weddings that bring out the worst in people? Yes, the couple can invite whoever they want but on any other given day most normal people would know this is a cunty thing to do.

I would decline OP and if people ask why, tell them the truth. Anyone with half a brain and heart would totally get it.

Yes, but only a droog differentiates between the children in a family. Children really take this sort of thing to heart. If you can’t afford it then don’t invite any kids.

If the bride's sister's 3 stepchildren live with their mother, that's very different from your child that lives with you and your husband, especially if the mother of those 3 children isn't invited to the wedding. All I'm certain of is that there's no way I'd have one of my children attend, and hurt the other by saying it can't.

They are being unreasonable and so is your husband. It is mean to invite one sibling and not the other, they should have invited both the children or none.

Agree with PP who said let DH take the younger one and do something fun with your eldest

Yes, but what a fucking shitty way to treat a child.

Hell no way would I be attending, even if DH took a stand and they now changed their minds.

Too late. They've made it clear how they see the 10 year old in relation to the family.

The wedding culture in the UK has become really self centred since around the 90s. I hate it now.

Every so often there's a genuinely lovely, kind inclusive couple who have a lovely family spirited wedding. But a lot of the time now, it's about the show and display and not related to any underlying familial or sacred principles. 'Let's spend thousands on flowers decorating every doorway, all the pews and the entire ceiling and have a horse drawn carriage...oh but we don't have enough in the budget to invite my Aunts kids'

Anotther dismissive knee jeek reaction from a Poster with nothing to say.Why do you bother!

I’m sorry but your DH doesn’t regard DD1 as his daughter. I’m not saying he doesn’t care about her, but she is not his priority.

You either go as a family of 4, or DH goes solo. Your younger DD will get over it if it’s not made into a big deal. Take them to Legoland or something instead.

You can't leave the 10 year old on her own so stay with her and think of something really nice to do instead.
Don't make a big deal of the wedding - better for her to have just as much / more fun doing something else.

What are you supposed to say to the oldest daughter? You’re not invited because your dad is not your real dad and the family don’t class you as real family!? That’s absolutely disgraceful and harmful to a child. They should be ashamed of themselves. I think your husband will have go alone while you take the two girls to do something nice together xx

It's interesting because if this is the poster I strongly think it is, usually there are a lot more people saying YABU than there are on this thread.

OP must have put less than usual about how she thinks DD2 should miss out on extended family stuff because DD1 hasn't got a relationship with her extended family. Or that DD2s extended family should have to accept DD1 as part of their family the same as DD2, or else not have time with DD2. Because the wedding stuff is always pretty much the same.

Yes you should decline. Very unreasonable and insensitive to invite one of your children and exclude the other.

Yes, absolutely. There should be no division between siblings in the same house.

A child not attending something her cousins are attending? Far less important.

I would say either you all go together or dh goes alone.
i agree with the above poster plan a great trip for you and kids, or your eldest if the youngest one goes to wedding.

I’d genuinely take the eldest to Disneyland or something she would love, this would massively piss me off

I think your husband is being utterly gutless. It is dreadful to exclude a child in this way and I don't think any of you should attend.

Bringing it back to basics , this is a family of four , they are a unit… three have been invited to the wedding and one child is left out …regardless of debating about blended families , who doesn’t have to accept who etc . I can’t believe some of the comments condoning why it’s acceptable to alienate this 10 year old child.

Its cruel , petty , bullying behaviour and the bride and groom should be ashamed of themselves. Considering 50% of marriages end in divorce they may very likely have a blended family themselves one day and karma bites them on the arse.

This! Op really needs to take this issue up with her 'D'H as soon as possible. The 10 year old will start realising this soon, as will the 6 year old.
Terrible idea for the younger child only to attend the wedding with dh!
OP should go to Disneyworld Paris (or other special treat) for the weekend with both children and leave dh to attend the wedding on his own if he insists on going.

This seems to ge a really common theme of AIBU... imo it's really harsh for two adults, to cause such upset to their guests, and be excluding of actual children from their wedding! Because "it's their special day". I think they should grow up and recognise what their actions show, and the damage they could cause. I don't care if it's "expensive" - an extra four children is hardly going to break the bank either way, is it? When people spend thousands and thousands. I get that ultimately it's their decision, their choice. But it's a stingy and unkind choice.

Exactly this!

He might even consider them to have a great relationship, but as DSF and DSD rather than father-daughter. There's loads of room for nuance in what OP has written.

Its YOUR daughters family too!!!
Your daughter should be treated as your other daughter. Just because ur husband isnt her birth father, he has taken on the responsibility of her and should be standing by her! I would be fuming if that happened to my daughters (whom have a stepdad who's family treat them like their own) step granny n grandad etc ... that is awful for your 10yr old, what a way to be shunned from the family!!!

This. Stay and do something fun with your 10yo.

The couple can invite whoever they want, but they're being very mean about stepchildren. It's unnecessary really.