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Original poster

Arguing with husband over finances

110 replies

fireflies9 · 19/02/2026 23:15

Hi all,
Im currently a sahm to my 6 month old. My husband had a go at me earlier because I asked him to pay for a £77 bill for baby supplies. I’m still on mat leave and get £680 per month after tax, I’m responsible for the groceries and babies supplies as well as anything I might want or need like my phone bill, nails, toiletries, clothes etc and gifts for peoples bdays, but this month I came up short and my account went into my overdraft so I asked him to cover the bill.
We both have separate accounts and separate savings. Our savings are very similar amounts but he has a lot more than me in his current account. He brings home about £60k after tax.
He usually gives me £200 a month but this month he couldn’t as he’s self employed and didn’t take as big of a salary so hence why I came up short.
He was arguing with me saying that he’s paid $$$$ this month for our holidays coming up and my new car (these will be monthly payments he’ll be paying for but hasn’t paid anything yet, I’m putting down the car deposit from my own savings) and that he ‘funds my life’ (bills + roof) so why can’t I be grateful and pay £77.
i understand where he’s coming from but I can’t keep paying for things out my savings otherwise I’ll have nothing left? Just to note, he never uses his savings for anything and we’ve said it’ll be my savings going on new house Reno. I’ve also asked him numerous times if he still wants me to be a sahm or should I go back to work and he’s adamant he wants me to be sahm unless I really want to go back (which I don’t).
Not sure if I’m being really ungrateful or if I need to set boundaries?

OP posts:
SallyDraperGetInHere · 19/02/2026 23:49

If he’s arguing over essential costs for a 6mo, you’d better buckle up for a strong conversation to cover off the next 18+ years of clothes, activities, school trips, childcare, gum shields, etc, and head this attitude off fast.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/02/2026 23:46

You're married, why don't you share everything. When did marriage stop being a partnership.

If you are not working, you have no income. You should not have to rely on savings to live off.

Either you can afford to live as a family on one wage, or you can't. If you can't then you both need to work.

Original poster
fireflies9 · 19/02/2026 23:44

@PickAChewhe’s not saying he can’t afford £77, he’s saying he thinks I should be paying it

OP posts:
Original poster
fireflies9 · 19/02/2026 23:43

@RosesAndHelleboresThe new car he is putting through his business so isn’t coming out his monthly income but still wants me to pay the deposit. His car is also through the business. Our mortgage is small and with bills all is only £1k a month so we’re lucky that 60k can stretch quite a bit. It’s about £4K for him disposable each month. When I mentioned clothes I mean a £12 top off Vinted for example nothing fancy. I understand where you’re coming from as it sounds like a squeeze but he manages to save most months and keep his current account pretty healthy.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 19/02/2026 23:40

You need to forget the idea of a holiday if he's claiming he can't afford to pay for his own child.

Original poster
fireflies9 · 19/02/2026 23:37

@DeedlessIndeedWhen I was pregnant he said he’d top up my mat pay to £1k total so I can pay the above bills which I was happy with, it works out a little less than that now but I’m not bothered by that, I’m more bothered that he is wanting me to use my savings. There’s no reason as to why we don’t use his savings, he just says he needs to keep them as he’s the one providing.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 19/02/2026 23:34

It is not up to him to decide whether to go to work or not if you want more money then earn it

RosesAndHellebores · 19/02/2026 23:33

From what you have posted it sounds tricky. £680 would barely cover groceries (plus cleaning stuff and toiletries) here. (DH and I and dd who's 27 2/3 nights pw) so I think that's a big ask.

On the other hand if you want nails, clothes and new cars, I'm not persuaded £60k net funds that as well as a mortgage, utilities, insurance, car, etc., so perhaps you need to go back to work. When I was a sahm, a lifetime ago, dh never quibbled (earmt mpre than your DH 30+ years ago) but neother would I have dreamt of expecting him to pay for false nails or highlights. In those days I lived in leggings and baggy jumpers.

I hope your DH is claiming child benefit and pating it back through his tax code so you get your NI contributions. That's very important.

DeedlessIndeed · 19/02/2026 23:22

Firstly, this way of splitting bills is always going to end in pain. What if baby needs something expensive one month. You have to constantly review as child grows etc.

More generally, he is being a dick. If he wants a SAHM wife then he needs to pay for his child and wife. Your mat pay needs to go towards it but you need money to live on too.

What did you agree before having baby? And how come you use your savings and his remain untouched?

It does sound like you need a better budget across the board. Would it be better to agree £X personal spends each, per month. And then all bills and baby items come from a joint account?

MyFunSloth · 19/02/2026 23:21

My advice is you need to sit down and work out a proper distribution of finances, not an ad hoc arrangement of duties which will fluctuate over time.

One rational route would be to divide expenses in proportion to incomes, while giving each person a fair separate amount for personal spending/saving.

You have brought a small human into the world and need to play as a team, not as two separate people.